Just Clouds in the Wind
by Soft-Angel
Summary: Ennis and Jack decide to head off together after their two months on Brokeback. They travel around, looking for any peace, but they face many hardships and doubts. Please R&R!
1. A Painful Farewell

Chapter 1

A Paining farewell 

The wind blew hard over Signal, Wyoming. It eased its way through the minute buildings, and across the lonely street. It engraved every outline of dry, hoarse outback full of plains, and the men who worked them. The breeze finally arrived at two men, both leaning against an old pickup. The men were rugged enough to pass as hard working Americans, just out for a little pay. Their posture and faces illustrated that they were young. Ennis Del Mar, the tall blonde with dark eyes, was leaning near the truck's front tire, staring into the deep plains of nothingness. He had a rather small bag of belongings leaning adjacent to his leg, which was twitching a bit; he was nervous, the two had had so much fun this summer and he didn't want it to end. Ennis would look over at his companion several times, but never did his eyes linger long, he was embarrassed at the sight of the bruise on Jack Twist's upper left eye, from a swift punch he gave him earlier that day. He listened to Jack with all ears, but his mind was broken.

Jack Twist was a shorter man. His hair was dull-brown, but his eyes were a radiant blue, like pure water, water you wouldn't find in Signal. His eyes observed Ennis, and his restlessness; sometimes Ennis would look at his hand as if he had a watch, other times he would look around to check if anyone was coming their way. Jack broke the almost frightening silence with his voice of child-like innocence. "Yah going to do this again next summer?" Ennis hesitated, kicked some dirt up, and looked at Jack's eyes directly for the first time in hours. He squinted his eyes, and took a deep breath. He had graved the subject that may question their future together. He answered with his unsteady voice, one that spoke little, and never seemed to care much about it. He told Jack that he was getting married to Alma Beers, a fine girl from Riverton he had met in High School, and the wedding was in December. Jack's eyes drooped, after all that had begun this summer on Brokeback Mountain; Ennis's words disappointed him. Jack wiped his nose, he was busted, and he couldn't shake the sudden sadness.

"I'm going to go up to my folks, give them a bit of a hand or two in the winter, I might be back. If the army don't get me." He stared Ennis down with his piercing eyes. Ennis uneasily shifted into a different position against the truck. _Well, I guess I'll see you around then. _Jack's glass heart broke inside him, and this is what their great summer had leaded up to? After all the great moments they shared, Ennis wanted to just brush it aside and move on? He would usually have nothing of it, but this was Ennis, he tried not to look upset. _This was all Aguirre's doin', we came down to early, needed more time, needed more time…. _Jack hid his silent sorrow, and agreed to _see him around then. _He then turned, gingerly opened the door of his truck, sat on the driver's seat, and watched as Ennis Del Mar fell from his grasp. Ennis revolved and began to walk away, like he was uncertain if he should stay or go. He swung his pack around his back then started to walk faster. Jack turned the ignition, and began to slowly drive past Ennis, reminiscing on all the things that made his time on Brokeback Mountain everlasting.

Jack Twist had arrived at Joe Aguirre's lot at about 8:00 am. He had to get away from his papa, he wanted cash of his own, and _rodeoin' wasn't a good enough pay_. As he pulled into the wide parking lot, his eyes fell upon a man leaning against Aguirre's trailer, smoking a cigarette. He was beanpole-like with magnificent blonde curls, hidden under a tan cowboy hat. His face, though partially covered by the hat, was emotionless. Ennis reminded him of a lost soul, someone that didn't seem to belong anywhere. From his shyness, to his inability to express himself, Ennis was one man that no one understood, but Jack swore to himself that he could read him as clear as a book. After knowing of him for merely seconds, Jack felt an aching sympathy for Ennis, he knew all too well of the pain, and torture of growing up alone. Jack remembered being nervous; too nervous to think straight when he stopped his truck killed the engine, and entered the outside world. Ennis showed little sign of life, other than chugging on his cigarette, like it was his last day on Earth, and it was all he wanted to do. Jack felt an overwhelming amount of warmth rising from around his legs, rising up to his groin. Just one look at Ennis had done this. The silence was killing Jack; never had anyone made him feel so weak in the knees. Jack knew what he wanted, and what he would of done to get it. He stared a quiet stare at Ennis, who shifted under the weight of it. Jack frowned, feeling unwanted in paradise.

Why had he fallen for Ennis Del Mar? The man was as silent as a dormouse, and just as quick. But Jack loved the way Ennis smiled, how it showed his pearly-whites. He loved how Ennis would strip just yards away from him to bathe himself. Oh how he longed to look back, nearly cutting himself paring potatoes with shaky hands. Oh how he longed to be that rag that Ennis used to clean his muscular physique with, which the thought alone, kept the pup tent warm at night. Jack loved how Ennis was so untouched, physically and emotionally and how he was Ennis's first. Recalling their first time would always give a fine scorching feeling in the pit of his stomach. Of course he had red-lined it. Jack had grabbed Ennis's arm and pulled it over him on that chilly night. He felt the passive tingling from it passing through his body. Ennis at first wanted none of it, but one glance into Jack's eyes, had made him feel a little different. Ennis fell for Jack's eyes; he was drowning in a sea of passion, a sea of desire. The next thing Jack knew he was on his stomach and being pierced with tenderness. The sudden jab of lust was filling ever inch of his body; soon he was off in some dream-like state, bucking back and forth, as Ennis rode it out. That feeling never left him when Ennis was around. He loved how Ennis completed him.

What had happened to that Ennis? The one that walked next to him was some other man. Some ghost of the man that had once been so compassionate, longing Jack every night. Jack threw a tear off his face, and unwillingly passed Ennis, the light inside him seemed to dim, Jack looked on ahead putting more and more distance between the two. The sound of the truck was all he knew. Jack wanted to be on some autopilot, so he could remember that one time when Ennis had came up behind him and placed his arm around his chest. He clutched Jack ever so close to himself, and took deep breaths onto his bare neck. Jack was feeling the warmth of Ennis flowing into him, like a river flows into an ocean. Jack had leaned back into his large chest and closed his eyes, rubbing his head against Ennis's softly, and wanting the painful truth that Ennis would be leaving him for the night to just slip away. Jack was rocked back and forth, feeling the soft embers of a quick kiss on his neck. He never wanted Ennis to stop giving him life, but then he heard those words; _I'll see you in the morinin', _and the best moment of his life ended as quick as it had started. The warmness left, Jack looked back as it went. He stayed in that moment when all seemed lost, when Jack was needing that love.

Jack cleaned his face of tears again, and continued to drive on without a sound, but that of the truck. He looked into his rear view mirror and saw the silhouette of Ennis walking slouched down in the middle of the road. Ennis walked like a falling angel, carrying the future on his shoulders, all Jack had to do is reach out and grab it. Jack came to a sudden stop. He had only gone fifty yards from Ennis Del Mar. Hopefully, they were never separated by that much emptiness again.


	2. Rising Doubts and Embracing

Chapter 2

Rising doubts and embracing

Ennis's mind was misty. He was wondering how he could just let Jack slip from his hands. That thought alone made him shudder like he was in cold rain. Jack's face was permanently indented on his mind, like a damn omen, just to make his life a living hell. Those blue eyes stared at him, and those red lips persisted him to leave a soft kiss on them. He wanted to touch those lips again; he wanted to feel their beauty against his mouth, sucking them in and out. Jack drove passed him, and Ennis felt like breaking down, just leaning over somewhere and crying, his life was being sapped from his being, as he walked on in the unknown future. Ennis's head was down, but he was still able to watch Jack drive away from him, the happiness was astray. _Ya be okay, you'll see him again, but it was just a fluke, just a fluke…_

The pain within him made a good nostalgic feeling of the moment on Brokeback Mountain where his love exploded into flames. It was almost night, Ennis was watching after the sheep, which was now his job, since Jack wouldn't stop bitching about the lack of sleep he often got doing it. Ennis was hardly focused on them; he galloped on his steed around the perimeter, but was lost in thought from the night before. He pictured Jack grabbing his arm and placing it over him, how just that simple chore had got Ennis hard. He focused on Jack's tight body around his shaft, and how good it felt being inside someone for the first time. All those dreams never seemed to prepare him for the ride. Jack bucked hard on him, Ennis nearly collapsed after the first one, but he persevered, working slow and rough. Ennis felt a hot warmth in his stomach picturing Jack below him, but he quickly threw it away. He ain't no queer, it was just a one shot thing, and that's what he told Jack when he found him nearby, laying on a hill. Ennis couldn't tell how Jack felt; never did his eyes reach his face, his voice sounded cold, though. Ennis couldn't help but pity Jack. He knew that he thought it would be something special. The two ranch hands rode back to the camp together, without a word. Both men were afraid of what might become of them, self-denying gay men in the 1960's. The crisp air matched the mood, and seemed to lessen the noise made.

Ennis sat next to the steaming fire that he just completed. Its radius of brilliant light even entered to the tent where Jack laid, bare-chested and still thinking. Ennis stared at the flames as they danced their dance of sin, he felt an urge to jump in it and dance with the devil, but he was preoccupied. Once every view minutes Ennis would glimpse over at Jack lying in the bright tent, as it stood out from the rest of the area. His chest seemed unbothered by the heat and weight of Ennis's stare, if he only knew Ennis was staring at him. Ennis played with the fire with a stick, watching the beautiful embers surround it, and consume bits of the head. He knew what he wanted, but he couldn't bring himself enough courage to do it. He was so pain stricken that he could just cry a lonely cowboy tune, but instead he got up and made his way to Jack.

The tent was warm, Jack noticed Ennis approaching, he gingerly sat up and looked into Ennis's downcast eyes, he saw the young child inside the hard cover. Ennis crouched down so he was at eye level with Jack. Ennis was so nervous, holding his hat in front of him as protection, he would look into Jack's seductive eyes, but then he would hastily look away, as if they burned him. He wanted what he wanted, but couldn't say what it was, nor would he ever. Ennis was taken aback when Jack had put his hand on his arm, and leaned in for a deep kiss, that Ennis both went for, and declined. The kiss was soft, and unrushed over his body. The tingling began, first from his throat, down through his chest and up to his arms. Ennis pulled away, and glanced at Jack's eyes. They were of deep sadness, but also compassion. Jack would never rush him, he would always listen first.

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry," _Ennis whispered. His eyes were pasted on Jack's mouth. Jack just leaned in and answered, _it's all right._ That broke Ennis. Jack laid back down, carrying Ennis with him. Ennis gracefully fell on Jack's chest and was laced in a sea of tender. Jack's warmth under every fingertip, all he ever wanted was in front of him, holding him in his arms, and rocking him like a child. Ennis sighed, and breathed deeply, he gave Jack's chest a full-body rub down, gathering the heat as his hands moved along. He etched every outline, and dent, and every muscle there was. Slowly Ennis closed his eyes and drifted off into Jack, the warmth that kept his fire burning all this time.

Jack was so far away now, too far away. Ennis felt like he could fall down now, right at that moment, and wouldn't care because nothing else seemed to matter anymore. The stinging had begun as a mild stomachache, but soon it grew to be that of the same caliper as an earthquake, in the pit of his chest. He clasped his chest, and gagged. He couldn't do this in the middle of the street, he went towards an alley about twenty feet away, but he never made it. His guts were being twisted, and he seemed almost disoriented. He fell hard on his knees on the side of the road, just as he heard a familiar truck back up towards him. Jack got out and ran to Ennis's side.

"You okay, what happened?" Jack grabbed Ennis and helped him get to his feet. Ennis looked as if he had seen a ghost, pale as snow, and he felt just as cold. Ennis took in a couple of deep, desperate breaths, and answered as calmly as he could.

"No, no, its, its just food poisoning, Jack." He unwillingly pushed Jack back softly, but stiffly. Ennis had never been so embarrassed in his entire short life. He grabbed his pack and without another word, continued to make his way. Jack was perplexed, he didn't know what to think at first, but then hastily made his way to Ennis's side.

"_Yah know, Ennis, since were g-goin' the same way, I can give you a ride to where ever you goin' to, Ennis._" Jack's voice was somewhat shaky and worried. He didn't want Ennis to just walk away from all this. He had said his name twice to try and get Ennis in touch with his presence. Ennis walked on, but glanced over at Jack, and answered:

"Nah, that's okay, bud. I'm fine, I'm fine." Ennis voice was panicky. He quickly looked away from Jack, staring at the ground again. He walked even more slouched over; he wiped his mouth, and went on wordlessly. Jack stopped in disbelieve, threw his hands up in the air, and went after Ennis again.

"Come on Ennis, that don't make much sense. You can get a free ride, and well, why wait for some stranger to pick you up? I know my truck ain't all too invitin', but shit, it runs well enough to get you to Riverton." Ennis stopped, causing Jack to nearly run into him. He turned around, looked straight into Jack's navy eyes. His breathing had finally been tamed, and his mannerisms wore no reminder of the Ennis Jack knew from the mountain.

"Well, Jack…. why can't we just leave it as it is, huh? Do we have to really go on like this?" Of course they did, Ennis himself wanted to 'go on like this', but couldn't admit it at that time. Jack shook his head, and put his hand on his hip. Jack was getting a little irritated.

"Of course we do, Ennis. I-I don't know what to s-say, if you don't wanna… I guess I understand." Ennis got the point, and he had wished for Jack to say this. Ennis shifted his weight and put his sack of goods down. He made a movement to get closer to Jack, and bent his head in even closer, in a loud whisper; Ennis finally could say what he desired to.

"I, I do want to stay, but I…. can't. I'm getting married to Alma in a couple of months and two men seen together as close as we are now…. never will we get any _peace_." Jack grimaced, and put his hand on Ennis's shoulder. His voice was not of doubt, but of complete confidence.

"Ennis, I've had this, this idea since Aguirre came up and told us that we were comin' down early. I was hopin' to get you, Ennis and take you away. We, we could live in my truck, we could see the country, we could be _happy_." Ennis smirked a bit, and pushed Jack's hand off his shoulder. Ennis gave a quick chuckle but quickly erased it at the sight of Jack's depressed face. He looked around; the coast was clear. He put his hand on Jack's chin and pushed it up. As if to make Jack happy, Ennis smiled.

"I can't, Alma, we're gettin' married in December." His eyes looked straight through Jack's puppy eyes. "I wish I could too, but…." Ennis shifted again, releasing Jack's chin, and looking around again. A white truck passed them, sending a current of wind their way. Ennis half-smiled, turned, and threw his pack over his shoulder. He began to make distance. Only stopping when Jack's shattered voice pierced his ears, and his heart.

"You don't get it do you, Ennis? This has been the best summer-. I can't go back to _Lightning Flats_, and, and face my daddy. I jus' can't do that alone, and I was hoping for your support, but you just wanna walk away. I really don't know what to think. Did this mean _anything_ to you? Ennis stood speechless. So many things he wanted to say, but couldn't push them out of him. He was waiting for Jack to speak, but Jack was not talking. Ennis slowly turned around and looked at Jack through many tears. Tears that he wanted to hide, but couldn't, maybe he wanted Jack to see them.

"You, you mean all that _Jack Fuckin' Twist?_ I made this summer… good? I made you happy? I make you smile, Jack?" Ennis's voice skipped a bit. He put his hands to his face and fell on his knees, like they couldn't support him anymore. Jack wasn't reluctant to embrace him. Ennis cried softly, he grabbed a hold of Jack's shoulders and held hard, pulling him down with him. He tried to push out a couple more words. _"I' m sorry, I'm sorry. No one has been so happy to have me around, Jack. To many times my dad used to call me worthless." _Jack just hushed him and rocked him back in forth in his arms, letting himself warm Ennis_. Yes, Ennis, you make me smile._ Jack more or less dragged Ennis and his pack to the old truck, and helped him up on the passenger seat. When Ennis was in the seat, Jack threw his sack by his feet, and grabbed Ennis's head and pulled it to his own. The kiss was electricity in a lake; all the sadness of Ennis had ceased to exist.

_Ennis, you mean it? You'll come with me?_ Ennis snorted up his tears, then looked at Jack's eyes of excitement. They had such a childish lore. He was like a little boy that got to open presents a day or two before Christmas. Ennis nodded his head; he was admiring Jack's look. Jack smiled the widest smile possible on his small head. He slapped Ennis's leg, and ran to his spot as the driver. _You wont regret it, Ennis. We are going to have so much fun, friend, so much you'll want to marry me._ Both men laughed a heartfelt laugh.

"I already do regret it, Jack," Ennis said playfully. He looked over at Jack, smiled at him, and received one back. Unfortunately his words were half-true.


	3. On the Road, Together

Chapter 3

On the Road, together

Ennis stared aimlessly out the window of the old pickup; the only sight for miles was hills and plains that seemed to go back as the eye could see. He was entertained by how the green met the orange, and couldn't help but wonder how the hills got so big. Ennis's mind was clear of any concern and any thought, because Jack Twist was with him.

Jack was ranting on about his folks place and how Ennis will like it there, that is if Jack's father kept his mouth shut. "Well, Ennis, I was just wonderin', what made you change your mind about leaving with me so quickly?" Jack's question was one with good build up. He took his mind off the road, for a second, and looked at Ennis, crouching against the passenger door, still staring out into the world. Ennis didn't wake, so Jack asked him again, this time more strength was in his voice. _Ennis, Ennis? _He finally stirred only after Jack's voice came to a quiet yell.

"Wha'?" Ennis asked shocked-like. His movements, and his voice was that of someone that was just wakened from a deep sleep. He moved off of the door, and wiped his eyes. Jack glanced back at the road then took a deep, nervous breath.

"Well, I'm sorry to have disturbed yah, friend, but I was wonderin' why you changed your mind so quickly." Jack looked at Ennis, and Ennis shifted under the weight. He looked back at Jack, perplexed.

"Change my mind 'bout what?" Ennis answered. Jack sighed, continued to stare at the endless roads of turns and signs. This time his voice was more precise, he even talked a little slower.

"Why did you change your mind about wanting to leave with me?" Ennis shrugged, and leaned back in his seat at an angle, so he could see Jack perfectly. He was gathering the words. _Well?_

"I, I thought 'bout a life with Alma, afore you even picked me up, and It felt… cold," Ennis began. He wiped his face, and cleared his throat. "I realized that that's not…what I wanted. I never wanted that, but I liked Alma, I knew her afore my folks passed. But never have I… felt _that_ way with her." Ennis cleared his throat again, and glanced up at Jack's face. Jack wiped some sweat off his brow, and turned the steering wheel to make a sharp turn.

"Ennis, do you feel _that _way with me?" The courage that Jack allowed to build up inside him to ask that was not of the ordinary. He took another quick glance at Ennis, who just stared ahead of them, following the road with his eyes. Jack wasn't even sure if Ennis had heard him, but he gave him more time. Jack was getting somewhat anxious while waiting. His knee began to shake a tad; his foot tapped the floor of the truck with no sound. He would take several more peeks at Ennis before he got an answer. Ennis moved his body so his back was once again up against the seat.

"Well, you see Jack-." He cut himself off, put his hand to his mouth and vigorously bit a nail. He wanted to take a different approach at the answer. He was perspiring. "Jack, I don' know…how I feel 'bout you. Sometimes, I want to see yah everyday, others…it's different. I want ta never see you again sometimes. I don' know why, its just how it goes." His voice trailed off, he took a sigh of relief, as Jack seemed to let the question slide away. The sky darkened, now Jack and Ennis could only see the light given off by Jack's headlight, illuminating as they went. It was a cool night, too cool to have a window down.

"So…where 'xactly are we goin'?" Ennis looked straight into Jack's eyes, since it was dark in the truck, he felt _protected. _Jack grimaced and drew two cigarettes from his pocket. He tossed one to Ennis, and placed the other half way in his mouth. Ennis felt like an abused child when Jack didn't seem to answer him. He looked down without another word. He didn't want to ask again, that would be asking too much. Jack finally drew a breath, gathering Ennis's attention.

"Ennis were you even listening when I told yah we were going to my folks house?" Jack glanced at him with a smile on his face. Ennis admired that smile; because he knew he could hide in it, and not be put out to look like a fool. _No, guess not. But what 'bout your dad, I mean, you told me all those stories. I don' know if I wanna be around that, Jack._ Jack gathered in the words then chuckled, and his smile widened. Ennis frowned, and tapped Jack's arm with the back of his hand. _Wha'?_

"Nothing, nothing. Say Ennis? Since I don't plan on gettin' in a car wreck anytime soon, can you reach into my pant pocket and grab the lighter?" Ennis hesitated, and then wordlessly reached into Jack's right pants pocket. His rough hand slowly pierced the opening, and steadily made its way to the bottom of the pit. He rubbed his hand gently against Jack's thigh, as his fingers searched deeper. What was just a simple task was turning into some erotic sex game. Jack tilted his head back; he was getting off just on the rough touch. "Oh Ennis!" Jack playfully yelled. Ennis pulled his hand back, startled by the pitch and tune of Jack's voice. He gave Jack an almost threatening look, but shaped it into a grin.

"Its not in that pocket, I guess I have to get into the other one," Ennis said jokingly. Jack smiled. _Well, let me pull over and I'll get it myself. _"No, no, I'll get it for yah," Ennis added. Ennis scooted over on his small seat. He placed his hand on Jack's left thigh. He rubbed it up and down, loving the feeling of coarse jeans, and how they tickled his fingertips. Unhurriedly Ennis leaned even closer to Jack, and blindly searched for the other pocket. "I hope you don't mind if I put my head under your arms, Jack." _Nah, I don't mind,_ Jack answered through his teeth. He took a deep breath, as Ennis dived. He gingerly moved his head till it was under Jack's right arm, holding onto the steering wheel for dear life. Ennis looked at Jack's left leg; he saw a small lump on the side of it; that must be the lighter inside his pocket. He grabbed the lump, and traveled up from it to find the opening. He carefully reached in and felt his fingers hit metal. Leisurely he got his whole hand around the lighter and yanked it out of its prison. Without looking back, he handed it to Jack, who grabbed it, lit his cigarette, and handed it back to Ennis. Ennis light his own stick, and stowed the lighter away into his own pocket. He took a puff of the cigarette, and looked up at Jack. Jack's eyes couldn't help but wander at Ennis, who was practically laying on his lap.

"Stop staring, you're distractin' me," Laughed Jack, as he looked up back at the road, only to swiftly look back down to Ennis. Ennis sighed, and laid his head on Jack's left knee. He felt the anxiety in Jack through his leg. No it was no soft pillow, but it was the best resting spot in the world. He closed his eyes; still puffing on the cigarette till it was spent. Ennis gave his butt to Jack, who had finished with his too, and he tossed them both out the window.

"You wake me when we're close to your parent's house, 'kay?" Jack nodded, and Ennis closed his eyes again, sleeping on the legs of his savior. Once in a while he would affectionately rub his hands on Jack's leg, making his way up to Jack's groin, but would stop right before touching his hardening shaft, and fall back into a sleep. On Brokeback Ennis never slept so well. Before him and Jack slept under the same tent, he would wake in the night, full a fear, and would stay awake for hours on in, too scared to shut his eyes. It struck him as strange that after Jack was a permanent addition to his sleeping canvas, he never woke up in the middle of the night. Never did he have nightmares and never did he cry. The pain of his past had still haunted him, even now, as a nineteen year old, strong-minded young man, he would often, if put under the right stress, fall back to a child's age, crying in the corner, alone. The truck moved from under him, so his sleep wasn't deep, but these days all he needed was a good forty winks.

After about three short hours of driving, the truck finally began to slow down. Jack didn't want to physically wake Ennis, because he loved the look on his face as he slept. His mouth was half open, like a baby's; Jack couldn't help but admire it. The old pickup stopped altogether, and Jack turned off the engine. He was still dubious about waking Ennis, if only he had a camera with him. But the pain in his right leg, and his hunger took him. "Ennis, Ennis, wake up." Ennis unmoving opened his shady eyes, and looked up at Jack's smiling face.

"We there already?" Ennis asked as he rubbed his eyes and pulled himself up to his seat with much difficulty. Jack half-glared and smiled. _Nah, we're about two miles away, I took you to this little hideout I use to come to when I was a kid. All surrounded by trees, and shit, no one will ever hear you scream. _Ennis raised his eyebrow in desire. "Now why didja do that?" he said teasingly. He hides a yawn then placed his hand on Jack's chin and pulled him for a kiss on those red lips of his. The kiss was sloppy, but still warmed that old pickup in the dead of night. Jack kissed back hard, and removed his jacket, and then he went for Ennis's. Next were the shirts, as their kissing was stalled momentarily. They both reached around the hemline and pulled them off with ease. Jack went to Ennis's lips again, but Ennis pushed him off, and went for Jack's nipples. He sucked them, and played with them with his tongue. Jack gasped, never had Ennis done this before.

"God, Ennis, what's, your, motivation?" Jack said breathlessly. Ennis didn't stop sucking, but with a half full mouth he blew out _you are_. Jack was hardening, he had to get out of his pants.

Jack grabbed Ennis's hair and tugged it hard. Ennis winced; he then purposely bit one of Jack's nipples. Jack moaned loudly. _You shit! _He at last got the energy to push Ennis off of him, and then he exited the truck. Ennis went out the other side, pulling of his pants on the way to Jack. Jack pulled his pants down, and as soon as Ennis got within two feet of him, he pounced. The weight of him knocked both men down on the dirt and twigs. Jack laid a much more aggressive kiss on Ennis's lips. The fire wave burned all their organs, and made both men firm as a stone. Jack was on top of Ennis, kissing his neck and pinching at his nipples, not since their first time had Jack's longing been so strong. He went to Ennis's ear, bit it, received a spanking from Ennis, and half-laughed at all their fun. Ennis, "I want you in me, I _need_ you in me," Jack whispered. His hot breath burnt Ennis's neck. Ennis nearly came at Jack's words. He pushed Jack off him, then picked him up and kissed him all the way to Jack's tailgate. Jack tried to pull it down, but couldn't without Ennis's help. When it fell with a _clang, _Ennis virtually threw Jack into the back of the pickup. Jack was on his back, and Ennis was closing in on him.

"Nowhere to run now, Jack Fuckin' Twist. I think you'll have to beg for mercy." Ennis blushed at his own words; he couldn't believe he heard himself say that. But he closed even more on Jack. Jack smiled; _don't worry, I will. _Ennis grabbed Jack by the shoulders and tossed him on his stomach. Jack hit hard, as Ennis climbed him. Ennis licked the back of Jack's neck, and spine, he then dragged his fingers to Jack's bare ass. He toyed with his entrance a bit, swirling his fingers around it, just to get it ready. Ennis then mounted Jack, and with little lubrication tunneled into him. Jack winced at the pain, the pain that felt like he would split in half. Jack moaned, and gasped for some air, as Ennis shoved his dick in deeper. Jack gave a loud yell, and closed his eyes at the pleasure. Ennis massaged Jack's back, then smacked it, and rammed into him four more times, Jack bawled at every one. It was all or nothing, that's the way Jack liked it. He felt his ass being ripped apart; he wasn't going to give up without a fight. He bucked back hard, like the bulls he rides. He felt Ennis lose strength; he released his muscles, and pushed back. Jack cried then bucked again. This time Ennis roared. _Stop, you're goin' to kill me. _Jack looked back at him; "I'll take those chances."

Jack bucked again, and again till Ennis didn't even move anymore. He threw his head back, and closed his eyes, as Jack danced on his cock. The ass on Ennis's thighs bounced up and down leaving Ennis's thighs tickling. Finally he bellowed one more time and released into Jack's ass. Jack felt the warm come in him. He felt it ooze out of his gaping hole. Ennis exited Jack Twist, and crawled up beside him. He was met a smile, and then closed it off with a kiss.

Both cowboys laid still for several minutes, enjoying the dark sky and the contrasting stars, till Ennis got up, went back in the truck, laid back on his seat and closed the door behind him. Jack glared, but tried to ignore it. He planned on sleeping on the back of the truck, let the cool air dry up his sweat, and massage his hard worked body. He breathed at a steady place, till he was so bothered by Ennis leaving him, that he got up, and walked to his side of the truck, entered it, closed the door behind him with a _slam_; he wanted to make sure Ennis woke up to see him. Ennis wouldn't have to worry about being alone. Jack looked over at Ennis; the slammed door only woke him up for seconds, he eyes were already closed again. Jack bent over to Ennis and planted a sexless kiss on his forehead, Jack wished him goodnight, then retreated to the back of the truck. If only Jack knew Ennis was awake, and he had heard and felt the kiss on his forehead. Tears ran down his face, was this love he felt in the pit of his chest?


	4. Prelude to John Twist

Chapter 4

Prelude to John Twist

If Jack had slept, he would of dreamt of Ennis. A dream where Ennis would wake up and talk all day without ever stopping to take a breath. But he didn't sleep; he just laid on his back on the truck, and stared aimlessly at the sky above him. The stars gleamed significantly against their black outline, like a face with many freckles. The air was fresh, gliding across Jack's naked body, giving him a passive massage and goose bumps. He shivered and rubbed his hands over his chest and arms, trying to get the warm back in them. He had placed his cowboy hat on his head, and sneaked a cigarette from the truck; Ennis still slept on the passenger seat. Jack was deep in thought, anyone could tell by looking at his eyes. He lit his smoke with his lighter, which he salvaged from Ennis's pants. He puffed on the stick, watching the smoke twirl before him, and slowly dance to the trees. Jack let the small cigarette warm his lips, and make his thoughts come much smoother. He thought of his childhood home, of his mama, and reluctantly of his dad.

John Twist was the kind of man that had to have control a hundred percent. If he did, your time around him might be enjoyable. But if John's _stud duck_ title were ever put under any competition, he would make your life a living hell. He grew up under harsh punishment in Riverton, Wyoming. He perfectly mirrored his father, short in stature, mean spirited, and strong as an ox. John grew up wanting approval from his father- much like Jack after him- but never seemed to gather that important love that all but fucked up his future and everyone in it. Jack hated everything about his father. He hated his one blue eye, and the brown one too. Their hatred seemed mutual; John was always on Jack's ass, either bitching up a storm or scolding him for not being tough as old taffy. Jack could never put those words in the back of his head; the words that hurt like lemon in a wound.

Years before Brokeback, Jack was just an adolescent working on his folks farm, dreaming of a better life. Jack was lacking in mechanical skill, but always tried his heart out, till it would bleed over his hands in many tears. Never did John care much for effort; only if the things he set out to do were finished was he a happy man. Jack was once ordered to paint the outside of the house, punishment for back talking. It was a painstaking process; he finished after a full days work. His dad was manically drunk that day; it was his tourniquet for arguing with Jack's mom. He came wobbling over to Jack, who was drenched in white paint, just as he finished. The two just stared at each other, till John opened his mouth and bellowed out something incoherently.

"_Goo' job, goo' job, boy." _His voice sounded lazed, and somewhat compassionate. John took more steps to Jack, but nearly fell into him. John embraced his son for the first time. Jack could feel the whisky breath on his arm, and tried to hide his shock by softly embracing back. _I love ya, boy. My only son, yes you are. _The words hit too close to home, Jack stood entirely still, dumbfounded as a tree that got shocked by lightning. He felt the stinging in his eyes; the long overdue tears slide down his cheek and across his lips. Jack placed his hand on his father's head; _I love you too, daddy. _John looked up at Jack, and clumsily put his hand on Jack's mouth.

"_You hush up now, go get'cha self a shower and go to bed." _Jack shook his head, wiped the tears off his face, and went passed his dad. He glanced back as he got to the house door. John was heading in the opposite direction, nearly falling over several times. His words were indented onto Jack's heart. That was the only moment his dad seemed to give a damn about him. The next day it was back to normal, maybe even a little worse thanks to a severe hangover. _He must have drunk a truckload of beer to show that much affection_.

Jack thought on the words, tearing them up, and thinking for some secret meaning. He continued to wisp in the cigarette, as he finally threw the whole thought away. _Ah, he was jus' drunk, that's why he said it. _Jack emptied his mind, and noticed the little change in the sky color. Not quit pure black now, some light was coming in from over the layer of trees, and then it disappeared. Jack guessed it was lightning, soon he realized it was when a fat raindrop smacked him in the face, putting out his cigarette. He whispered a curse, threw his butt aside, and jumped off the side of the truck. He quickly gathered his pants and entered the shelter of the old tin can. The rain came fast, pounding on the roof of the truck. Jack liked the sound of rain, but had a fright for lightning. The rain's melodic tapping calmed Jack. He stretched out on his seat, and peeked at Ennis, sleeping nude on the opposite seat. Jack smiled and removed his cowboy hat. A clash of lightning sent cold chills up Jacks' spine. He looked over at Ennis to see if it had stirred him. Unfortunately it didn't; Jack was force to ride it out alone.

The morning rose soon enough, and Jack had barely closed his eyes all night. He woke from a small catnap. The rain had stopped, and so had the lightning. Jack stretched and looked over at Ennis, who seemed to wake at Jack's glance. Ennis blinked at him, and yawned. "Did it rain last night?" He asked, wiping his eyes of tiredness and stretching. _Yes it did, sorry I couldn't get your pants for yah, and they're outside still. They're probably wet as a fat man's nec_k. Ennis chuckled and Jack did too, glad to know Ennis was in a good mood. Jack cracked his back and put his own pants on. Ennis gingerly opened his door, and gracefully stepped onto the cold earth. The twigs tickled his feet, and the semi-bright 5:00 am light blinded him. Ennis strode his way to his pile of soaked pants, and sighed. He put his hand on his hips, like Jack had done so many times. He aggressively picked up his clothes threw them on. The uncomfortable dampness against his pelvis and angles was bearable.

"Do you have any pairs a pants I can wear, Jack?" Jack stopped searching for his lighter in the truck, and froze for a moment. He quickly stared at Ennis, opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. Jack reluctantly opened it again and replied:

"Ah, yeah, sure Ennis, but can you wait till we get up tah my folks house? I have some clothes there you can wear." Ennis shrugged, and nodded wordlessly. Jack sighed a relief; he had something in his clothes case that he didn't want Ennis to see at the time. Jack thought for a moment. _If we leave now, most likely dad will still be there when we arrive. We can bide some time, and wait till he leaves to work in the field. It will be much easier that way. _He sighed again, and continued to search for the lighter that he lost when it began to rain. Finally he found it under his leg as he felt Ennis's presence next to his door. Jack looked at Ennis leaning against his glass, and grabbed his pack of smokes on his dashboard. Jack then used all his might to open the door and push Ennis's weight off of it. He was successful; Ennis nearly fell on his face, but balanced himself with quick feet. "You're stronger than you look, Jack Twist," he said lightheartedly. Jack half-smiled, and handed Ennis a cigarette. Jack lit his own, but refused to hand his lighter over to Ennis. Ennis playfully grimaced, _come Jack, you're depraving me of my right. _Jack snorted, and blew some smoke out of the side of his mouth. Ennis put his own stick to his lips, and gave Jack a pseudo-puppy dog frown. Jack guffawed. He leaned close to Ennis, letting the tip of his cigarette rub against the tip of Ennis's. Soon his was lighted, leaving both men smiling.

Jack took a step back from Ennis, who had stopped living in the moment. Ennis refused to meet Jack's eyes, he kicked up some dirt; giving him an alibi not to look at Jack. His voice came child-like, and fast.

"Well, I'm hungry as a l-lion, are we headin' out to your folks' place to get breakfast?" Ennis unnervingly shifted his weight to one side, and glared at Jack's almost vacant expression. _Nah, not yet. My old man leaves to go work in the fields at about 5:30, and I was planning on getting there…while he is gone. _Jack shifted this time. He didn't like showing his falters in front of people. The fear of his dad was no laughing matter; Jack hoped John Twist would be doing some heavy drinking before they arrived.

"Well, wha' time is it now?"

"Um, let me see," Jack said. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth, and reached inside of his truck. His hand found an old watch on the dashboard. The glass covering on the numbers was cracked, and every now and then it would stop. Jack gawked at the watch, slamming it against his own wrist to try and bring it to life. It ticked, and started to move again.

"Um…my guess is that it's about 5:10," Jack said confidently. Ennis dropped his shoulders, grabbed his cigarette between his fingers and exhaled. _Well, Jack, can't'cha_ _tell time?_ Ennis said, half-joking. Jack frowned, and placed his hand on his hips.

"A course I can, smart ass. But this piece a shit, is old, and it stalls sometimes, like your brain, Ennis." Jack proclaimed. He put more weight on his side, and smiled. Ennis licked his lips, and chuckled. Jack couldn't tell if he was pissed or jolly.

"Yah better take that back, Jack Twist, " Ennis threatened. "Or I might just have to give you a good lickin'." Jack smile widened, and he tossed his cigarette_. Ennis, you can lick me all you want. _Ennis tossed his smoke too, then closed in on Jack like the night before. He was over exaggerating his 'one foot before the other' cowboy walk. Ennis stopped a foot from Jack, and glared into his eyes of blue. The sea was brighter than ever today, Ennis found himself drowning; he needed to breathe. Ennis laid a soft, wet kiss on Jack's petal lips. He rubbed Jack's ear passionately, and breathed deep in him. Then he went on Jack's request. Ennis let his tongue drag on Jack's cheek. He dragged it to his left eye, then across his nose, and over his mouth. Jack quivered under the sudden lurch in his stomach; the thick wet skin on his face was shocking his groan, and his guts. Jack unwillingly pushed Ennis off. He hyperventilated, and put his hands up, as Ennis was closing in again.

"No, not yet. Lets wait till we get to my folks house and get something warm inside our stomachs." Jack put his hand to his chest and finally stalled his breathing. Ennis scowled, and distanced himself from Jack. Ennis felt words coming to him that he never knew before. They jester on his lips till he smiled and released them.

"If you want something warm in yah-."

"Ennis, I knew you were going to say something along that line." Jack side-smiled at Ennis, then turned to his truck and entered it. "Come on, we can drive_ really_ _slow."_ Jack closed his door behind him and turned the ignition. Ennis gawked for a minute then joined him. _How well does this man know me?_ The truck roared loud, and they took off towards the Twist farm.

They exited the hidden drive in the wood, and turned left to get back on the road. The sun was rising, and the beautiful blotches of blue, purple and pink overwhelmed Ennis. He took his normal spot against the passenger door and stared into the light. He put his hand above his eyes to shield them from too much exposure. He watched the clouds move, and how they seemed in single file, all in a row. He noticed a pinkish one that resembled a mutt, if he turned his head sideways. He saw another blue one that looked like a cowboy hat. Thinking of one, Ennis came back to life and began to frantically search for his hat. His eyes interrogated the dashboard, then Jack seat. But finally they looked near Ennis's feet and he saw the tan cowboy hat under his left foot. He sighed and reached down and grabbed it. Its top was partially dented in, but with his hand stuck up it like he puppet, he fixed that problem. He slapped off some dirt on it, and smiled. He placed it on his head; now he felt completed. He was startled by Jack's giggle, and turned to look at him. _Ennis Del Mar, you never cease to amaze me. _Ennis smirked at the compliment and egotistically stuck out his chest.

"Well, I'm glad lil' missy that I ain't bored you yet." Proud of his smart ass comeback, Ennis laid back against the door, as he heard Jack mutter something under his breath. He watched the landscape leave him and the bright colors fill him again. This time he didn't put up his hand for protection; he looked deep into the most brilliant part of the mass of clouds. The yellowish light of the sun was slowly breaking through the other more colorful clouds like a chick breaks through its egg. Ennis found himself being lost in its wave of majestic illumination. He closed his eyes, felt the truck slowing down a tad bit. Jack's voice opened his eyes.

"After these trees we'll be in a long haul with nothing around 'xept my childhood house. God how I hate to come back here sometimes." Jack's voice sounded pained. He looked around the plains and started to shake. Jack was no doubt reminiscing on all the horror that he had endured here. Ennis turned his body so he was looking at Jack. He delicately put his hand on Jack's arm, and almost in a whisper said; _You'll be all right. If that fool messes with yah, he'll have to answer tah me, 'kay?_ Jack felt a sudden relief from his lower chest. He took a corpulent breath. Then smiled a fake smile. Really he wasn't happy, he was saddened. He was afraid of seeing his dad, remembering the last vague words he spoke to Jack before he headed up to Brokeback Mountain. _Jack, keep that dick in your pants and do your job and get out with the money. _Jack remembered being shocked as hell with his dad's extreme audaciousness. He blinked his eyes, nodded then left without another word. He had questioned John's understanding of him, weather he knew that Jack was gay or not, Jack never thought John knew anything about him except that he was a _piece of shit, worthless son_. Jack dashed his hand at a fallen tear, making sure Ennis didn't see it. Ennis took his hand back and put it on Jack's thigh, rubbing it poetically.

Soon the truck was in the covering of the trees. The new sun light flickered from above. The sharp smell of gasoline was in the air, but Ennis and Jack ignored it. Ennis nervously tapped his hand on Jack's thigh, but pulled his hand back when a rather large white house came into view.

They had made it out of the safety of the trees, but were now in the dead light. Jack slowed the truck to a near stop. He reached for the watch on the dashboard and read the time. _5:36, man I'm good_. Jack had succeeded on making a two-mile drive last about fifteen minutes. He put the watch back in its place, and turned to Ennis. "Your gonna love my mama. She is a damn fine cook, she makes the best cookies in the world." Jack smiled, and then gunned the truck into the large gravel parking lot.

The house seemed taller than the farm, which was about twenty feet from its right side. The paint job that Jack had applied years ago still stayed. Bits and pieces of the dry cover had peeled off, and Ennis wondered why John Twist never repainted it. The house was wide and seemed like the perfect place to grow up at. Ennis pulled on his shirt he had vigorously tore off the night before, then stepped outside right when Jack killed the engine. The air was cool on his face it washed his arms, and pushed his wet jeans to his legs. Jack took his time getting out into the light. His cowboy boots crunched up particles as they met the earth. He yawned and stretched again. He stared at Ennis who just stared down at the dirt. "So, Ennis it's nice ain't it?" Jack half joked. He chuckled and reached under the driver's seat to grab his suitcase full of clothes. Ennis then bent and pulled his sack out of the truck. Both men closed their doors, and made their way to the front door. Jack walked right up to it, but Ennis stopped five feet from it. He recklessly took off his hat and put it behind his back. He waited as Jack opened the stubborn door, and called in.

"Mama, its Jack, yah in?" His voice was child-like, and Ennis couldn't help but laugh at it. Jack was met with a soft call from within. _Jack, your back already? We_ _weren't expecting you for a while now. We thought maybe you would stop back at your place first. _The voice got louder, until a short brisk woman came into Ennis's view. She had long flowing red hair, and eyes like Jack's, but greenish. She had a cute smile on her face that made Ennis warm inside. Her face was fair, but with some early bloomed lines around the eyes. She wore an apron around her tight waist. She put her hands up to Jack's cheeks and landed two kissed on both. _Hi mama, how are you?_ "Oh I'm fine, I'm fine." She smiled wide, but her eyes met Jack's neck. There on Jack's neck was a bruise-like circle of color. She gave it a good two-second stare until she convinced herself it was a bruise and hugged him tight. Her kind eyes finally reached Ennis, standing alone in the parking lot, looking on hauntingly. She frowned, not a mad frown, but a neglected frown. She pulled herself away from Jack. "Now Jack, who might this young fellow be?"

Jack nervously looked back at Ennis. His voice came in as a stutter. "T-this is Ennis. He was the other r-ranch hand working up on Brokeback. He came because he…ain't got nowhere to go. And I promised him the best cookies in the world. Can he stay, mama?" Jack looked back at her, and faked a puppy-frown that Ennis recognized right away. Jack's mother put her hand to her chest; she took a deep compassionate breath.

"Oh Jack that's mighty kind of you to ask my permission for something for once. He's a friend of yours, he's always welcome here." She smiled another spacious smile. Jack smiled one back. And kissed his mother's cheek. _Thanks mama, he's a good friend a mine, and can you get tah makin' your cookies, while I show Ennis around?_ She nodded, clasped her hands together, and told Ennis it was nice meeting him, she turned and walked back out of Ennis's sight. Jack released a breath and turned to Ennis. _'nuff ass kissin' for one day._ Ennis smirked, now that's the Jack Twist he knew all too well. He walked up to Jack side and entered the domain with him. The first room was a large dining room. The walls all around were white, and so were the curtains in a nearby window. Ennis looked around, and couldn't believe that so much white could fit in a room. In the middle of the room sat a rugged brown table, with a chair at each far end. Jack sighed, and put his hand on Ennis's shoulder. _The dining room, its too bland for my taste, but so is this whole house._ Jack suddenly jumped when his mother called from the kitchen, which was connected to the dining room to Ennis's right.

"Jack, I heard that!" She yelled. Many pans could be heard clanging together in the room. The smell of coffee seized Ennis and Jack. The uplifting smell seemingly woke them instantly. Also was the smell of pancakes, sweet pancakes. Ennis felt a sudden jerk from Jack, who was excitingly pulling him along to a staircase on the opposite side of the kitchen. They dropped their clothes by the front door, and then ran up the white stairs, holding onto the white railing, and looking up to the white upstairs. Jack was moving as quick as lightning. When both him and Ennis reached the platform on the top of the stairs, four white doors were seen. Jack pointed to one at a time, and defined them.

"That's mama and dad's room. That's the bathroom. That's my childhood bedroom. And that's the guest bedroom. That's where I sleep when I visit here, 'cause my old bed is too small now. But I guess you'll be sleeping in there this time around." Jack took a deep breath and slowed his pace. Ennis just glared at Jack's childhood room door. Ennis's soft voice brought ecstasy to Jack.

"Uh, Jack, your mama said you had a place of your own?" Ennis hide his eyes from Jack again, looking down at the foot of the door. Jack frowned, searched for the words then found them.

"I had a place of my own, but the last week before I drove up to Brokeback, I still hadn't paid my rent." Jack's voice came uncertain. He was telling the truth, but was afraid that Ennis wouldn't believe it. "Well, Elbert Johnson, he's, he's my landlord, told me I was going to get thrown out since, since I didn't pay the rent. So I am also officially homeless." Jack half-smiled and stared into Ennis's marbles. Ennis looked up at Jack's eyes.

"What about your stuff, bud? Don't you want your stuff at your apartment?" Ennis asked. He bit a fingernail, and pulled on it like a tiger. Jack bit his tongue softly, then leaned in and unexpectedly laid a soft kiss on Ennis's mouth, knocking the fingers away with his hand.

"_Ennis, I have you, and that's all I want,"_ Jack whispered. He pulled his mouth away from Ennis's, and smiled. _Come on, I'll show you my old room. _Jack walked over to the third door on the landing and opened it with a little push and pull. The room wasn't dusty as expected. Jack told Ennis how his mother cherished the memories of him growing up. _She said I had a smile on me like a dove's song._ Ennis admired the room; it was small and pale, and yet welcoming. He glanced at a desk against the left wall. On it was little knickknacks of cowboys and horses. Above the figurines was a Beebe gun on a rack. Jack explained that it was the first gun he ever got, and how he cried off ten pounds to get it. Ennis rubbed his hand on the gun, feeling its engravings. Crossways from the desk was Jack's old bed. It was very small, with wool blankets, and a tough old pillow. Jack proclaimed how he used to wring it out all night on that bed. Ennis just faked smiled at him. He didn't want to hear that now, because his eyes were focused on the closet. Next to the desk was a rather large doorway, closed off by sheet. Ennis pulled back the sheet and looked into the darkness. On the right side wall was a rack with several old outfits hanging on it. Many were cowboy oriented. Ennis smiled a real smile, but the smell of the closet was of mold, so Ennis closed it back off, and turned to Jack.

"I like it, Jack," Ennis began. "I wish I had a room half as good as this one when I was young. But I always had to share with KE, that's my older brother." Jack smiled, and then lashed at Ennis's hair. He pulled it hard and slammed his face into his. Their lips connected with sweet syrup and Greek fire. Not even water would kill it. They went on kissing, till Ennis pushed Jack back. He fell on the bed, and Ennis smiled at him. He leaned down on Jack's chest and caressed his side, with one hand, then reached up into Jack's shirt with the other. He finally found Jack's nipple, he tickled and pinched it with his fingers. Jack moaned and licked Ennis's mouth. Nothing could stop their craving for each other except the craving of food. Jack's mother called from the kitchen, telling them breakfast and the cookies were done. Jack sighed, looked up at Ennis, and smiled. They both shared a laugh, and then they made their way downstairs for some food.


	5. Breakfast

Chapter 5

Breakfast

**Author's notes**: _I would like to quickly apologize for the ton of typos that I had in the last chapter. I wrote it at 4 in the morning and was only half there mentally._

Jack and Ennis thundered down the steps. They instinctly ran to the kitchen, pushing each other back in forth, like it was a competitive race. Ennis entered the room first. It was a small rectangular room with pale walls like the rest of the house. Jack's mother stood leaning against the sink, covered in sweat and tenderness. She had just finished the bacon, and already had a whole array of food on the counter. Her eyes met Ennis as he dashed into the room. Ennis froze when he saw her, like she was a watchdog that only responded to movement. She looked him straight in the eye and decided to test him, see what kind of man he was. Ennis was telling himself not to look down; he met her eyes with a shy gleam. His head nodded side to side, fighting the urge not to look down. He was losing the fight, but Jack came prancing in the kitchen; breaking their concentration. "Take some of this food to the table, son. I'll look for something Ennis can do." Jack complied and grabbed two plates of food, taking them to the dining room. Jack was back in a second, he sent a smile Ennis's way, who sent one back.

"Jack, go get another chair from the basement for your guest." Her voice was calm and still sweet as butter. Jack nodded and left the room, abandoning Ennis. This was yet another way of getting Ennis in the raw. Ennis felt all courage leave his body. He listened to Jack's feet pounding on the creaky wood floor; he secretly missed his presence already. Jack's mother examined Ennis's stature and clothes. From afar Ennis looked like a normal cowboy. No he had all his teeth, and was still pretty nice looking, but the rugged, clichéd cowboy was deep in his demeanor. He had no real facial hair, he made sure of it, because his dad had a bit of a mustache and didn't want to resemble him in anyway. He had a boyish charm to him that would get any girl, if he chased after them, that is. His most adored attribute was his curly blonde hair. How it was dabbed with some brown, often his bangs swayed in his face if not tidied. Jack's mother bit her tongue and put her hand on her hip like someone Ennis knew.

"So, where ya from, Ennis?" Her question was simple enough and Ennis knew he could answer it without much thought. She turned her back at him as soon as he began to answer. _Riverton, Wyomin', just like Jack's dad. _He pushed the simple words out like they were a puff of smoke. He leaned on his side, and found a point to stare at in the kitchen. Jack's mother turned back towards him, from whatever she was doing. "Jack told yah, 'bout his daddy?" Ennis nodded, then returned to staring at a floorboard. He rocked back on his heels nervously, creating a nice rhythm of squeaks with his feet. _A little bit, he told me his, his dad used to rodeo. _He ignored the other things Jack told about his dad, but was surprised when Jack's mother brought them up.

"Did he tell you that his daddy's a asshole, Ennis?" She asked. Ennis looked up at her, and wondered how this small woman had such a grip on his guts. Maybe she reminded him of his own late mother, a lively girl she was. "It's okay if he did, John is never too nice to Jack. No matter how many times I would complain, he always drew out the belt in the end." She frowned and sighed. "John, now he's a tolerable man when Jack isn't around. Sad, but true, since Jack was an infant." Her voice was little above a whisper, making sure Jack didn't hear her. Ennis shifted uncomfortably, and glanced at the two or three more plates of food that needed to be taken to the table. _Here, let me get those for yah._ Ennis made a path to the food, but Jack's mother put up her hands. "Nah let Jack get them. I just told him that I was going to busy you, to make it look like I have brought you into the family already." She wiped her brow, then leaned in unsettlingly close to Ennis. Her voice was itchy, but wasn't any louder than a mouse. "Um, you see Ennis; Jack never had much friends growin' up. I don't know why, but he wasn't like other boys his age. That's why John resents him, and that's why I'm trying to make you at home here." She reached out and hugged Ennis's chest, then patted his back. "You and him can stay as long as you like." She smiled a blossoming smile, and Ennis couldn't help but send one back. He nodded then turned to the sound of thumping from behind.

Jack emerged from a hall next to the stairs, carrying a yellow chair under one arm, and a white one under the other. "I got one for dad, too." He sounded excited. He placed the yellow chair on the long side of the table and the white one on the opposing side. "Here you go, Ennis. But don't worry, I'll take the yellow one." He giggled, and Ennis did too. His mind still full of what Jack's mother had said. Jack made his way past him. He affectionately rammed his shoulder into Ennis's. Ennis fell back a tad from the unexpected blow. Jack went directly to the plates full of food, and picked up the remaining ones and carried them to the dining table. Ennis wanted to get revenge on Jack, but wouldn't if Jack's hands were full of china. But Jack Twist was usually clumsy, and would almost certainly drop one of the dishes. Jack made it to the table and gingerly placed the glass on the wood. He glanced up at Ennis, and egotistically grinned. He knew what Ennis was thinking, and he secretly hated the unspoken doubts. Jack wiped his face with his bare arm; and then he made his way to his suitcase of clothes next to the front door. He unzipped the case, but quickly zipped it back up again. He half-turned to Ennis, his face full of some fear. He mopped his mouth, and slowly unzipped the case again, this time only halfway.

Jack once again half looked at Ennis, and when their eyes met, he swiftly turned back to his case. He blindly reached his hand into it, and pulled easily at some fabric. He wanted to see what color it was before he took it out for all to see. He let part of the attire exit the suitcase. It was a blue shirt, with some stains on it. Jack rapidly pushed it back into its holder, and dug deeper. He grabbed a thinner cloth, and tugged. This one was plaid, he took it out all the way, and threw it on. Jack fretfully zipped his case back up. He turned to Ennis, who seemed to stare at his heart, and read it like a book. Jack nodded an uneasy nod. _I'll show you later_. Ennis felt relieved, not wanting secrets to be kept from each other so early in the relationship. That word puzzled Ennis. _Relationship._ Never had it truly applied to him, but he was sort of uplifted by the fact that it did now. He was glad to have Jack by his side, and not Alma, but he couldn't help but fear of what might become of them in the future.

Jack's mother finally departed the kitchen with a butter dish, and syrup in her hands. She sat at the far end of table that was not close to the front door, which was taken by Ennis. Jack took the yellow chair like he promised. He handed Ennis a knife and fork, and told him to dig in. Ennis sat for a minute, admiring the scent of the pancakes. The smell teased with his nostrils, and warmed his mouth; he couldn't remember the last time he had seen sucha appetizing breakfast. "I would dig in, but I don' know where to begin. It all looks mighty fine." Ennis threw a lopsided smile on his face, and Jack's mother grinned_. Thanks so much, dear, but eat, please. I would rather see you stuff yourself than compliment me and not even touch the food._ Ennis's smile faded. He looked at a plate of towering pancakes in front of him. He grabbed his mighty fork and jabbed into the top one, picked it up and placed it on his plate. He grabbed two more, then asked Jack for the syrup.

"Jack, can yah…please pass the syrup, Jack." Ennis was edgy; he was not accustomed to eating at a table with a family. His folks didn't care for it; he often just ate on his old front porch. Then he could toss any food he didn't want to the dogs. Jack burst into a sweet laughter, his mouth full of bacon. Ennis's head drooped, but put a smile on his face. He was happy and embarrassed at the same time. Jack quit laughing only when he nearly choked on his food, and his mother tapped his arm with her fork. Jack grabbed the syrup and handed it to Ennis. _Here, yah go, bud_. He fought back the tears of hilarity. "Thank yah, Jack," Ennis added sarcastically. He drowned his pancakes with the thick liquid. He watched its ember-color flop on the food, and he cursed aloud when he accidentally spilled some on his long sleeved shirt. He thought nothing of it. He finished with the syrup, and put it on the table. He swiped at the syrup on his sleeve, and sighed. He looked up when Jack's mother spoke.

"Ennis, since this is your first time under this roof, I'll inform you, that we try to limit the swearing words." Ennis got red in the face, and he bit his lip. He was about to apologize, but then a thought occurred to him_. But you cursed in the kitchen, not even five minutes ago._ He was afraid he stepped over a boundary; it was in fact her house. Jack's mother grimaced. "I don't recall a curse word ever leaving my lips, Ennis." She gave him the 'shut up now' look and he smiled at her grin of awkwardness. They continued to eat in silence. Jack finished his fair share first, eating most of the bacon and three pancakes. He had got up to put his dishes in the sink when he remembered the coffee. He asked if Ennis wanted some, and he sure did. Jack disappeared into the kitchen, as Jack's mother made conversation.

"Was the work on Brokeback hard? I heard the weather gets bad up there, and so does the predator loss." Ennis looked at her, and swallowed down some bacon he had been chewing. _Ah, it wasn' too hard. Nothing I ain' used to doin', and I had Jack to help out, though he was a terrible aim, and couldn't cook worth a damn._ They chuckled at that, as Jack rejoined them. He first put his coffee mug down, then went to hand Ennis his, but had other thoughts on his mind. As Ennis's fingers came close to grasping the cup, Jack let the cup go. It fell on Ennis's lap, and bleached his wet jeans with coffee. Ennis yelled, and stood up like he was an over-enthusiastic lawyer, objecting a point. Jack cursed aloud, and picked up the cup from the ground. Luckily it wasn't even chipped; he placed it on the table. And looked up at Ennis.

"Shit-sorry mom- I'm sorry, Ennis." His voice was half-convincing, half brooding. "Well you needed to change the wet clothes anyway. Mama, I'll lend Ennis some clothes, we'll be right back." Jack boldly grabbed Ennis's hand and pulled him quickly up the stairs. The coffee had luckily soaked into Ennis's jeans, so they left no path of it as they walked. They reached the guest room in no time. Ennis closed the door behind him, and turned right when Jack lunged at him. _Where were we?_ They kissed hard, and grinded harder. Jack's thigh was rubbing against Ennis's, as were their chests. Ennis rubbed Jack's chest up and down, and even went to unbutton Jack's shirt. Jack pulled back like a jack-in-the-box. Ennis felt his heart sank.

"What's the matter with you?" Ennis was frustrated. "You take me up here to, to…yah know; but then you push away just when it was gettin' good?" Jack rolled his eyes, and grabbed Ennis's belt. He swiftly unbuckled it and pulled it off. _Ennis, sometimes, I just need your touch so much, I will do anything to get it. My mama's waitin' for us down stairs, so we can't go too far. I just wanted a kiss, and well to watch you undress. _Ennis rolled his eyes, then giggled. He reached for his pants, and unbuttoned them. He sensually pulled them down; his eyes never left Jack's. Jack followed his hands pulling the trousers down, His eyes were open wide, but he smacked himself out of it. He turned to the closet in the guest room, and found a pair of pants on the floor. He smelled them then tossed them to Ennis. Ennis held them up to his waist to see if they might fit. He tried them on, and found that they were just a little loose; perfect. Jack watched him put them on. Then he leaned into Ennis and laid a soft kiss on his lips. _Ya happy now?_

"No, not quite. I need a shower. Tell your mom I'm awful sorry about the mess." Ennis blushed for the numberless time that day. Jack looked at him in admiration. _Why? You didn't make the mess I did! _Ennis glared at him with persisting eyes. "I wouldn' feel right if she didn' know how sorry I am." Ennis snorted, ignored Jack's confused look, and made his way out of the room, removing his shirt as he went. Jack followed him out of the door, and watched as Ennis walked like a man that just won the lottery towards the bathroom. Ennis opened the door, looked inside and smiled. He glanced back at Jack. "This is a mighty fine bathroom you guys got." He whispered the words, then laughed. Jack chuckled too, and crossed his arms as Ennis threw his shirt on the floor. _Oh, Ennis. _Jack watched patiently till Ennis started to strip in the bathroom, not caring to close the door. Ennis pulled his pants down around bare his ass and shook it mockingly at Jack, who just guffawed as loud as a car backfiring. He laughed till Ennis muttered something under his breath and closed the door. Jack frowned, then glided down the steps. He joined his mother in the dining room. She was moping up the mess of coffee on the floor around Ennis's empty chair. Jack walked up behind her and embraced her back.

"Oh sorry, mama. I could clean that up if you wan' me to, " Jack said, adding the child-like lore to his voice again." His mother didn't stop mopping, but she told him she would do it. "Well, mama, Ennis said he was sorry for the mess too." This stopped her mopping. She glanced at Jack, who pulled himself off of her, and smiled. _Why, he didn't need to apologize, it was you Jack Twist that made the mess! I bet you toyed with his head to make him think he it was his fault. I know you Jack Twist, and believe it or not, there are characteristics that you picked up from your father._ She continued to mop, not even when Jack burst out in a small rant did she stop.

"He ain't stupid, mama. I don't think I could fool him if I tried. He's a realist, never seems to dream at all." Jack laughed at that, and broke into thought. He itched his chin, and drew an idea. "I'm gonna go put our belongin's upstairs, kay?" She shook her head, not paying much attention. Jack grabbed his suitcase of clothes, and Ennis's small bag and headed slowly to the steps. As he reached the top, he heard the shower pounding down hard, and a voice humming from inside. Ennis was singing to himself in the shower. Jack thought how sweet that was, and then made his way to his old room. He closed the door behind him with a swift kick, and dropped his suitcase on the bed. He viciously unzipped it, and let his eyes be engulfed of the sight in front of him. There laying in the case, was his blue shirt he had wore on the last day on Brokeback; yesterday. The stains of blood from Ennis's nose were scattered on it like a leopard's spots. Inside the shirt was another, larger one. It was white with some faded green lines on it. This was Ennis's shirt that he had taken before heading down to Aguirre. The significances of the shirts lost him. He thought he wasn't going to see Ennis again for a while, and he wanted something to remember him by. He wanted to remember his touch, his smell, and of course his love.

"_His love?_" Jack whispered to himself. He felt a tingling in his chest. It just felt right to use the word love when thinking of Ennis. He knew that Ennis would probably never say he loved Jack, but he couldn't help but dream about it. He sighed, and gracefully grabbed the shoulders of the shirts, and lifted them up against his chest. He smiled and danced with the shirts slowly. Jack closed his eyes, and let the shirts move him. _What am I doing? Ennis is just a room' away. I'm acting like I haven't seen him in years. Oh but it felt that way sometimes. _Jack sighed again, and took a whiff of the shirts. They smelled of grass, sweat, and work. The aroma played with his heartstrings, and danced on his brain. He had to force himself to put them back into their holding chamber before Ennis got out of the shower. He reluctantly placed them back in the case, and zipped it up just as he heard the shower stop. Jack wiped his eyes, and then grabbed Ennis's pack and took it to the guest bedroom. He tossed the belongings on the bed and quickly exited the room. Jack was heading down stairs, when his inquisitiveness took a hold. He glided to the closed bathroom door, and delicately placed his ear up against it. He felt the liquid steam on his cheek, making his position uncomfortable, but he didn't care.

Jack leaned in closer, and tried to gather the muffled sounds from inside. He heard Ennis pull back the shower curtain, and step his wet feet on the tile floor. Jack heard the rustling of clothes and more humming. Jack smiled impishly. He stuck his tongue out and bit it to stop the laughs from coming. Ennis, like Jack, wasn't much of a singer, or even a hummer. Both of their voices were made to agree or to give orders, not to sing. Ennis's humming was so sweet though, it reminded Jack of a child skipping on the street. Jack heard a new noise so he bent in even farther. It was the rough sound of razor on skin. Jack gasped; Ennis must have been using John's razors. He laughed silently, and then decided he had heard enough. Jack made his way downstairs. His mother was sitting at the table, in deep thought. He joined her, and purposely started a conversation about Ennis.

"You know he's a good man, mama," Jack said gently. His mom looked up at him and smiled. _Yeah, I know Jack. He has such a shyness to him that you don't see everyday. I like him, and I hope you two will stay around for a while. I wonder what your daddy will think of Him._ Jack grimaced at her words. He forgot his dad would be home later that day. He despised the hour and the minute that John would stick his head in the door. He looked away from his mom, and reminisced on angry words that had been thrown at him at a young age. Soon his head was filled with the words; they mocked and joked with Jack. _Faggot, faggot. You queer. No son of mine is a faggot. You're a worthless piece of shit! _The words stung his eyes, and took his breath. He felt a big heap of sadness thrown down his throat. Only when Ennis came down from the shower five minutes later, did Jack come to. Ennis had the jeans back on, but no shirt. Jack noticed how his mother, of all people, locked up when she saw him coming. Jack himself felt his pants shrinking, but his mother_? I guess just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu._

"Jack, go get your friend a shirt," she said, looking down as Ennis approached the table. He turned beat red. Jack irately sighed, then pushed Ennis, giving him a sign to follow him. Ennis was halfway up the steps when he turned back to Jack's mother. _S-sorry if I made you f-feel uncomfortable, ma'am. _She didn't look up at Ennis, but she exhaled and said it was all right. Ennis crookedly smiled then ran to catch up with Jack. In seconds they were rolling on the guest room's bed, kissing and groping. Ennis bit Jack's nipple, and massaged it with his tongue. Jack moaned aloud, then instantly placed his hand on his mouth to drown the sound. Ennis licked his belly button then flew back up to Jack's lips. Jack smiled then called it quits. Both men frowned, but they only had to wait till the night. Jack handed Ennis a plaid shirt like his own from his stash of clothes in the guest closet. They shared a smile and a peck on the cheek before going back downstairs. They once again sat at the dining table, and made conversation. All three talked of work and animals, and even on the subject of country singer Skeeter Davis's new song.

"Oh, I love that song, they play it on the radio a lot too," said Jack's mom. She was deep into the conversation. "I wish I could get the radio to work, but it got a tad crushed." Ennis leaned in on the table. _If you don't mind me asking, ma'am, how did the radio get slightly crushed? _Jack's mom turned pale, she raised her hand to her throat and rubbed it gently as if to pull off some spirit choking her. She cleared her throat several times. "Well, John threw it against the wall. You see its not totally crushed, maybe just broken from the inside-some screws lose." Jack then joined in.

"Oh Ennis knows a lot about loose screws." Jack laughed and so did his mom. Ennis colored, and elbowed Jack in the chest. That put a smirk on his face. They continued to talk the hours away. Ennis, though doing the least amount of talking, felt his throat getting sore. He rubbed it softly, but continued to listen to one of Jack's mom's teenage memories. All was going so fine, all three laughed; all three were uplifted from their usual melancholic position, and placed onto a spinning wheel of hysteria. Only when Ennis, Jack and his mom heard a vehicle drive into the parking lot, did they stall. Ennis's heart jumped. He quickly glanced at Jack, who wasn't even there. Jack's face had turned snow-white. He stopped breathing, not moving an inch. His beautiful blue eyes turned a dark color, like his soul was being sucked out of him. Ennis noticed he got goose bumps. Jack's mother grimaced to; she got from her seat and walked to the front door. Her hand reluctantly grabbed the knob and twisted. She left them alone in the house. Ennis felt Jack shaking. Jack shook so badly he moved the table. Ennis put his hand on Jack's shoulder and turned him. He looked deep into his shadow eyes of fright.

"Now, Jack Twist, you better snap out of it. I promised, I promised. I promised to defend you if he gets violent, 'kay?" Jack shook ghostly, and faked a smile. Ennis leaned in and laid a quick kiss on his lips. The voice of Jack's mother could be heard close to the door, so could the raspy voice of someone else. The shadows reflected on the door, and Ennis's heart skipped a beat; John Twist had come home early.


	6. Dancing in Fear and Frustration

Chapter 6

Dancing in Fear and Frustration

The hard footsteps sent a blizzard up Ennis and Jack's spine. As a hand grasped the doorknob and turned it, they bolted up from their chairs. The door creaked open, splashing the dining room with light from the morning sun. First came Jack's mother, informing the man behind her that Jack and Ennis were in the dining room. She looked worried, her face pale as a ghost. As she turned into the dining room, Ennis could finally get a good look at John Twist. He was a short man, balding with some brown hair. His eyes, one blue, one brown, could puncture an elephant hide. His skin, deeply tanned, and defined, looked like leather. Ennis gulped and put his hands behind his back. He let the sweat fall from his face, and onto his shirt over and over again. Ennis took a bold glance at Jack, who was standing behind him. His looked killed Ennis; his face was whitish, his eyes were drooped, and his fingers shook noticeably in his pocket. He shifted to one side and continued to stare at his father. The room was met with uneasiness; the only sound was John Twist's grunts and boots on the hard floor.

John took a swipe at Ennis with his eyes. He stared him down and snorted unimpressed. Ennis shriveled under the devil's eyes; he put his head down, but he greatly longed to look up. _Come on, look up, you bitch. _Ennis tried to mentally motivate himself. He Knew in his gut that this wasn't a way to get to know your friend's daddy, so he was rushed with a momentary valor. Ennis looked up from his edginess, and extended his hand towards him. John didn't know what to think, he stared at Ennis's hand, then grasped it hard. "You must be Ennis Del Mar, Anne jus' told me about you." Ennis faked a smirk and let go of the grasp on John's hand, letting his arm once again fall behind his back. _Yep, sure am, _he said confidently. John half-smiled then took a one second glanced at Jack. He saw the look on Jack's face, and he knew he had him rapped around his finger. Jack took a step closer to Ennis's side, and cleared his throat. He shoved a child-like stare at his dad. Ennis's assurance seemed to have melted into Jack's heart.

"H-hey, dad." Jack's voice was desperate for attention. Its echo broke Ennis's heart, but he hid that deep within him. Jack frowned when John didn't even send him a look. Sorrow flew into Jack's chest, his whole body drooped and his face contorted at the lack of love. Ennis stared at his handsome face, seeing a single tear race down his cheek. Ennis frowned but turned his attention towards John, who had just started to speak.

"So, Jack, what brought yah back so early? I suppose they found out 'bout your little secret." His voice was throaty, and it seemed to always sound like he was in a bad mood. Jack nearly jumped at the words _your secret_. He half-glanced at Ennis, but then turned full to his dad. _What secret?_ Jack didn't know how much he could take this day. John sat in the white chair that Jack had brought up from the basement, and put his feet on the table. He used his hands as a pillow, and then snorted.

"They finally realized that you're completely worthless." His voice was cold as ice. He felt no sympathy for his only son. A wicked smile stretched on his face, as Anne, Jack's mother, nabbed him gently on the arm_. Now don't be rude, John. Jack helped with breakfast, and he's been very good at showing his friend around. _John's face stayed the same, he snorted again, and nodded his head. "He knows I'm just fuckin' with him, right Jack?" He looked to Jack for an answer. Jack was dilapidated. His face looked worn, no longer a pearly smile on it, but an ugly pale glower. He nodded his head, _right._ Ennis half-admired the depth of insult that Jack could take. Ennis knew if it had been him who said that Jack was worthless, Jack would throw a punch or grin, but he seemed so powerless under his daddy's stare. Jack took a deep breath, and glanced at Ennis's compassionate face. This time it didn't send Jack to a utopia. They read each other. Ennis was saying, _stay calm, stay calm, Jack. _That thought made Jack feel a little better. Jack's face read _god, I hate that man_, and _I'm sad, and desperate for your happy_.

Anne Twist walked into the dining room from the kitchen. With her was a plate covered in foil; she had saved some food for John. She placed it diligently on the table, and then joyfully clasped her hands together. Jack's father removed his feet from the table and plucked at the foil, revealing bacon and a couple of hot pancakes. He then threw the foil back on the food, his expression not changing an inch. _Not hungry. _Anne grimaced, and then took a look at Ennis and Jack, she was wordlessly crying for help. Jack felt her pain leap into him; him and Ennis had to get out of the house. Jack swirled back to Ennis enthusiastically, and asked him if he wanted to see the family plot, and the barn. Ennis nodded and said he was glad to have met John. They exited the dungeon, and closed the door behind them.

Jack took a breath of fresh air, as if he had been holding it all this time. Ennis followed slowly behind him, head full a thoughts. The day was still young; Ennis guessed it was no later than noon. The sun reflected bright shadows on Jack's truck and an even older looking one next to it. They kicked up dust as they walked across the large driveway, and headed to the barn. The barn was a small one, covered in tattered red paint, and dirt. Jack loomed in on the front sliding door, and gave it a pull. He pulled and pulled but couldn't get it open. Ennis looked at his young friend tugging and sweating, till Jack stopped and looked at Ennis. "Don't just stand there, I need help!" Ennis laughed then moved behind Jack, placing his hip against Jack's butt bone. Jack closed his eyes, and breathed in soft long breaths. He felt Ennis softly rub his arm, and then his neck. Ennis grabbed the door and sent a hard thrust into Jack, nearly knocking him face first into the door. Jack groaned and blushed. "Wrong way, Ennis_."_ Ennis bent in and kissed Jack's neck_. But it just feels right_. Jack snickered then slammed his ass into Ennis's hip, causing him to fall backwards to the dirt. Ennis hit with a thud than a laugh. _Jack fuckin' Twist, I jus' took a shower. You always seem to get me dirty, and…all funny inside._ Jack gave him a hand up then told Ennis that's what he was there for.

They finally got the barn door open. The indoors was dark and damp. The smell of wet hay, and cow drenched the air around them. Ennis was used to the smell, but it seemed to annoy Jack. They entered the barn, feet on hay and the hard floor of concrete. They paced around the volume aimlessly till they reached the cow stalls. The air was rancid, and full of flies, harassing the mighty bovines. Ennis tentatively walked to a cow, and placed his hand through the fence to pat its muscular back. The cow seemed unbothered by Ennis's harmless demeanor. Jack watched on in admiration_, I wish I was half as good with animals as he his._ Jack remembered one time when he was chased by a bull in the pasture. He remembered thinking of his death that day, and how his dad wouldn't care. Jack grimaced and came to as Ennis turned to him.

"Where does yer dad work at?" Jack bit the inside of his mouth, and let lose an explanation.

"Well, you see, Ennis, he works somewhere with machinery and shit like that. I forgot the name of it. Dad was never too good at working with advanced technology; not the only thing he wasn't good at." Jack's voice almost broke. Ennis could hear the sad bitterness in the last part of the sentence. He gave Jack a side _don't-pull-this-again_ look. Jack just stared him back, and then clamped his chest with his fist. He gave out a sound of aching pain within, and fell on his knees. Ennis was over to him, rocking him back in forth in a second. "He hates me, Ennis and I don't know why I care. I hate him too, I guess, but I don't know. Maybe my hate isn't true, he's my daddy after all." Jack spoke through many tears, and sniffed some up. Ennis didn't speak, just kept on rocking, he knew it was best for Jack to spill his guts out now and not in the danger zone of the house. He combed Jack's hair with his hand and shushed his loud sobs. "Poor mama never gets away from him, only when he leaves for work does she act like her normal self. God I have the worst damn luck in the world. And here I am being rocked by a guy I lo-… get up with, and I'm not even kissing him."

Ennis kissed Jack's head and smiled. "You're just brooding, Jack. You'll get over it. Gosh you cry so much, sometimes I mistake you fer a younger version a me. God how KE would always sass me. You, you should be happy that yer parents are still living, Jack." Jack's cries stopped, then he pulled his face up to Ennis's. _I'm getting more like a woman every day, ain't I? _They both shared a heartfelt laugh, which arrived from their inner chambers. "Nah, men can cry too. Just not 'bout stupid shit like asshole fathers." They whispered a laugh, and then shared a fanatical kiss. It washed Jack's tears away, and warmed the lasting cold in their systems. They got to their feet, and Jack headed out of the barn, motioning for Ennis to follow. Ennis's mind wasn't there at the Twist's farm at the moment. He picked his ears, and followed Jack, but he was thinking on the word that Jack was going to say, but he cut himself off. _Love._ That was the word. Ennis felt a pump off air in his chest. He grasped at it, and massaged the spot it hurt at. Jack loved Ennis; it was as simple as that. But did Ennis love Jack?

Jack was leading Ennis to the old family plot near the road. Skinny fencing surrounded it, except at the far end where a gate swung. The plot was lone in the open plain, it was as if the Twist family was trying to ignore it. Ennis crouched to one of the gravestones. Most of the words were too scratched out to read, but there was an epitaph that could be read. He quoted it aloud.

_I'm just a cloud in the wind_

_Singing was my life_

_Amy was my love_

_Beautiful I was_

_Everyone knew_

_Lee loved me_

_Like I cared_

_All I needed was she._

Ennis thought about the meaning of it. The woman's name was Isabella, and she loved- his heart jumped. She was just like him and Jack. This was the last thing he expected to see on a farm ran by John Twist. Ennis turned to Jack, who was checking out another grave. "Hey, um Jack? Who was this woman?" Jack turned and stood up from his crouching position and made his way to Ennis's side. He looked at the epitaph, and then jumped a tad.

"This was my great aunt, Isabella, my mama's sister. I never met her, 'cause she lived sorta far away. I'm thinking my mama had to beg my dad to have her buried here." He swiped his brow, and smiled. Ennis grimaced then pointed at the _Amy was my love_ line.

"Was she….did she like other girls, Jack?" Ennis blushed then looked away from Jack's blue eyes. Jack crossed his arms, and sighed. The smile left his face, replaced by a serious look.

"Well, yes. That's why my mama probably had to beg my dad to have her buried here. She was murdered. I knew that was your next question, Ennis. Murdered up in Oregon; her ashes were shipped up here, I guess, and my mama buried her here. They never did find the murderers." Ennis gawked at the gravestone as if to force it to tell him something. He turned to Jack with a very, scared, and uncertain face. He felt his strength and courage slip away from him.

"Um, Jack…?"

"Yeah, what?"

"H-how long do ya think we'll last?" Ennis looked down, he knew Jack didn't want to hear that, but the words came, and he used them. Jack let his arms drop to his side.

"We'll last as long as we want to," he answered. He was very confident that Ennis didn't believe him. Jack sat down next to Ennis and put his arm on his shoulder. "Besides, were tough, rugged men, if anyone fucked with us we'd just kick their ass, and high tail it. Using my truck as a getaway car." Ennis forced a smile, but then deleted it. _I don't know if I wanna live that way, Jack. _Jack took his arm off Ennis shoulder and stared deeply in his eyes. His own were cheerless, and reddened.

"Ennis, please. I don't know what to say, can't we just-."

"No…no we can't. We ain't ever talked about this in the short day we've been back together," Ennis interrupted. Jack was shocked. He nodded and sat down all the way. Ennis did the same; he was gathering words to use.

The air was warming up, as it approached 1:00. The wind blew often, and Ennis Del Mar was listening to Jack Twist as they sat on Isabella's grave. Ennis would stare at Jack's mouth, then glance at his eyes, and then at his chest; never did his gaze stay at a spot long. "Ennis, what do you want 'xactly? I…want to know you better, Ennis. I feel that you tend ta stay inside yourself too much. Even if this _thing_ doesn't work out, it would be good to know something about your best friend." Ennis smiled, but then grimaced. He remembered what Jack's mother said about Jack's inability to get many friends. He thought how lonely his own childhood had been; he was the exact same way as Jack. Born the same, destined to do the same things.

"Jack you know your-." Ennis stopped and cleared his throat, looked around and started again at a faster pace. "You know your…special ta, uh, me, yeah." He forced his eyes to leave Jack, looking back at the gravestone. Jack just looked on, listening with all ears. "Well, ta be honest, I don' know what I want. We're still young, Jack. We have our whole lives in front of us. I sure the hell don' wanna go back to Alma now. Not after the f-fun we had up on Brokeback and last night on your truck." Ennis smirked; this is the only direction he could think to take it. He was about to go on, but Jack interrupted him.

"Wait, wait a minute. So yer only here for the sex, Ennis? Be fuckin' truthful now. Because I can just take you to Riverton if that's the case." Jack was getting irritated, he sounded very sour. Ennis shook his head, and stared at Jack.

"No, Jack fuckin' Twist, that ain't the only reason I'm here. I toldja that I don' wanna go back to Alma's, ever. I like it here with you, you…." Ennis couldn't find the words. He bit at his fingernail, a frustrated look on his face. Ennis scratched his head, as if to pick the words out and throw them at Jack. He searched for them deep, then smiled when he thought he found them.

"You, your, I'm l-like a puzzle Jack, that ain' all that full a pieces. Yer the extra pieces I need." Ennis sighed, and stared at Jack's eyes. Ennis was hoping that his rather odd analogy would work, and he smiled when Jack opened his mouth to speak.

"Ennis, you know that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said around me?" Jack smiled and wiped is eye. "Jeese here comes the woman outta me again." His voice broke. Ennis rolled his eyes, and put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"You cry enough water to flood a toilet, rodeo." Ennis smiled, and wiped a neglected tear on Jack's face with his thumb. "Come one, lets head back ta the house and see what your mama and dad are up to." Jack nodded and they stood up together. They exited the family plot, and headed to the driveway. As they approached Jack's truck, Jack jumped in and grabbed the scabby watch and looked at it. He brought it to life with a few blows, then read its time aloud. _Its 'bout 1:10. _Jack placed the watch back on the dashboard then closed up the truck. Ennis and him made their way to the door, but Ennis stopped five feet from it.

The wind blew and the cows mooed, and Ennis Del Mar had a question. "Hey, Jack?" He quietly called towards the house. Jack was at the door when he stopped and spun around to Ennis.

"Yes, Ennis?" Jack grabbed the doorknob, ready to enter, but let got of it when Ennis motioned for him to come closer. Jack reluctantly walked to Ennis. They stood face-to-face, breath on breath. Ennis's voice came as a whisper.

"Um, Jack? Your daddy suspected that you…are what you are before today?" Ennis turned red, and shifted his feet on the dirt. Jack smiled.

"Yeah he did. He knows. I don't think he knows about us, but he knows that I'm-the way that I am." Jack smirked faded. "Maybe it's the fact that I'm his son that leaves him from telling the world." Jack sighed, and then turned towards door. Ennis interrupted him again.

"Wait, Jack? What about your mother, d-does she know?" Jack didn't turn this time, he just nodded his head.

"S-she doesn't care. Though she is a very religious woman, I'm blessed that she doesn't act like one. You said so yourself that she cursed. She only curses when she speaks of John. Why they're still married, I might never find out." Jack went into the house and held the door open for Ennis.

The house smelled of soap, and other materials used to clean. The dining table was cleaned off, and John Twist was sitting at it, reading the newspaper. He didn't even wince when they entered, just ignored their presence. Jack nabbed Ennis's elbow to get his attention. Ennis hadn't seen the living room yet. They walked passed John, and entered the hallway where Jack emerged from hours before with two chairs. A door to Ennis's right led to the basement. They passed it and went on till the small hall came to a dead end in a small cozy room. There was a very soft, brown carpet in the room. Jack proclaimed that this was the only room with carpet in it other than his parents' room. Ennis half-listened and half-gawked. On the thick carpet were many different chairs, and even a couch. All looked soft and welcoming. All furniture pointed to the direction of a rugged radio on a table in the middle of the room. Ennis remembered that Anne said it was broke, so he made his way to it.

He played with the buttons, not getting any response. He then saw that the back was missing, revealing many wires, and other tidbits. He put his finger against a wire and played with it. Slowly he got a noise out of the radio. He turned to Jack and smiled, Jack put his hand on his hips in admiration. He toyed with another wire, and got nothing. He then brought the two wires close together and got music. It was some country song that startled Jack and himself. He let go of the wires, killing the noise. He heard thundering above him, and in seconds Anne Twist was next to him with tape. He held the two wires together as she taped them. She smiled a deep smile and touched Ennis's cheek.

"God bless you, Ennis. I know it might not seem as much, but this radio kept me sane for a while. When it broke, I went crazy. I didn't know what to do, and John's the one that broke it, so I was left with nothing." She laughed then played with the buttons till a familiar song hit their ears. Jack's mother gasped, turned the sound up and exited the living room. Jack glanced at Ennis, and Ennis smiled. _She's lively girl, I know where you get your energy. _They both laughed as the voice of Skeeter Davis echoed through the Twist house.

_Why does the sun go on shining?_

_Why does the sea rush to shore?_

_Don't they know it's the end of the world?_

'_Cause you don't love me anymore._

_Why do the birds go on singing?_

_Why do the stars glow above?_

Ennis was swiftly moving to the beat of the song. He felt a cold hand on his own. He turned to face Jack Twist.

"May I have this dance?" Ennis nervously smiled, but before he could voice anything, Jack pulled him in.

_Don't they know it's the end of the world?_

_It ended when I lost your love._

_I wake up every morning and I wonder_

_Why everything is the same as it was…_

They flowed to the melancholic beat. Ennis bit his lip, as Jack laid his head on his chest. "What if your mama or dad walk in, Jack? Mize well write my Will now!" Jack just told him to shut up and listen to the words. Ennis didn't say another word.

_I can't understand, no I can't understand_

_Why life goes on the way it goes._

_Why does my heart go on beating?_

_Why do these eyes of mine cry?_

_Don't they know it's the end of the world?_

_It ended when you said goodbye._

Jack and Ennis moved as one tortured soul. Their feet graced the thick carpet and the radio switched to the next song. Jack quietly laughed in Ennis's ear, and Ennis returned a laugh back. Never had he felt so warm, and loved in his life. He gave out a giant sigh, and moved away from Jack. He put his head down, face full a nervous. Jack frowned and grabbed Ennis's face in his hands. _You did good, babe_.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Notes:**_ Okay the song is END OF THE WORLD by SKEETER DAVIS. It's a classic and I would urge all to get it. I don't own anything, I used this song because its one of my favorites and because it was released in 1963. I love the ending of the chapter._


	7. Discovered

Chapter 7

Discovered

Jack laid on his old bed, looking up at the dark ceiling. The softness under him was about two feet short, but he always slept in a ball, or a crescent. He was thinking about the day that had just passed, he was thinking of Ennis, wondering when that knock on his door would come. He would glance up at it, hoping it would send a noise his way. It never seemed to come. He breathed softly, and wiped his eyes of weariness. _Ennis, ya better hurry up afore I fall sleep. _Jack sat up on the side of the bed and aimlessly stared at the dark room around him. A window supplied some moon light, which illuminated the room in gray sparkles, giving it a mythical essence. Jack yawned and again looked at the door. When no sound came he sighed and put his hands on his face.

The plan was of Jack's mind, of course. Ennis would get up at around 1:00 am, and head to the bathroom. On his way, he would quietly tap Jack's door, giving Jack life to run off to the guest room. Then they would do whatever they damn well pleased, until John Twist got up around 4:30. He would always take a shower before work, and then grab some food for breakfast. Anne Twist got up around 5:00 to make food either for herself or her husband. It was a schedule that Jack knew by heart since his experimenting days as a teenager. Jack rubbed his eyes, and moped. He caressed his back and face, wanting Ennis's rough hands all over him. He went to lie back down, but his foot struck something under the bed. Jack rubbed his foot, and reached down to feel for the item that he had kicked. It was his suitcase of clothes. He gasped, remembering that he didn't tell Ennis of the two shirts yet. Maybe that was for the better. He wanted to take advantage of Ennis's good mood, before possibly spoiling it. Jack put the suitcase back under the bed, then jumped at a soft tap on his door; a smile leaped on his face. He gingerly opened the door with a little squeak. He watched as Ennis entered the bathroom and turned on the light. Jack smiled deeper; he closed his door most of the way, then tiptoed to Ennis's room. The door was open, so he just pranced in and laid on the bed. It was still warm from Ennis, he felt it massage his back, and neck. It was as if Ennis was under him, playing with his hair, and breathing deeply on his breast.

Jack heard the toilet flush, then a light being switched. He froze from rubbing against Ennis's sheets, and watched as Ennis entered the doorway. Ennis was naked from the waist up, and he had only underwear and socks on the lower half. Jack smiled at him, making Ennis quiver and gleam. He slowly closed the guest room door, and made his way to Jack. Ennis bent down and laid the most entrancing kiss on Jack's mouth. The room filled with the sound of their lips smacking together, and the rustling of his sheets. Jack grabbed Ennis's head and kissed back hard, wiggling his head back in forth as if to feed more into it. Ennis put his hand on Jack's thigh, and pulled himself on top of him. He quickly pulled down the underwear he had taken from the closet, and let the head rub against Jack's inner thigh. Jack moaned then grabbed his hemline and ripped off his shirt, slowly and dramatically, of course. He then reached and grabbed Ennis's nipples and worked them. Ennis just breathed erotically, and continue to swallow Jack's saliva. Jack sat up and climbed on Ennis's lap. His legs were rapped around Ennis's body, and his arms were around his neck. Jack kissed and licked every edge of his face, leaving a salty taste in his mouth, and saliva as his tongue touched skin. Ennis poetically ran his fingers over Jack's back, playing with the hair under his armpit. Ennis's hands then went south, and grabbed Jack's crotch. Jack moaned too loudly, but didn't care. He quivered under the aggressive touch on the sensitive area. Jack fell off Ennis and quickly worked on getting his jeans off. He tore them from him like a beast, and then Ennis jumped on him. He wanted to look at Jack this time. Ennis grabbed Jack's strong legs, and pulled them up around his head. He rubbed his fingers softly on Jack's pulsating chest, then made his way down to Jack's ass. He felt around, then found the answer. First one finger, he twirled it around and smiled at the look on Jack's face. He was clinching his teeth and his eyes. Ennis added another finger in Jack. He moaned softly, massaging his belly.

"Ennis, I noticed you didn' wash your hands," Jack said passionately. He then reached and grabbed Ennis's unoccupied hand and stuck the fingers in his mouth. He gave them a little nibble, but then sucked on them. He felt Ennis tremble; good, that's what he wanted. Ennis rolled his eyes back, and continued to deepen his path into Jack. The wet and tight around his fingers tingled him, everywhere. He pulled the fingers out, licked them, and then pierced Jack. Jack's muscles all tightened, so did his face and eyes. He removed Ennis's fingers from his mouth, and placed them on his dick. Ennis went at it, pushing and shoving, and sweating with Jack. He bent in and kissed Jack's shaky lips, and smiled, as Jack's eyes got big. Ennis pumped into him harder and harder. Jack didn't know how to re frame from yelling at the top of his voice. His eyes rolled back, as Ennis was now virtually standing over him, filling him up with cock. He felt the warm tender leave and enter him over and over, sending a choir of pain and pleasure grunts from Ennis. Jack felt Ennis losing power, and he couldn't buck in this position, so he just prayed that he made it all the way.

"Come, baby, come on," Jack whispered breathlessly. Ennis came right at his words. Ennis moaned, he wiped sweat of his face and put it on Jack's stomach. He then fell right on Jack without warning. His legs still rapped around Ennis's body, Jack fell asleep without much persuasion.

A night without terror for Ennis; a night without sorrow for Jack. They slept as one. The two souls warmed the room, and connected in many ways that people usually don't. Ennis was deep in sleep, but still managed to twirl Jack's hair with his finger. Jack had stirred several times, massaged Ennis's back and kissed his head, which was planted to his neck. He was sure someone would find them entangled and murder them while they slept, but that's not he was worried about. Being around Ennis, being held in his arms brought back the words he said at the family plot_. I don't know if I wanna live that way, Jack. _Jack patted Ennis's head, and whispered to him as if he was awake. "Why do you do this to me, Ennis Del Mar? Do ya wanna stay or do ya wanna go?" Ennis didn't move but tiredly responded.

"_I wanna stay, Jack. Now shut the fuck up_." Jack laughed, his stomach shook and that woke Ennis even more. Ennis shifted, and pulled himself off of Jack, and fell by his side. He pushed himself up with his elbow so he could look Jack in the face. Jack smiled, but Ennis jokingly grimaced.

"Ennis, I'm dumbfounded. I can't believe how much you have changed from the time that we first met, " Jack began. "When I met you, you wouldn't even make eye contact. I can't lie, I felt sorry for you. You reminded me of a little puppy I used to have. His name was Tiger. Now Tiger was always sad, he never wanted to play, but I loved him a bunch. One day, daddy was backing up in the driveway, and here came Tiger. He crushed him, nearly in half. A course my dad blamed it on the dog, saying he had a death wish." Jack laughed then sighed. "I don't blame Tiger one bit. Sometimes you're so sad, that you have no other way out. That's why I think he ran behind the truck." Ennis looked at Jack's serious eyes, but couldn't hold back a smile. Ennis burst into a girlish giggle, that he didn't stop even after Jack side-chopped his chest.

"I don' think yer puppy knew any better, Jack. I never heard of no animal having a death wish." Jack rolled his eyes; he had to agree to that. Jack then poked Ennis's bare chest with his finger.

"What about you, do I remind you of any animal you have ever had?" Jack said innocently. He blinked his majestic eyes at Ennis, and leaned in to his mumbling. _Yeah…once I had a horse, and he gave me a good ride, like you! _Ennis burst into a jolly laughter, but Jack grimaced. "There you go again always putting me down like that." Ennis frowned as Jack turned to face the other way. Ennis softly put his hand on his shoulder, and gave it a small shake.

"Come on, I was jus' teasing," Ennis said terminally. Jack didn't turn, but he let out a big breath and opened his mouth to speak.

"I know, but ya remind me of my dad when you do that. I feel like yer putting me down. Saying that I'm only worth a good fuckin', then I'm trash. That's how my dad is. He always treated me like that." Jack's voice was not cold, but very fragile, like it could break any minute. Ennis pulled himself to Jack's back and kissed his neck.

"I don' think that 'bout you, Jack." He paused and gathered his words, talking to Jack's neck now like it was a microphone. "I don' think that at all. I think I like yer smile." Ennis chuckled and so did Jack. _What else do you like about me, other than my riding skill? _Another pause, and Ennis laid back. "Um…I like the way you…you f-finish me. I like the way you make me happy. I like the way you…_look_ at me. I like the way you-."

"Okay stop Ennis, before you blow a screw in yer head from talkin' too much." Jack turned to him and smiled a melancholic smile. "We're jus' two of a kind. And I'm not lying when I say that I've never been closer to anyone in my life." Jack watched Ennis, who gave a face that spelled out _ditto. _Ennis went to say how it was the same for him, but he couldn't find the words. His face contorted, but Jack shushed him anyway. "Lets go back to sleep." Yawn. "Maybe I should sleep in my room, jus' in case." Ennis looked up at him, and scowled. _No, you s-shouldn't, Jack. I want you in here with me tonight. _Ennis sent Jack a quick smile, then kissed his mouth. Jack nodded. "Okay, I'll sleep in here tonight, but you can't blame me if someone walks in on us." Ennis froze, he hadn't thought about that.

"Shit, maybe you ought to sleep in your-." Ennis stopped when Jack raised his hand. _No its too late you're stuck with me._ Jack smiled and covered himself with Ennis's arms. _Tonight you'll be my blanket. _There they slept. Jack on his back with Ennis pulled over him, nude. The house was quiet, not even a breath of air could be heard. The breathing of Jack was softly rocking Ennis up and down, and Ennis's body was warming Jack. They had a good hour before John woke up.

The first thing Ennis heard was the guest room door being opened. He was shot with an arrow of terror. He shot up in a sitting position to stare at Anne Twist in the doorway. She stood there with a saddened look on her face. Ennis covered himself with his hands till he found his underwear on the floor. He threw them on, and stood up. "I-I'm s-sorry ma'am." His face was white as a picket fence, he shook so much that he moved the bed. She sighed and went over to Jack and pulled a blanket over his exposed parts. "No, I'm sorry." Ennis couldn't believe what he was hearing; he shook his head as if it was a dream. He sat next to Jack on the bed. He felt something lurching in his stomach. Anne saw this; she placed a hand on his shoulder, and in a very calm voice said _Its alright, its alright. _Ennis felt all the strength leave him. Was this the end of him and Jack? He took in air fast and long. Anne rubbed his bare shoulder and told him to get dressed.

Ennis listened. He walked over to the closet, grabbed a shirt, and a pair of pants. She was rushing him with no words. Anne got Jack up, and when he saw her face, and not Ennis's he jumped. She told him to quickly get dressed too. Anne left as Jack took the blanket off, and gathered clothes. Ennis and Jack got dressed wordlessly, they knew something was wrong, but it couldn't be discussed at the moment. Jack's mother entered the room a minute later, and grabbed the two men by the shoulders. She leaned in on them and started to explain with a scared, wrecked voice.

"Its about 6:30 now. John d-doesn't work today, and he went to get you, Jack, up earlier to help him with the early chores, he usually does by himself. Well you weren't in your room so he went to this door and saw all that he didn't want to believe." She drew a long breath and looked away from their faces. "Never had I heard him curse so much. He told me to have you two out of the house before he comes back from working, or else, or else… he'll get a group of friends together. I just now got the strength to do it. He'll be back within hour, I think you guys should get ready, 'kay?" Her voice was sweet; as long as her son was happy she was too. Jack hugged her hard. Ennis was still scared as hell, how he had faced similar horrors as a child.

Jack's mother pulled him in a close embrace. He felt her uneasiness leave her body and enter his. He trembled a kiss on her cheek. Jack was in the shower, and Ennis and Anne were in the dining room. Ennis had brought both cases of clothes down, and placed them by the front door. He didn't say a word. He sat at the lone table looking into nothingness. Jack finally got out of shower five minutes later. He didn't even dry off all the way. He didn't want to be present when his dad came home.

"Here dear take some money," Anne said, handing a wade of dollar bills to Ennis. Ennis grimaced at her full hand, and backed away from it as if it would attack. _I can't ma'am. I won' feel right._ She sighed and handed the money to Jack instead. "Be careful, both of you. I'm sorry how this was so short lived. Barely here for twenty-four hours, and you have to leave already." Anne embraced them in the dining room, and gave them both a wet kiss on the cheek. She finally let go of Jack, but not Ennis. She looked him straight in the eye, serious as a heart attack. Jack was grabbing his suitcase, out of earshot.

"Listen to me Ennis. Please take care of Jack. He's my only boy. And one more thing; I don't agree with what you guys are, but Jack's my son, and you make him happy. Right when I saw you two together, I knew. I smelled it in the air, and felt it in your voice. Please try to by more convincing, or you'll be in a whole heap a trouble." She let go of Ennis, and he nearly fell down. He nodded his head, than placed his cowboy hat on it. Ennis and Jack quickly grabbed their clothes and walked to the door right as it opened by itself. John Twist stood in the doorway. Jack nearly had a heart attack; he leaped back when the eyes searched the room

He stared at them with fire. His face was ice, and he breathed slowly, not showing any sign of weakness. His stare burnt like acid on Jack. Jack couldn't control himself; a fat tear fell down his check. He then pushed past his father and hastily walked to his truck. John moved for Ennis to get passed. Ennis looked down in embarrassment. He felt the hatred thrown at him with that devil's stare. He passed without a word, not making a sound. John followed him outside, always leaving about ten feet distance. Ennis saw that Jack was in the truck smoking a cigarette already. Ennis went to the passenger door and opened it. He was about to throw himself in when he solidified. His hand on the door, his pack on the seat, his head gazing down, his cowboy hat sliding off.

"Faggot." John had almost whispered the word. He stared at Ennis's back, expecting a fight. Ennis blinked his eyes and started to hyperventilate. He threw himself into the truck, and closed the door. Jack was silently bawling, but Ennis stayed quiet. His face was emotionless. Jack turned the ignition, and backed the truck out of the driveway. He almost wished he had rammed into John's truck, but they needed his own to live now. Back on the road, Ennis didn't even look as the Twist farm left their side. They headed in the opposite direction then they had arrived from. No words were spoken for the first twenty minutes. Ennis finally got his hands on a cigarette; he puffed it like it gave him energy. The warm helped burn the nasty word away. Jack broke the silence after he tossed his butt out the window.

"I told you he was a prick." Ennis thought he sounded a little more stable than before. "I knew I shouldn't have slept with you in the guest room." Jack sighed and grabbed the last cigarette, lit it and chugged. "I'm not blaming you, Ennis, its no one's fault, but I don't know. That look he gave me was awful, like I just walked out of the sewer, or I was some animal." Jack glanced at Ennis's blank expression, "Are you okay friend?" Ennis puffed out smoke and nodded.

"Yeah, I think. T-that word hurts a lot don' it?" Jack snickered. _You have no idea_. Ennis forced himself to half-smile. He tossed his half-finished cigarette out the window, and looked at the clouds above. "Its gonna rain, fer sure." Jack nodded and went on with conversation.

"Ennis, do you every miss your parents?" Ennis jumped. He looked right into Jack's eyes; he felt the stinging in his own and in his chest. The first one fell slowly, and didn't hurt all that much. Ennis cleared his throat, and wiped his eyes.

"Yeah, I do. 'specially my mama, she was a nice gal. Never did care too much fer my dad, though. He was like your dad, but more open with his prejudices." Jack frowned and turned right as Ennis wiped a tear.

"Ennis, is everythin' okay?" Ennis shook his head. _Yeah, its jus'…my parents were good people. Even my dad, I jus' wished his was a better dad. Gosh, I am the way I am because of that sumabitch._ Ennis blushed and turned to Jack. _Where are we goin'?_


	8. Arriving at the Bates Motel

Chapter 8

Arriving at the Bates Motel

Jack let the tears fall. He didn't care if Ennis saw them or even if his father did. He lit a cigarette and noiselessly bawled. He watched as Ennis opened the passenger door then froze in his place. _Faggot. _That's what Jack's father had said. Jack wasn't all too surprised either. He just rolled his eyes and puffed on the cigarette, waiting for Ennis to jump in. When he did, Jack drenched him from head to toes with his eyes. That simple word seemed to eliminate any progress he had made with Ennis. Jack quickly rolled the car out of the Twist property and went off towards the unknown.

They talked little, but when they did Ennis spoke mainly of his parents, since Jack had asked him if he thought of them much. It was a sore subject for Ennis, every word came out with tears. Jack took the last cigarette and drained it of its warm. He knew he would need another one, so he kept a look out for a store. The road was quiet, and lonely. Ennis wasn't up to talking any more after he asked where they were going. Jack was stunned and told him anywhere would do. It was only 7:30; they arrived at Alzada, Wyoming and stopped at a gas station. Jack threw twenty bucks at Ennis, and told him to pump the gas, and go get some cigarettes. _Sorry friend, I ain't up to it. _Ennis rolled his eyes and reluctantly took the money, and pumped the gas. _Jack fuckin' Twist_. The air all around was still and hot, but thank god they had a roof over the gas station, so the heat couldn't corrupt them. Ennis walked to the store as fast as he could. As he made his way, Jack stared at his posture. His head bent down, his ass clenched and his fists squeezing the life out of the dollar bills. Jack couldn't help but to give a small sad laugh. He still felt sorry for Ennis. He had never seen a man that couldn't talk for hours; and Jack had seen many men.

Ennis swiftly opened the door of the store and walked in. He went straight to the counter, and was met with a young pretty girl. She was his age, with long blonde hair up in a ponytail, and full red lips that reminded Ennis of the ones he kissed last night. Before he could register he felt a soft tap on his shoulder. He jumped around as if someone fired a gun. It was an old lady behind him. She was nearly half his height and her eyes twitched under large glasses. "Excuse me, dear, but you cut in line." Ennis felt the blood run into his face. He held his breath and wordlessly stepped out of line and allowed the woman to pass. He bit a nail, and tried not to panic. _It was jus' a mistake, god anyone could miss that old bitch._ He looked out through the glass doors and saw Jack sitting in his truck, staring aimlessly ahead of him. Ennis forced a smile and waited as the old woman bought some lottery tickets. She limped passed him and winked. He finally got to the counter, having no trouble staring the pretty cashier in the face. She wasn't looking at him though. She was leaning over the counter and looking out of the glass door at Jack in his truck. She smiled, and then pulled herself back. _He's cute._ Ennis grimaced, but acted politely enough.

"Uh…gas, pump one. And, and can I get some cigarettes?" His voice was shaky, either with anger or with anxiety. He twiddled with the bills in his hand and shifted his weight. The cashier smiled deeper. _Sure, what kind of cigarettes do ya want?_ Ennis frowned again, and looked at the array of packs behind her. The packs with green and red on them stood out the most.

"I'll take two green packs and a red one." He bent his head down now. He didn't know the name of the different kinds. He never gave it much thought, just smoked them and loved it. The girl giggled and grabbed the three packs off the shelf. She was admiring Ennis's tenderness, and edgy appearance. She rang the total up and was giving Ennis the change, when she leaned in close to him.

"You look real nervous," she began in a whisper. "Try these, they'll help." She reached under the counter and withdrew a bag with many pills inside. Ennis almost gasped, but took them and the change. He mouthed the words thank you; his throat was too clenched to actually say the words. Well, there was a first time for everything. Ennis hid the pills in his pants pocket as he reached the truck. He jumped in and threw the two green packs at Jack, and opened the red one himself. Thank the lord his cigarettes were the _good_ kind. Jack thanked him and said maybe later he'll thank him even more. Ennis smiled and kicked his boots off in the truck. He meant to sleep, but just found himself resting. They were on the road again, heading out of Wyoming, not wanting to even consider going back to relive what they just encountered. Ennis put his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun coming in through the window. He thought of the young girl in the store, and of the pills she gave him.

He was trying to make himself feel attracted to her. He wanted to get hard thinking about her big breasts and her cleavage, which he saw perfectly when she was leaning over the counter. He wanted to think of fucking her, but he couldn't. Thinking about her naked body and inner passions didn't arouse him. He sighed a sigh of shock; he always knew the truth, but would never admit it to anyone. He was so caught up in his own lies that he thought Alma was hot when they first met. He thought about her now, and didn't seem too fond of her looks. _She would look good in pink, though._ He had to chuckle at that, Jack was turning him into a woman. Jack's voice woke him.

"What's so god damn funny?" Ennis sat himself up and rubbed his eyes._ Nothin'', jus' thinking._ Jack gasped sarcastically, and turned to stare at Ennis. "O god help me please, Ennis Del Mar was actually thinking." Ennis turned deep red in the face, and turned to look the other way. _Fuck you, Jack._ Jack gave a feminine pout. "Come on Ennis, I was just fuckin' with-." He stopped, remembering that his father had said the same thing the day before. "I'm sorry, Ennis, I won't insult your intelligence again." Jack laughed and so did Ennis. He turned back to face Jack, and grinned. Ennis looked at Jack's pure face and smiled knowing it was all his and only his. His attraction for him was lust with a twist. He didn't know if he could say that he loved everything about Jack, but he would express it by giving Jack a full body rubdown. He wouldn't say he loved being inside Jack, but he would pierce him and go all out until he came like a geyser.

Ennis slouched down again and covered his eyes with his arm. He moved several times, trying to find a good position. He finally gave up when he couldn't drift off, and stretched. He stretched so far his hand smacked Jack's arm. _Sorry._ Ennis sounded like a little boy. He turned red, and scooted closer to Jack. Their waists were touching, and Jack felt a rush of adrenaline. "What's on yer mind, cowboy?" Ennis softly kissed Jack's neck and massaged his leg. _You are. _Jack gasped, he breathed in and out quickly. He frantically searched for a side road with no cars. "Let me pull over." Jack started to turn the truck down a side road, when Ennis told him to just keep going. Jack reluctantly listened and continued to drive on the stretch of road that seemed to last forever.

"I couldn't seem to fall asleep, Jack." Ennis began. His face was inches away from Jack's and he breathed deeply so Jack could feel him. "I was thinking of just laying my head…." Ennis leaned down and put his head on Jack's thigh. "Right here, if you don't mind?" Jack told him it was no problem, so Ennis became at home there. Ennis felt Jack's nervousness from the shaking of his thigh. It was a very comfortable pillow. He closed his eyes and soon fell into a deep sleep. He did not dream or wake till Jack unwillingly shook him.

When he opened his eyes, he was met with Jack looking down at him. He loved waking up to those eyes. The way they sparkled and pitied. Jack sent him a smile, and Ennis grabbed it, embraced it and pushed it to his heart. It was still very bright out. Jack told him they were in Rapid City, South Dakota. Ennis was glad to know that they were so far away from Riverton and Lightning Flats. He let out a sigh of surprise and liking when they exited the truck. In front of him was a motel. _The Bates Motel. _Jack laughed at the title and said he wouldn't be taking a shower here. Ennis had no idea what he was talking about. They made their way to the manager desk in room number 1. At the door Ennis stopped and told Jack he'll wait in the truck.

"But you walked all the way to the door just to say that?" Ennis scratched his back and squinted his eyes from the deep sun.

"I didn' want to see ya walk the path alone." Jack smiled and told him to go. Jack opened the door and walked into the small office. The room was filled with rotating fans and papers stamped to boards. The papers were danced when the fans touched them. The desk was full of papers and other assortments. Behind the disk was a fat guy, with a sweaty face, and a balding top. He gave Jack a funny look, almost a one eyed stare. He cleared his throat.

"W-what can I help you with?" Jack looked at the man's face and half-smiled.

"I would like to rent a room, one that's far away from this office. We-I like the privacy." Jack rocked back on his heels. He was longing to get Ennis in a room and make him scream for mercy. The guy just stared at him, then leaned back in his chair.

"You alone, or are there more?" Jack thought for a moment and how irrelevant that question was. He built up the courage and wiped his brow.

"I don't see how that's important." Jack's face trembled; that must of made him sound obvious. The guy's expression didn't change.

"I was just wondering. Okay, how many days do ya plan on stayin'?"

"Well, is there a food place nearby?"

"Yeah 'bout a mile down the road there's a bar and a diner. I go there all the time." Jack grimaced at the thought of seeing the guy at a bar.

"Okay, I'll reckon three days we'll be here. Don' I have to sign something?" The fat man barked and grabbed a thick book off the floor by his chair. He threw it on the desk and turned to a page marked by a bookmark. _Sign in the first empty line, and put the date. _Jack nodded and looked for the first space. When he found it, he looked at the last date in the book. He read it across._ Jamie Perkins……… 4/13/63. _Jack signed the line with a well thought out pseudo name. _Jack Del Mar………7/20/63._ He smiled at his 'marriage' to Ennis. And handed the book to the manager. He looked at the name._ Okay Mr. Del Mar, you'll be in room 17, 'kay?_ Jack chuckled, _okay. _He was given a key, and also the name of the manager, _Anthony Curtis_. Jack obliged him and sent out to room 17. What a walk it was, and Jack would of sneaked Ennis in at night if he knew Anthony Curtis was watching him get out of the truck and join him.

Jack unlocked the door as Ennis was getting the clothes. Finally Jack outsmarted the door, and pushed it open. The room was cool, and a small square shape. It had pink wallpaper, and one huge queen-sized bed; heaven. Jack ran and swan dived onto the bed. He hit it and bounced right off. He was laying on the floor in pain when Ennis came in with the two cases. "Wha' happened to you?" Ennis sat the clothes on the floor and closed the door behind him. He walked over to Jack on the floor holding his leg and laughing. Through many tears and guffaws of joy, Jack gave an explanation.

"I, was, testing, out the, bed, and I bounced off it and fell on the floor!" He gave a really loud laugh. And Ennis annoyingly extended his hand to help him up. Jack grabbed his hand and pulled himself off his ass. He laughed more and flopped on the bed. He made ripples through the sheets, like a rock dropped in a puddle. Ennis gingerly sat down next to him and threw his boots near the door. He then ripped off Jack's cowboy boots and tossed them near the door.

"This is a nice place they got here," Ennis said, tossing his hat at a table near the bathroom door. "Didja check out the bathroom?" Jack shook his head, and Ennis got up to see. He opened the pale door and stepped in. He returned a second later and opened the door wider for Jack could get a better look inside. "It's nice!" Jack laughed at Ennis's low satisfaction level. Ennis closed the bathroom door and made his way to Jack. He was at the foot of the bed; slowly he placed one knee on one side of Jack and the other on the opposing side. He walked on his knees up Jack till he lost his balance and fell on him. They shared and laugh, then a kiss, then a stare.

"How many days didja pay for?"

"Three."

"Three days?"

"Yep you got it, Ennis."

"What the fuck are we to do here for three days?"

"Manager said there's a bar and a diner 'bout a mile down the road." Ennis shuffled uneasy. He got off Jack and fell beside him.

"Does he know?"

"Know what?"

"Come one Jack don' be stupid-sorry-does he know about us?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Good, good."

"He was a fat guy anyway what's he gonna do?"

"He could kill us and eat us."

"I think I would taste good with barbecue sauce."

"Jack, you taste good anyway." Ennis kissed Jack's bicep and smiled. "Lets go to the bar."

They locked the room. Ennis left the pills under the pillow, and he left without his cowboy hat, first time in years. Jack lit a cigarette, and listened to Ennis go on about growing up with KE Del Mar.

"He was always getting' me into trouble. I think…he hated me because mama favored me. She had to, kids were always pickin' on me, and she had to keep me close at all times. Once she left me to play with some other kids my age in a playground. Well when she came back, I guess I was on the floor of a slide, knocked unconscious." Ennis breathed in a sigh, and then continued. "She never let me outta her sight again, she blamed herself, of course. KE told me earlier this year, mama tried to kill herself several times. T-that ain't right." Ennis paused, but didn't regain enough footing to finish the story.

Jack turned to him and smiled. "What does KE stand for?" Ennis smirked. _It stands for Karl El. He use to give me a good lickin' when I called him Carol._ Ennis chuckled and threw a butt out the window. They must have been close to the bar. Trees mostly surrounded the area, and no houses existed along the road. They finally got to the bar, a shabby looking place. Next to the bar, sure enough was a diner. Casey's Joint it was called. The bar was nameless and packed. Jack had to park the truck in front of the diner. They made the short walk; they had to act like nothing more than drinking buddies.

The music was loud, but the voices were louder. Ennis seemed to fit right in with the fighting and the stripping of clothes. Jack on the other hand let Ennis do the talking. They sat a stool away from each other; that was far enough. They ordered several beers, chugging them down like no tomorrow. Not once did anyone bother them. They didn't talk a lot, much to Jack's liking. The only person that talked to them was the bartender. A middle-aged woman with curly red hair and a smile like a piece of pie. She told Ennis her name was Marla Johnson; Jack knew she fancied him. Her voice had a rich southern accent. Jack swore it was fake.

"I just want to kiss every part of your beautiful face, Ennis." She said. She reached out and pinched Ennis's cheek. He laughed and turned to Jack to get a reaction. He was met with a grimace, and jealously. Jack turned on his stool and crossed his arms; staring at the dancers on the dance floor. "Are you new to this part of Rapid City? I've never seen you two before, and I think I'd remember you, for sure." Ennis shook his head. _No, we're from Wyomin'_. He took a deep chug of beer, Marla pushed the bottle up, so Ennis couldn't stop till he chugged it all down. He laughed and sent a look to Jack, who wasn't paying attention. Ennis's heart fell, and he slammed the bottle against the counter. Marla reached out and grabbed Ennis's arm and worshiped his muscle.

"You have a strong arm, I bet you spent many nights 'workin'' with it." Ennis shrugged and turned rose red. 'Why don't you tell yer little friend to go home, and I take you back to my place?" Jack shifted uncomfortably in his stool._ Go ahead, tell her no, Ennis. Come on, she's a tramp!_ Ennis frowned. He sat up and his voice gave Jack spirit.

"Nah, sorry. I don' do anything without my buddy, Jack." Marla glared. _Well, both of you can come with me to my place, have a threesome._" She smiled, showing her pearly whites. Ennis sent her a nervous half-smile. He took a glance at Jack's scared face.

" No, Jack doesn't like women." With that Ennis grabbed Jack's arm pulled him to his feet and they ran out of the bar together, laughing like lightning and fire. They jumped into Jack's truck and continued to cackle. It was night outside, and the stars would guide them anywhere.

"Oh god, Ennis. That was too much. I can't believe you of all people would say that." Jack broke into another laughter, and so did Ennis. "I'm so piss drunk right now. Thank the lord the motel is only a mile away." Ennis agreed and lit a cigarette with Jack's lighter. "But, Ennis? Were you interested in her?" Ennis felt the happiness leave him. He put his head down.

"She was awful pretty…but no, I had no desire to…ya know." Jack grinned and turned the engine. _Good, I was afraid I would have to jack off in the shower tonight. _Ennis smiled then went into a quiet spell. No more words were spoken until they got to the motel. They lazily made their way to the room. Weather from laughing too hard, or drinking too much, they were falling all over the place. Jack fell face first onto the concrete sidewalk and busted his lip open. Ennis saw it and immediately stopped laughing. He grabbed Jack's face and licked the wet blood off. He got the blood on his tongue, and then swallowed it. He sucked at the wound till no more blood came.

"I guess this means we're blood brothers now, huh?" Jack nodded and unlocked the door with much difficulty. He threw himself down face first on the bed and almost fell asleep. Ennis climbed on his back and rubbed his shoulders._ How does this feel?_ "It feels too good, Ennis. Don't stop…." Ennis rubbed Jack's shoulders hard. He wanted Jack's sadness to go away forever, he hated seeing him cry, and he hated seeing his eyes droop. Ennis was exorcising the hate and work from Jack. He wanted to be the one that made Jack happy. Ennis soon felt extremely tired; he collapsed on Jack.

He felt Jack breathing under him. He got up several times to make sure he wasn't suffocating his friend. They laid like this for hours and hours. All the care gone and not a sound except the noise of the clock ticking and the breathing of the other.

At about 12:30, Jack slowly got up and made his way to the bathroom. He thought he had accomplished it without waking Ennis up: wrong. Ennis held his head, he had a bad hangover. He didn't want Jack to see him like this. He reached under the pillow, and his hand grasped the paper bag. There's a first time for everything.


	9. Tearing

**Author's notes**: _The last two chapters were hectic, and I apologize for that. I will be writing more in depth, and I got to say this chapter might be the saddest, and most painful for some readers. Just thought a little warning was due. Thanks for reading!_

Chapter 9

Tearing

The sex was great. Jack sat on Ennis and moved his hips back and forth, trying to wring it for what it was worth. Ennis laid still under Jack's body, caressing his lover's nipples and belly button. He moaned quietly and would look up at Jack to see any sign of pain on his face. Jack's eyes were closed, and his mouth agate. He groaned slowly, and moved slower. The heat corrupted their flesh, their lips and their being. Grunts and the smacking of Jack's ass hitting Ennis's thighs were the only noises. Ennis rolled his eyes back and rubbed Jack's stomach, getting the warmth and sending it to his thighs. Jack bent down for a kiss. "Sure baby." Ennis said like he had to answer Jack. They softly melted into each other. Ennis let his fingertips softly engrave Jack's abs, tracing the lines. Jack grabbed his cock and began to grope it, up and down. Ennis watch in admiration as Jack worked it, and his own. Ennis whined delicately, and grabbed Jack's working hand. "I can help you with that." Jack stopped working and stared at Ennis stunned and excited. Ennis quietly grabbed Jack by the shoulders and took him off him. He laid Jack on his back and kissed his chest. Jack was watching Ennis go lower, and lower, not knowing what to expect; Ennis never wrung Jack out, it was always vice versa.

Ennis went down, covering Jack's skin with kisses all the way. He finally got to the shaft and without a second thought, swallowed it. "O-o-o-o god," Jack cooed nervously. He bit his fist, and looked down at Ennis swallowing and regurgitating. Ennis scraped his nails against Jack's chest, leaving mighty scratches, and silky blood. Ennis found the taste awarding, he would hardly let his mouth leave Jack's cock, and if he did it was to breathe. Jack was twisting his body, grabbing the sheets and feeling the blood boiling. He laid his head back against the pillows as Ennis worked even faster. "O-o-o-o Jesus, god, heaven of hell. Ennis we, should, of done, this sooner." Ennis took a short breathe from craving and looked at Jack's pleasured face. _I love, you Jack, and I plan on doing this every second of my life. _The drugs were working mighty fine. Ennis said the unspeakable without stalling at all; so unlike him. Jack looked at Ennis's face and was about to make a comment or perhaps give love back, but Ennis's tongue hit his balls; stopping him from speaking for the rest of the night.

Jack yelled and his muscles tightened. He erupted on Ennis's face, splashing his lips and his eyes. Ennis licked the warm, thick liquid, and even swallowed some. His face was happy, happy for making Jack happy. Ennis slowly, and nonthreatening climbed the bed and flopped down next to Jack's almost lifeless body. He was shocked of what had just happened; shocked of the pleasure he seemed depraved of. Ennis grabbed his own pole and started to delight himself. Jack came to and went to help, but Ennis pushed his hands away. "No, I know you don' wanna help." Jack laid back down wordlessly; Ennis was right, but it was unlike Ennis to see the obvious. Ennis went at it faster; sweating like a man in hell. He felt it rising and running to the top. He released, covering the whole bed in his sweat juice. Ennis didn't make a sound. He turned to Jack's prying eye and kissed his forehead. "I fucking love you, Jack." Ennis then breathlessly fell back and fell to sleep. Jack felt the warm pierce his heart, and swallow his pride.

The clock on the wall above the bed struck 3:30 am. Jack was still awake thinking about Ennis, and what he had said, and what he meant by it. Knowing Ennis, Jack took the words half-heartily. He puffed on his cig and tried to ignore the fact that the words might not be true. He wanted them to stoke him, and make him feel like he did the second time he and Ennis fucked; special. He smiled thinking about Ennis's edginess as he walked to the tent. He remembered the fire being bright and illuminating. He remembered feeling wanted, he remembered Ennis's calls for help, when he rubbed his arms, trying to get warmed. A tear came into Jack's eye; he didn't like that Ennis. The Ennis that seemed too weak and vulnerable. He put out the butt with his fingers and tossed it in a trash bin beside the bed. He sighed and looked over at the sleeping Ennis. Never had he looked so peaceful. But Ennis rolled over quickly, like he waited for Jack to see it. Jack rolled his eyes and grabbed Ennis's arm and softly pulled it over him. He was reliving their first time; only this time he knew the love was there.

"_I love you, Jack,"_ Ennis whispered tiredly onto Jack's neck. Jack broke down, and was thankful that he was facing the other way. He let the tears fall, and with the sound of a man that just won the world, and had tears of joy, he said _I love you too, Ennis._

The darkness outside broke and a new day has arrived. The sun came slow, and with it many clouds. The forecast read rain, and a high chance of severe thunderstorms throughout the day. Although outside it was tragic and gloomy, inside with Jack being covered by Ennis was soft and lovely…for now. Jack stirred under Ennis's arm and purposely stretched so his arm barely graced Ennis's face. Ennis gave a little jump, but stayed asleep. Jack wiped his eyes and grimaced. He started to diligently pull Ennis's thick arm off of him. He slowly got to his feet and placed Ennis's arm on the bed. Ennis still didn't stir. _Too much to drink, I guess. _Jack stretched working his muscles out. He placed his cowboy hat on his head, the only clothing he wore at the moment. He jokingly danced to the bathroom and looked at his beautiful face in the mirror. Never had he looked better. Those blue eyes were swelling with love, and gleam that seemed to light the whole bathroom, even without the light on. Jack smiled and flexed his muscles and posed in front of the reflecting glass, then shrugged bashfully. He admired his own embarrassed smile and told himself that he was the luckiest fuck in the entire world. Not only because he had the beautiful body, but also because he had someone that cared on his bed, someone that would never leave him, and someone who would never full-heartily call him foul names. He had Ennis, and that was worth everything. This was a special day for him, he was breathing in new air and was fixing on running to the diner for breakfast to bring back to Ennis.

Jack found a small pad and a pen on the table, and wrote Ennis a quick note.

_Ennis don't bust a nut_

_Ran to diner for some food_

_Love Jack_

He admired his neat handwriting and the fact that he could write _love Jack_ anywhere. He wanted to add more, but stopped himself. He placed the note on the bed next to Ennis's face. He gave both the note and Ennis a quick kiss, than jumped into his jeans and a shirt. He slowly exited the room and closed the door. He didn't take the room key this time. As he walked to his truck, he saw two teenage boys standing near room 10 talking to a happy Anthony Curtis. He tipped his hat and gave them a _good mornin'_. He then went on to his truck and entered it, not looking back. Before he inserted the key and turned the ignition, he looked up out the front window and watched the sky. "God damn, it has ta rain on this day, of all days." He chuckled some and reached into his pocket for his smokes. He had forgotten them, but laughed anyway. He didn't need the cigs to make him all warm and undefeated. As he drove out of the little lot of the motel, Anthony Curtis and his teenage friends glared at Jack's truck and shook their heads either in desire or in disgust, one could not tell.

Jack whistled to himself all the short way to the diner. He was so exited to be the one that got the food for once. He was so full of life and energy that he seemed to float to the diner's door, and enter it. The smell of sweet pancakes, and coffee reached him. The aroma was enough to kill an insomniac. He approached a long counter that filled half the room. He stood at the farthest cash register and smiled at the face that looked at him. It was the face of a good-looking young gal with brilliant green eyes, and beautiful white teeth. She smiled big at him, and he couldn't help but smile back. She joyfully threw her thick brown hair back and asked for Jack's order.

"I'll take two coffees and two pancakes, please."

"M'kay…is that all for you today?"

"Yes. Sure is ma'am." Jack smiled and the young girl laughed. She told him the total, and he paid, giving her a five-dollar tip that she reluctantly accepted.

"Okay just have a seat and your order will be done in jus' a short while." Jack grimaced.

"Uhh, is there a way that I can get this order to go?" The girl smiled and spoke unsure.

"I think you might be able to. We don't have many people that take the food to leave, usually they eat the food here, right here in my eyesight." She nervously smiled wider. She reached under the counter and grabbed two paper holders for the pancakes and a drink holder for the coffees. The girl than put many sugar, and cream packets on the holder and pushed it to him. "Can you please just sit down while I get it ready, even if you won't eat here?" Jack looked at her in pity, and remembered what it was like not having anyone his age around. He nodded and sat at the counter on a wobbling stool. He tapped his hands on the counter as the girl made his food; she was trying to make conversation.

"So…you live around here?" Jack looked up at her.

"Nah, but I'll be in the area for about two more days, hopefully." She frowned, her back to Jack so he couldn't see. She poured coffee into two Styrofoam cups and placed a lid on both. She took them to the holders and fit them in with some difficulty. She then boldly raised her hand to Jack and told him her name.

"My names Nicole, Nicole Casey. My folks run this place, and this is my first job." She laughed uneasily. Jack hesitated then grasped her hand softly.

"Jack Twist. I'm from Lightning Flat."

"Oh, where's that at? That's a cool name for a city." She broke the hold, and went to get the pancakes. Jack silently laughed. How could anyone find anything _cool_ about Lightning Flat?

"Well, its in northern Wyomin', I came here to get away from it all, ya know what I mean?" She nodded as she put two juicy pancakes on two glass plates and fit them into the holders. She grabbed two plastic forks and knives and placed them with the food. Jack thought it was weird. "But don' ya think it would be better if you gave me some paper plates, so I don't take your glassware?"

Nicole, the cashier, gasped then sighed. "Its okay, my mom has tons of 'em. I want you to have the plates to…remember this place." She smiled wide again. Jack looked at her eyes.

"I think I'll remember a pretty face like yours." Jack grabbed the food and the drinks and said his goodbyes. He balanced the food in his arms and walked to his truck.

He placed the food on the vacant passenger seat. And started the monster to head home, or what seemed like home.

Ennis woke at the sound of Jack's truck throwing dirt and rocks up as he left for food. He stretched then dabbed his eyes, making sure no residue was on them. He yawned a lion's yawn, and headed to the bathroom. He relieved himself and looked into the reflecting glass next to him. He looked at his rough face, and half-smiled either in admiration, or in pity. His brown eyes seemed even darker, and because they didn't light up the room, he had to turn the light on. Now enriched with color, Ennis saw the small bags under his eyes. A hangover loomed, but thankfully for him, the ecstasy did not. He snorted and turned off the light. He moved to the bed and sat at the edge, holding his head in his hands from the headache that was coming. It struck him so fierce that he fell back on the bed. Only then did he realize Jack was not present. He felt the paper under him, softly scratching his back. He grabbed the note, and brought it in close, he never could see that far. He squinted an eye, and read the note. His face contorted at the signature. _Love Jack. Love Jack_? Ennis felt his heart sank. He didn't know what he felt was either sickness or happiness. He grabbed his stomach and rubbed it gently. Jack never had said this so 'aloud' to him, what made him think he should start now? Ennis tried to remember what happened the night before.

_Okay, we left asshole's house, arrived here, went to the bar and came back to this room_. _What else did we do, what else did we do? _He slammed his head, giving himself a worse headache. _Fuck!_ Then he remembered taking the pills. He reached over and grabbed the bag under his pillow. He stared at them, and realized some were gone from the count. He then hid them back in their cave. What did he do while under the influence of them? The very thought alone sent shivers up his spine. He got off the bed and grabbed his jeans from the floor. He threw them on and paced the room, as if it would jolt his mind. He knew Jack loved him, but maybe he just didn't want to hear it. Ennis was by no means a stupid man; he knew he would have had to break some grounds for Jack to write what he did. Jack was usually soft with him, only if Ennis was up to it would he do something. That's why he reframed himself from saying "the man I love" back at the twist home. He knew it would for many reasons upset Ennis.

Jack Twist was in a swing of bliss. Anyone who saw his smile would also be forced to feel happy. Jack grabbed the food off the seat and headed to the room. The men were gone from around room 10. Good, Jack thought they were up to no good. _Why was a man his age hanging out with teenagers?_ Jack sighed and opened the door of the room. He splashed the room with light. He came upon Ennis, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring into deep thought. "Hey-y-y, look who has decided to finally wake. I got pancakes and coffee." Ennis jumped up quickly and made his way to Jack. He helped him organize the food, and he took his share.

"Thanks, bud," Ennis said melancholically. Jack put his own food on the bed and then grabbed Ennis's head and put a soft kiss on his forehead. Ennis hadn't expected it, but he thought how happy Jack must have been feeling at the time. Its not everyday the one you love says they love you too. Ennis smiled, but looked down. Jack's happiness left him slow and painfully.

"What's wrong, not hungry? Well, I'm hungry as a horse." Jack grabbed his coffee and took some sugar and cream packets and mixed them into the dark liquid. He used his knife to stir it. Soon it was fair enough to drink, and he chugged it. Ennis sat his coffee on the table and realized there was no syrup.

"Oh shit, Ennis I'm sorry." Jack frowned deeper, where was all his happy going to? "I guess I wasn't payin' attention, and I forgot the syrup. I can go and get some, if ya want me to?" Ennis shook his head, and picked his pancake up and ate it like a cheeseburger. _It's good this way._ Jack laughed and did the same. He was no doubt saddened by the lack of happiness in Ennis's voice.

Jack had planned on bringing back a wonderful meal. Ennis would smile a deep smile, and possibly say those words again. _Jack, I fucking love you._ Jack threw his cowboy hat off. He sat on the bed, finishing his coffee in one hand and eating his pancake in the middle. Ennis chomped his pancake down fast. He wiped his mouth, took a deep breath and turned to Jack. Jack noticed sadness in his eyes. Jack finished his coffee and threw the cup away in the garbage. He then stuffed the rest of his pancake in his mouth, chewed it, and then swallowed it.

"Come here." Ennis started to. He got his knees on the bed, as Jack opened his arms to embrace, but he stopped. Jack held his position, as Ennis got off the bed again. Another frown from Jack, slowly, he knew the happiness that gave air to his morning was going to die. Ennis stared at Jack and took a deep breath. _Should I ask him? No, no I shouldn', yes I should. He'll understand._ Ennis raised his head higher and began to ask.

"Um…Jack, what happened last night?" He shifted uneasy, and looked to the floor for comfort. Jack smiled and laughed. _Yer jokin' right?_ Ennis gave him a look that said that he most certainly was not joking. Jack frowned his deepest. The happiness was away. He forced a small chuckle and he climbed to the end of the bed, not leaving eye contact with Ennis.

"Don' you remember, Ennis? God we never fucked like that afore. God damn best night of my life." Ennis got real red in the face. Jack got to his feet and made his way to Ennis. He rapped his arms around him, but Ennis roughly pushed him off. _Jack, please, please, not now._

"So…we had s-sex?" Jack nodded nervously. Ennis shifted his weight again, and drew a very deep breath. "D-did I tell you something…something different then what I usually say ta ya?" Jack's face became incoherent. He felt the cold gather around his heart. He clamped his chest. He pushed the words out with much force.

"Y-yeah, you told me…that you loved me." Jack felt the tears playing with him. So much disappointment in his life, and when he finally got happy, he realized it wasn't true, or was it? He leaned in as Ennis spoke. _Oh god…._ Ennis put his hands up as if to shield his head. He walked over to the bed and fell on it. Jack shifted his weight to one side and put his hands on his hips. He let his tongue play with the inside of his mouth, looking for the words. "Ya saying that was a lie, Ennis?" Ennis gave a snort, and sat up.

"Um…no, yes, I don't know, Jack. I can't remember anythin' from last night." Jack grimaced and sat on the bed next to him. Jack raised his hand and painted Ennis's cheek with it._ You don't remember this, Ennis?_ Ennis shook his head, and turned to look at the damage he was causing. Jack bolted up from the bed and grabbed full locks of his hair. Ennis sat quiet; he knew Jack was about to go all out. With a hangover, could he handle it? Jack stood silent for a moment, then without turning, spoke to Ennis.

"None of that, none of it was real?" Ennis didn't speak. His heart felt busted, because though he couldn't see the tears, he knew they were there planted on Jack's face. "You didn't drink that much Ennis. I drank more than you. How the fuck don't you remember?" Jack's voice ripped through the room, echoing silently. Ennis shrugged, but that wasn't good enough for Jack. Jack let go of his own hair, fell on his knees before Ennis and grabbed his hands. "No, Ennis, you tell me the truth, now. No secrets so early. Not when we have a life together yet to live." His voice was desperate and sad, and it tore Ennis apart. Ennis nodded reluctantly. He shook badly enough to be epileptic.

"Oh god…Jack please don't get mad at me." His voice broke, and his lower lip quivered. He was hiding the tears with his hands. He was so vulnerable when he was around Jack. And when he did something that might upset him, he could just cry for hours. "Um, 'member the gas station we went to? Well, the cashier, a nice pretty girl, she said that I l-looked nervous-big surprise-so she gave me some pills." Jack almost gasped.

"What pills, Ennis, let me see them." Ennis rolled back on the bed and grabbed the plastic bag out from under the pillow. He handed them to Jack with shaky hands. Jack took the bag and examined the pills. He was deep in thought, trying to scare something out of the pills.

"Throw them away, Ennis." Jack's voice was cold. Ennis thought that was that. He tossed the pills in the trash bin, and looked at Jack with remorse.

"Jack, I'm sorry-."

"No, Ennis. Why didn't you tell me? I reckon' you took these right after we got back from the bar?" Ennis shook his head. _I'm so sorry Jack. _Jack sat up from Ennis. He snorted. "You gave me the best night of my life Ennis Del Mar. Then I realize it wasn't even you." Ennis looked up. _A course it was me, Jack._

"No, no, no, Ennis. I have seen other people take this drug. Tommy, a guy my daddy hired to help with the ranch, because I wasn't _good enough for him_, got his hand on these drugs and overdosed on them. Do ya know what overdose means?

"Yes, I know what overdose means, Jack fucking Twist. I'm not an idiot, even if ya think I am."

"Oh really. 'Cause only morons take pills after drinking a bunch a beer!" Ennis looked at Jack, his face melting into hatred. He breathed in and out. He counted to ten in his head, a step he usually skipped. He bolted up so fast; Jack fell backwards on the floor.

"I'm, I'm not stupid Jack." His voice was unbelievably calm. Jack stared right back into his eyes and fought back. He got to his feet and poked Ennis hard in the chest; getting him rallied up.

"You fucked me up last night. Sayin' you _love me_. Giving me false hope. Suckin' my god damn dick, and wringing yer own out, 'cause you didn' wanna bother me with the burden." Ennis blushed deeply. He gagged a tad and stood still as a brick house. Jack wouldn't let up, his voice got louder and his jabs got harder.

"Ya think ya can do whatever you want to. Why didn't you tell me? The least we could of done was to get drugged up together, than at least no one would be left behind." Jack cried deeply. "You hurt me today Ennis." Jack wiped his eyes and fell on the bed face first. Ennis stood frozen in his spot. He shook with guilt, he shook with pain, and he shook with anger. He looked down, thinking that ignoring the conflict would help, but soon he found himself hating the gray carpet. He looked at Jack, crying face down in the pillow. He didn't need much time to gather the words, but he was so crazed that he could swear mean out of John Twist.

"Listen Jack," he began calmly enough. "I, I got the…for I could be more r-relaxed. I…f-felt useless to you. Yer all happy all the time, and, and I'm always broodin'. I would be god damned if you were gonna have ta put up with me like that, after what happened at yer daddy's place." Ennis's voice almost broke. "I'm awful sorry." Jack's loud sobs stopped. He laid still, only breathing. Ennis climbed on the bed, and moved to Jack's side.

"Leave me alone."

"No, Jack. I can't do that."

"LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUTTERING FUCK!" Ennis felt the anger rise in him, but he attempted to override it. No doubt that hurt badly, stomach pains to prove it, but Ennis thought that's what he deserved. He played with some of Jack's hair. His strength was building to say something that he was longing to say.

"J-jack that hurt badly. P-please don't be mad at me." His voice broke again, and so did his face. He couldn't hold it in this time; already too full of nothing. "Jack, I t-think we should not see each other for a coupla hours. I'm gonna go to the bar. I don't think you need me 'round right now. Take all the time you want." Ennis forced an unseen smile on his face. He sniffed up tears and kissed Jack's head. Jack seemed unbothered by Ennis's message. Ennis got up and threw on his shirt. He grabbed Jack's keys from his pocket and patted Jack's ass. "I'll be back in an hour or two." Ennis smiled at himself, and headed for the door. Before he was out of the small room, Jack turned on the bed and called.

"Ennis…I'm sorry." His voice came painful. His eyes were bloodshot and wet. He wiped them, and then stood up. "I, I just thought it was so real. But maybe I'm expecting too much. I think I'm gonna go fer a walk. I don't wanna be here while yer gone." Jack half-smiled. Ennis looked back sympathetically. He leaned in and planted a perfect ten kiss on Jack. They stood in that moment as two broken souls. One's sorrow was more than he let show, the other, though feeling guilty, needed time to himself. Hell, they both needed time alone. Ennis unwillingly broke the locking, and smiled. He completed his look with his cowboy hat. "I'll see ya soon, bud." Jack nodded and watched as Ennis walked to his truck. He watched as Ennis drove the truck away. He watched the dust swirl and the rain start to fall.

"I'm still going for a walk," Jack told himself. He went into the motel to get his cowboy hat, but felt a weight pulling him down. He slammed the door and his back connected with it. He fell right then and there and cried like an abandoned child. The tears flew out hard. He cried louder and louder, even going as far to rock himself back and forth. He hated it all, he thought so badly that Ennis was speaking the truth. He remembered the look on his face, his eyes looking big the whole time. Jack hit himself for not seeing it for what it was, a drug effect. That's all their love was-a drug effect. He pulled himself up with the doorknob. He couldn't believe he let himself stoop to that level. He grabbed his hat, and then ran out into the cold rain. Destination unknown.

Ennis's ride to the crappy bar was silent. He was thinking of that painful look on Jack's face, permanently planted in his head. He didn't mean to be so cold, and yet, he thought he was doing well by taking the pills and becoming relaxed. Why was Jack sad anyway? _Ya know why he's sad, idiot. You ripped that guy's heart out and stood on it. _Ennis sighed. He was greatly relieved when he got to the bar, though the shitty appearance on the outside sort of welcomed men to what was in the inside; drunken women. Ennis galloped in and went directly to the bathroom. He puked four times; this time it was no food poisoning. He wiped his mouth, and spat. How pathetic was he? He just wanted to roll into the fetal position and die, but Jack would be waiting for him for a long time. No doubt Jack would wait that long too. He was one loyal guy, and Ennis admired that. He couldn't do that to Jack. He got up slowly, and made his way to the bar itself.

A familiar face greeted him: Marla. She smiled and told him she didn't expect him back so soon. He got 4 beers; he just wanted to drown it all away.

"You drink more than a fish, ya better slow down."

"What do you know about fish, huh? You live in South Dakota." Marla grimaced as Ennis went on chugging.

"There's fish in SD too, smartass." She smiled and playfully tapped his arm. "Where's yer little friend?" Ennis looked up at her, and swallowed the cooled liquid in his throat.

"Uh…he had some family problems." Marla frowned a bogus sign of affection. _Well, I thought he would be dead._ _Queers like him never seem too last long here in Rapid City._

"Hey, hey, shut up about Jack Twist, he's my, he's my, b-best friend." Marla faked a gasp.

"Oh dear, I never knew you two were together." She chuckled. Ennis slammed a bottle hard against the counter, cracking it deeply. "I ain't queer, but he's a good guy. Never have I looked at him…in that way." Marla put her hands sarcastically.

"Sorry, Hitler, didn' mean to offend." She laughed again, and Ennis forced himself to. "You know Del Mar, you are one hot piece a meat?" Ennis blushed, too drunk to say anything in his defense. He chugged another beer down, and smiled.

"Another, please." She gladly handed him one and went on.

"I just wanna rip those clothes from you and lick every inch of ya. And I mean _every inch. _Lets go back to yer place, assuming ya have a place." Ennis's expression didn't change; he just drank beer after beer.

"Yeah, I have a place. Me and Jack, we have a motel room rented to us." She smiled then grabbed a hold of Ennis's shirt. Her grip was hard, and she pulled him close to her face. Ennis's eyes got big. He put his beer down, and listened.

"Lets go back there. We can tell fruitcake to leave why we…" She leaned into Ennis's ear and whispered the words. _"Have a fuckin' of a life time. _Ennis was getting aroused. Her lips were just like Jack's, but bigger. She was awful pretty, but no, no he couldn't do it.

"Yer too old fer me, Marla…I can't." Ennis was fighting off the urge. The beer was corrupting his system, and he slowly fell more into an infatuation with Marla. She smiled at Ennis's last, rude, comment. _Us old gals have all the fun._

Ennis fought it off for hours. Actually till he had had twenty beers, and it was well passed 5:00 pm. The moment that closed the deal was when Marla knocked the beer bottle Ennis was drinking from at the time from his hand and onto his lap. Ennis had jumped up, and Marla had dived at his crotch. Grabbing his goods with one hand, and groping. Ennis gave in. She drove them to the motel, as Ennis gave her several hickies on the neck, and they ran full force into the motel room. If Ennis wasn't so drunk he would of noticed that Jack wasn't home yet.

Jack ran like a madman in the rain. He wanted to run it all away. He didn't want to think about his and Ennis's young tainted love. He wanted to think about running, and only running. He was soaked from head to toe, but he went on. Many cars had past him, but none of them offered a ride, maybe they saw his violent demeanor and didn't want to go there. Jack's cowboy hat fell off his head, dozens of minutes ago, he told himself he'll get it when he made his way back. The rain splashed his face, and cleansed him of any worry. The lightning struck loud, but Jack kept going like he wasn't a human, but a machine. He ran on the side of the road, nearly being hit several times. Five times Jack fell down and felt his insides choking. One time he puked, but he went on. He often would close his eyes and run, but that risked being hit by a car. He didn't care much anymore though. He wanted it to feel right to be mad. He ran around a bend, and fell on a mound of mud. He couldn't go any further; he laid there for several minutes. He didn't think, he was just breathing up and down, rubbing his chest, making sure it didn't explode. He fell on his side, face in mud and puked. He felt worthless. His dad was right, he was worthless. He wished he could just roll up, and wait for a car to lose control and hit him. That wouldn't be fair to Ennis. Ennis was willing to sort out his problems. Jack wasn't. But what problems did Jack have? He did nothing wrong.

He laid there till the rain stopped twenty minutes later. His back was covered in mud, and so was the side of his face. He found a puddle in the road. He looked at his reflection. How different that face was. There were rings around his eyes, and his face looked white as an angel. He coughed, and used the water to wipe off the mud on his cheek and his back. He slowly and willingly started to make his way back to the motel. He was sure Ennis was back by now. He didn't want Ennis to freak so he picked up the pace. He ran full throttle. He ran passed his crushed cowboy hat in the road, and he ran through several cars splashing him with their wheels. He ran and ran. Ennis is why he ran. He wanted to see him so badly. Once he fell, he didn't stay down long. He would get up and run more. He was shaking and running. He was probably getting a cold, but Ennis would warm him in his big strong arms.

Finally, the motel was in sight. His truck was there, but one of the doors was opened; the passenger door. Jack kicked it closed, and slowly made his way to room 17. He stood on the concrete sidewalk and stopped just in front of the room. He had heard a familiar noise. It was the noise of Ennis grunting, but another noise was there. A _woman's_ voice. Jack felt like fainting. He started to shake real bad; he told himself it was some misunderstanding. He reached for the doorknob and gradually grabbed it. He turned it slowly and opened the door a foot. Yes the noise was coming from inside. He put his head in the door. He died that second. There was Ennis naked pumping himself into Marla Johnson, the bartender on the queen-size bed. Their queen-size bed. Jack shook his head, and lashed his hand to his mouth. He closed the door with all his strength. He clasped both his hands over his mouth to keep from screaming. The flames erupted in his chest, and felt all of nothing leaving him. The tears fell like it was a normal thing, like they knew the queue. He slammed himself against the wall next to the door and fell. He cried softly, but his tears were covered by another case of rain. There he sat all night, alone. He was cold, he was sad, and he was angry. He shook badly enough to scare someone, but no one came around to be scare. His knees were to his chest, and his head down. He had nothing left. Ennis had a sick way of playing back. He felt his insides being turned inside out. Of all days they chose this day. Now who was going to warm him?

**Author's Notes**: _Poor Jack, I know. This isn't the worse to come yet, unfortunately._


	10. A Sudden Pain at Both Ends

Chapter 10

A Sudden pain at both ends

The cool day came back to the Bates motel. It drifted along the lone doors and breathed against the glass of the windows. It danced, it massaged, it tasted everything insight. The wind at last fell upon a man. This man did not move an inch as the wind rained on his arms and his legs. His face was down, seemingly looking at the ground between his legs. He sat against the space between the door of room 17 and its window, like a domestic gnome in the Garden of Eden. Ennis was Adam and Marla was Eve. Jack had no place in there. Well, at least that's what he let himself believe. He didn't know if he was asleep or awake. He didn't know if he was dead or still living, all he knew was that he wanted to be left alone, unless of course your name was Ennis Del Mar. Luckily his solitude lasted that long. The motel seemed dissolute of life, and beauty. Some cars passed and one car drove in. The driver and passenger, two male adolescents, parked next to Jack's truck and made their way to room 10 with much noise. They laughed and pointed at Jack and whispered to each other. Jack heard the door slam; he slowly moved his head up. Feet approached him, unthreateningly.

"Hello Jack Twist," said a somewhat familiar voice. Jack looked up at the dark shadow being cut out into a silhouette by the sun. It was Anthony Curtis, the manager. He stood with his sweaty armpit stains and his bald spot, gleaming in the sun. He had an unreadable face, and he shifted to one side. Jack gave a dead look to Curtis; he barely had the energy or the will to hold his head up. His face was deeply pale, and his eyes seemed to flicker in the morning sun. Anthony's expression didn't change.

"Wha' do ya want, Anthony?" Jack heard his own voice croak out of him. He sounded like a corpse, how far was he from being one? Anthony grinned, revealing some missing teeth.

"Well…don't yah want me to tell ya how I know yer las' name is Twist an' not Del Mar?" Jack jumped a tad, and is eye level fell to his truck in the distance. _Didja snoop in my truck?_ Anthony nodded and laughed. "Sure did, Jack. I found this." He grabbed in his pocket and pulled out a small rectangle. Though Jack wasn't looking his direction, he knew he had his license. "Why a nice boy like you lying, Jack?" Jack shook his head vigorously and put his hands in his hair. _A nice guy like me? _Anthony side tossed the license at Jack like a Frisbee. It hit Jack in the face; he seemed unmoved by it.

"Come, on. I'm not in a good mode, Curtis. We all lie, and we'll all die." Jack rubbed the new scratch on his cheek. Anthony laughed a full belly laugh and advanced on Jack. Jack coward a tad, but didn't move from his position. _Some a us die earlier than others._

Jack felt the terror grasp his heart, and pinch it as Anthony pulled him, by his hair, to his feet. Jack heard his own yells, they sounded pathetic. "Stop Curtis, yer hurtin' me!" His screams were lesser than most people's whispers. No sleep last night, and the depression had drained him of everything but pain. Anthony pulled on Jack like a puppeteer pulls a puppet. Jack's legs dangled, too tired to hold himself up, and hold a defense. Anthony laid a hard one on Jack's face. Next thing he knew he was falling. His face busted against the concrete. Blood squirted like a hose. He moaned, but laid there unmoving. Anthony grabbed his legs, and with his strong upper body strength, pulled Jack. Jack yelled as his body scraped against the hard concrete. His stomach was being tortured, it burned like fire. He tried his hardest to kick Curtis, but couldn't hit anything soft; he was too strong. Jack felt consciousness leaving him; he tried to wake himself up desperately looking for strength.

_Don't go to sleep, Jack. NO, no. _Jack was pushed onto a bed. He heard many joyful laughs around him. Was this the last goddamn thing he was going to hear? He could count three voices; his guess was that he was in room 10.

"Look at that fat ass, 'bout ta get the fuckin' of its life." Jack woke up with that. He pushed himself off the bed, and instantly felt three pairs of hands around his chest and shoulders. "I'll hold him." Jack was being forced down on his stomach at the edge of the bed.

"Please, please don't do this!" This time Jack's voice had pitch. He tried to push up his body, but the weight was too overwhelming. He felt the tears falling even without pain. He washed the bed with blood; they splashed the room with sex and laughter.

"You like that, I know you like that, you faggot." Jack cried aloud like a wounded animal. "Get off of me, god, no, don't!" Jack felt penetration. It took his breath away, but hurt like hell. He couldn't even hold his head up anymore; a hand was pushing it down to the bed. It hurt so badly, Jack just wanted to cry for Ennis, he needed some light at the end of his tunnel.

"Ennis, help me!" He cried out. "Ennis please!" He whined deeply as he was pushed into deeper and harder. He felt his flesh being stretched, and manipulated. The men mocked Jack, adding the lemon to the already dead baby seal's wound.

"Ennis? Ennis? Is that yer queer buddy? I bet I'm better than he is. How's my cock, you like that? You like that?" Jack couldn't move, he just cried out some unphysical defense.

"_NO! Ennis, please, help me Ennis!" _One couldn't tell if he even spoke words this time. He felt worthless, he couldn't fight these men, now they were taking what Ennis only got, and paining what Ennis gave to someone else that morning. Jack's voice this time went quieter. "Please…stop this, I…can't take it…" The one that was working slapped Jack's ass hard and exited him. _No matter, I'm done._ _Chief, yer turn. _Jack for a few seconds had no hands on him, as the men switch positions. Jack didn't even try to get up. He laid there; eyes wide open looking out the window of the room. He felt dead; not even the new stinging brought him to. He felt like the room was closing in on him. The tears fell into his mouth, given him a salty taste. This was much rougher. His body gyrated all over the bed. He was losing much more blood by the second. He just laid still like he was already deceased. Without Ennis, he was. Jack gave out a cry. The cry filled the room quickly and leaked into the outside. Jack cried like a child. He couldn't handle the pain, the neglect. It was consuming him, and everytime he closed his eyes he saw Ennis, Ennis fucking Marla on the queen-sized the bed. When he tried to talk, he hears his dad._ Yer a worthless, piece of shit! _Only when he cried did he see his mother. She helped him through it. _You'll be okay, you'll be okay._

A moan then a shower of hot liquid on his back. Chief was done, but he decided to linger. He climbed onto the bed and sat on Jack's back. Pain ripped through him like a mudslide, his bleeding chest, his swelling lips and his melancholy eyes all shook with hopelessness. Chief grabbed Jack's shoulders and rubbed them "Yer one hot piece of ass, ya know?" Jack said nothing; he stared at the window, once in a while snorting up tears. This chief didn't wait for an answer; he bent to Jack's neck and almost pseudo-compassionately spoke to him. "You were the best I ever had. Yer tight ass all around my cock, oh god, if it wasn' Curtis's turn then I would ride you all night." Jack gasped to himself. Curtis was next. Chief did not leave Jack's shoulders he rubbed them to give a false peace, as Curtis got ready. Jack imagined his fat body, his beady eyes and balding spot; soon they would come to be one. Jack heard a slap on skin. "Get up, I want to see Jack's purty face when I fuck his tightness." Jack felt a lurch in his throat. He wanted to puke, but couldn't. He wanted to fight but didn't. He wanted Ennis, but wouldn't get him.

And then, sudden terror struck through the room. "Someone's pullin' in." Jack's dead heart moved; he was saved. All three men threw their clothes on, and left the room in a hurricane to deal with some person asking for a room. Jack stayed on the bed. He was still face down. He tried to move but couldn't. He tried to support himself up, but his arms buckled, sending him face first. He gave a yell of fierce pain that ran from navel to spine. He fell back on the bed, but jumped when someone entered the room again. He felt a very hard slap on his ass, sure to leave a bruise. Then he felt himself being lifted up. His eyes came on Chief; oddly Jack thought how he was the nicest piece of shit of the three. Chief raped a kiss on Jack's lips, and smiled sadistically. "If only it could a been different." Jack let a tear fall on his face, with it; it took his might, his dignity, and his happiness. Chief smiled at Jack's lifeless look. He wiped a tear of Jack's busted face with his hand and cuffed his cheek. Jack wordlessly leaned to his touch. He closed his eyes, like Chief was Ennis, and got surprised when he hit the floor hard.

Chief rubbed his knuckles then ran to room 17 with a plan. He knocked loudly on Ennis's doorand then bolted to his getaway car. Him and the other teen took off, arguing weather he should of done that or not. Anthony, who gave the savior room 2, had left already; he didn't want to be around when Ennis woke up.

In the damp hotness of the bed, Ennis stirred. His head felt like a wood full of streams. He held it softly and looked over at his side for Jack. Jack was not anywhere to be found. A sleeping girl slept in his spot. Ennis forced himself to look away. _What did I do? _At his wrecked words, Marla woke. She crawled over to Ennis and put her arm around his back. "Good morning, baby." Ennis jumped up like lightning. _Baby _was Jack's word. "Yer not Jack." Marla laughed and admired her red fingernails that had scraped Ennis's back. Ennis put his head in his hands. _Shit, where is he, where is he?_ He paced the room, until he grabbed his pants and the truck keys from the floor. Its been nearly twenty-four hours since ha last saw Jack. He darted out of the room, half dressed and frantic. He started to nervously sweat. He looked at the new day around him; it was another rainy day for sure. His eyes scanned everything. They fell upon Jack's drivers license on the ground, next to the door. Ennis bent down and picked it up, fearing the worse. That one tear fell quick, something happened to his darlin'.

His fingers rubbed Jack's picture, a good picture it was. Jack's smile was bright, and his eyes were thicker than ever. Ennis thought how stunning he looked. He blushed; men weren't stunning. He placed the card into his pocket, and turned to dash to the truck. His heart stopped. There before him was a puddle of blood. Ennis started to shake badly. All these scenes came into his eyes. People killing Jack with tire irons, people eating him alive, people beating him to a pulp. He could picture Jack's eyes, covered in thick blood, his beautiful mouth, spiting up some. Ennis's legs buckled. He fell on one knee and gasped for a breath. He touched the blood, and felt it in his hands. It streamed across his palm, and hit the ground. _What had he done?_ He got up and then noticed more blood. It was Jack's way of crying for help. A path of blood dangled along the sidewalk. Ennis followed it slowly at first, but then he jumped into a run. It abruptly stopped at the agate door of room 10. Ennis grabbed his chest. _Oh god, not Jack. H_e felt the power leaving his shoulders, as he gingerly looked into the dim room, half-hoping Jack wasn't there.

First his eyes saw the blood stained bed. He nearly fell into a mess of himself. Than he fell onto the sight of Jack face down, nude and spread-eagle on the carpet. Ennis gave out a terrified sigh. He ran to Jack's body. He put his hands on his back, and flipped him over slowly. Jack was comatose. Ennis breathed in hard. He placed his head on Jack's bloodied chest to feel the breathing. Yes, he felt a little bit. _No time ta panic, no time ta panic._ Ennis let Jack's dangling head use his arm as a cushion. Ennis grabbed Jack's legs, and picked him up, like a parent does to a child. He stumbled, but got his ground. He ran to the truck, and somehow managed to open the door with Jack still in his arms. Marla ran out of the door with Ennis's shirt on over her body. "What happened?" But before she could move an inch, Ennis told her to stay away, and to be gone by the time they came back. She pouted then slammed the door behind her. Ennis gave Jack a kiss of life on his forehead, and then carried him to the passenger seat. He placed him there as he noticed his eyes twitching. Was he going into shock? Ennis panicked. He closed Jack's door than jumped to his side, and had the thing started before he even sat down. _Don't worry, Jack, I'm here_.

Ennis had no idea where a hospital was. He gunned his way to the _Casey's Joint, _hoping for some help. He ran out of the truck and tripped into the diner. Everyone's eyes came upon him, and his throat tightened. He shook them off. _Fuck it. _"Where is the nearest hospital?" He looked at the face of a girl with green eyes and brown hair. Her name-tag read Nicole. _The nearest hospital is that way fer 'bout ten miles_. Ennis smiled and touched Nicole's arm as a thank you. He ran to the truck and gunned it past the bar, heading even deeper into his fear and pain. Jack didn't move at all. Once in a while he twitched which cause Ennis to jump. If Jack would be lost, Ennis wouldn't be able to go on. He pushed those thoughts out of his head. "No Jack, yer gonna make it. Ya hear me Jack Fuckin' Twist, yer gonna make it!" Jack moved his head a bit. Ennis filled with ecstasy. Ennis looked on the dark road, with one thing in mind; Jack.

Finally a large whitish building dwarfed the trees all around. Ennis manically looked for the ER. He ran the truck right into the ambulance lane, and got out. He left it running, hoping to be back out soon enough. He tripped four times by the time he reached the desk. Out of breath, he forced himself from yelling. "He's hurt, he's bleedin' real bad, I need help he's…just out there." Ennis pointed to the visible truck, out of the glass doors. The nurse at the desk nodded and picked up a phone. Ennis heard her voice on the loudspeakers, his angel calling for help. In a matter of grueling seconds, Ennis watched as many men in white uniforms ran to the truck, and pried the door open. Ennis couldn't get too close, not wanting to interfere. He just wanted Jack, and only Jack. Ennis went out to the truck and moved it to a regular parking spot, and killed the engine. Ennis sat in the driver seat, it was finally pouring out.

He hit the steering wheel hard with his wrist over and over again. "Goddamn it! I'm so sorry, Jack." He slammed his head down on the steering wheel and covered his eyes. He wept with passion, and self-loathing. He hated himself, for what he did. He fucked Marla, which fucked over Jack. He hoped Jack…still loved him. Ennis wiped his eyes and snorted up tears. He fell back on the seat and fell asleep.

_There was Jack, deep in a meadow. His trademark smile on his face, and his beautiful eyes aglow. Jack looked at Ennis and grabbed his soul, grabbed his heart, grabbed everything. Jack laughed, that tingling laugh. He sighed that heart-felt sighed. And his lips…well, they were there too. Ennis just stared at Jack's face, as it seemed to grow paler. The sky darkened, and calls from the mountains called for Jack by his name. Jack looked scared; he clung to Ennis like a baby does his mother. "Don't let them get me," he whispered. Ennis nodded, a fat tear fell from his eyes as the men approached. Ennis blinked once and that's all it took. Jack was on the ground in blood, Ennis let his blood spill, Ennis killed Jack._

He gasped from the nightmare to breathe. He violently thrashed in the truck, still fighting off the guys that didn't exist. Not even when his hand collided with Jack's window did he stop. He felt the glass break from the hit. Some pieces lingered, cutting his knuckles deep. He felt the blood fall on his pants, drop by drop. He cursed aloud, that echoed through the parking lot. He felt like a lion in a cat cage. He throbbed deeply, holding his cut knuckle. He quickly exited the truck and ran to the ER.

"I need to see Jack Twist, now, p-please."

"Jack Twist?"

"Yeah, the man I brought in a hour ago."

"Oh, okay, I think they're done with him. His room will be on the-my lord yer bleeding!"

"Its nothin'. Please, where's Jack's room?"

"I'm gonna get someone to look at that first. What is your name?"

"Ennis fuckin' Del Mar. Goddamn people here are too stubborn-sorry, but I just need ta see Jack." The nurse must have heard his pain, as she said after a Dr. Clinck would tend to him. It was the same doctor that tended to Jack. Ennis willingly accepted defeat. He walked with the doctor to a room.

"Where's Jack, is he okay? I need to see him."

"He's in a stable condition, but let me fix yer hand up first, before you see him, Mr. Del Mar." Ennis bitterly accepted the doctor's wishes. His voice was calm and Ennis didn't want to hurt another person that done no wrong.

"One more question…is he, is he awake?" Ennis blushed, and Dr. Clinck could see it. He looked into Ennis's eyes, with a _don't worry, be happy_ face.

"I see how important he must be to you, is he family, or friend?" Ennis looked away from the doctor tending to his hand.

"Um…he's my brother-no he's not, he's my friend." Clinck sighed.

"Well, I think you should say he is yer brother, because when a person is in the ER, only family can see them." He smiled, and Ennis quivered. He forced a smile on his face. Only a true one will come if he saw Jack, alive and awake. _So is he awake? _The doctor sighed.

"No. Whoever beat him up, really took it to him hard. He's physically exhausted, he'll be asleep for a while. That reminds me, there is a sheriff coming to ask you a few question. Officer Townsky." Ennis rolled his eyes. _Perfect, more shit. _The doctor just laughed it off, as he added the stitches in Ennis's hand. Ennis couldn't help but imagine Jack being beaten by many faceless men. He almost gagged, but pushed it down.

"How didja manage this?" Ennis blushed more. I, I punched a window, jus' now." Clinck grimaced. "Not too smart." Ennis frowned and winced at the stitches being sown into his flesh. He never was good with pain.

"There you go. I will take you to Jack, and tell you all he suffered from." Ennis nodded. They made their way, but Ennis stopped in the hall of the hospital. _Do ya have a shirt I can wear?_

Ennis slipped on a yellow shirt. He hated yellow, and wondered how obvious he looked in the shirt. He just threw it out the window, though. It didn't matter; he was about to see Jack Twist, his love.

Ennis was led to Jack's room, room number 233. Him and Dr. Clinck stopped in front of the door and glared at a clipboard, showing Jack's description.

"He suffered a couple of broken rips, a couple of lacerations on his face-."

"Laceration? What's that? Its not serious is it?" The doctor put his hand on Ennis's shoulder.

"Calm down. A laceration is a technical name for a deep cut. Jack had several _deep cuts _on his face. All have been tamed. He also had busted lips, and one more thing." Dr. Clinck grabbed Ennis's shoulder harder and pulled him off to the side of the hall, leaned to him and whispered. His face was very grave. His voice came with a small buckle like he would break down.

"We always clean our patients when they're brought in. Well when we were cleaning Jack, we found several identifiable… _semen_ samples on his body." Ennis felt the heavy punch. He glared with his mouth agate. He couldn't breathe. Damn those men, he wouldn't sleep till they were six feet under. He gave Dr. Clinck a broken look. A deadly stare too. Clinck reluctantly went on. "We also found many hair samples around his rectum. I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you, Jack was raped." Ennis fell Indian style on the ground. This was too much; he rocked back and forth wanting to wash it all away.

"Why? Why? I can't take this anymore…its my fault, its my fault." The doctor kneed down to him and shushed him.

"Come on Ennis, its okay to cry. Let it all out." Ennis scowled at Clinck and sniffed his tears. He wiped his mouth, and his eyes.

"No, it ain't okay ta cry. Can, can I see him now?" Both men got their feet.

"Are you sure yer up to it? Its not a pretty sight, though we did clean him up." Ennis nodded. _As ready as I will ever be._ Dr. Clinck smiled and opened Jack's door.

The room was dark. Too dark. Ennis stepped in, being consumed into the shadows. The noise of machines attached to Jack was the air. And there he laid; his Jack. The Jack he had kissed many hours before was now in a hospital bed, having trouble breathing. Ennis was in some kind of trance. He just advanced, looking on the bruised face. His blue eyes did not light up the room, though it needed his touch. The smile was gone, Jack's aura that was usually so bright, was now evanescent. Ennis swiped a tear off his face and went to Jack's side. He looked peaceful, though having just been nearly beaten to death and….

"Ask for me if you need something. I'll be back when Sheriff Townsky arrives." Ennis nodded and Doctor Clinck shut the door. Finally, alone.

Ennis rubbed his hand on Jack's hair. How it felt so smooth and cold. He put his fingers through it, and traced the top of his head. Ennis brought a chair from nearby and placed it at Jack's side. He sat, staring at Jack's face, and watching his stomach move up and down with every significant breath. Ennis felt the droplets stinging. He wiped them away, but gave an auditable cry. He leaned in and softly kissed Jack's forehead like he had done several times. He left tears on Jack's head; it blended in with Jack's other problems. Ennis leaned back and crossed his arms. The self-hatred was coming back.

"My god Ennis, what kinda monster are you?" Ennis swallowed deeply. He smiled to himself, remembering all the time Jack had nurtured him in his times of need. Jack was like a mother, but Ennis didn't want to think of him as his mother. He chuckled, leaning his weight on the back of the chair. "I really fucked you up big time, didn't Ipal?" His lower lip quivered. He didn't want to say more, but he pushed the words out. This time the crying was prevalent. "You did good, babe." Ennis busted into a cry so loud it reached the hall. He put his head down on the bed next to Jack's hand. He desperately grabbed it and used it to warm himself. He sobbed till he was nearly asleep. How this whole day had been tiresome. It was only 3:00 in the afternoon, but Ennis felt like he just spent the day jogging.

"I'm so sorry 'bout Marla. Jack, I swear, if I wasn't drunk, I wouldn' of…." Ennis realized he was whispering to himself. He wiped yet more tears from his eyes and yawned. There was a loud knock on the door, and it slowly opened. Revealing Dr. Clinck.

"The sheriff is here ta speak with ya, Ennis." Ennis nodded in the hall light. He slowly got up; he took a glance back at Jack, laying alone in the darkened room. He left the room, and his heart.

"Do we have ta close the door?" Ennis began. He looked down in embarrassment. "Its just…if he wakes up, I don' want him ta be afraid." Ennis's lower lip quivered again, and was holding the tears back with all his might. Damn those tears to hell. Clinck smiled a wide smile.

"We can leave it open with a book, or better yet the clipboard," Dr. Clinck said. He took Jack's clipboard off the wall pocket and wedged it under the door. He looked up at Ennis and smiled when the door didn't close by itself. "You are way too hard on yerself. Lighten up, Ennis. All will be okay in the end." Jack had once told him the same thing. He smiled and followed Dr. Clinck to the lounge.

The lounge was a small room with many candy and pop machines. Even a cappuccino machine was present. A fat guy in uniform sat at a table in the middle of the room. He had a dark blonde mullet, and small green eyes. Townsky and Ennis shook hands and so did Clinck and the sheriff. Ennis was asked to take a seat across from the cop, and Clinck was dismissed from the room. He told Ennis he worked all night and if he needed anything, just to ask for him. Ennis smiled and shook his hand, even giving him a brief hug. _Thanks for Jack._ Ennis blushed deeply as Clinck exited the room. He retook his seat and sighed. He crossed his fingers on the table and listened to the cop.

"Okay yer Ennis Del Mar, and the fellows name is Jack Twist?" Ennis nodded, so far so good. "You guys live around here?" Ennis shifted in his seat. He knew he would have to open his heart and his mouth. He bit a fingernail energetically.

"No…me and him are from Wyomin'. I was born in Riverton; he's from Lightning Flat." Townsky's eyes narrowed.

"I was informed that ya two were brothers. Was I miss informed?" Ennis got real stiff. _Think, think._ He grabbed the right words and sword fought with them.

"Yeah, we are, but our parents were d-divorce. I lived with my mama, he lived with dad." Ennis smirked, proud that he could tell a smart lie. The sheriff bought it.

"Well, okay. Do you know of anyone that might have a grudge on you or Jack, or anyone in yer family?" Ennis thought for a second. "No, not that I know of." Ennis shifted again, avoiding the narrow eyes.

"Well, do you know of any motive that someone would use as a excuse against Jack or even you?" The question was fair. Ennis gulped. He didn't want to lie twice, but he definitely disagreed with telling the truth. He leaned back in the chair and glared at the lamb above. He took many breaths, before talking.

'Yes, no, no, I mean no." He blushed again. The sheriff stared him down. Ennis felt the weight beaming on his shoulders. _Damn, this was it._ He started to gather the words.

"Is it yes, or is it no?" Ennis wiped sweat off his brow, and sighed. _Its…yes. _Townsky gave him time this time. Ennis was offered money for a pop. He enthusiastically accepted it and put the change in the machine. He listened to the dime fall within. He just pushed one of the buttons and opened whatever it was and chugged it.

"Back to business. What is the motive 'xactly?" Ennis sat his cold drink on the table. He got the words, now he needed to run with them.

"You see…." No that was the wrong way to start, another breath another chug, another wipe of the mouth. "Okay, I'm just gonna lay it down. P-please let this be between me and you only." The sheriff shook his head. 'Well, Jack and me aren't really brothers. We're close, but…" He cleared his throat, took more fluid and gave the sheriff _that _look. The look in Ennis's face said it all. The sheriff nodded his head, _I see._ Ennis froze, relief and humiliation washed over him. He didn't feel like talking anymore. He just wanted to make it out of the hospital alive, with Jack under his arm.

"Ennis," The sheriff began, "do you think this attack was aimed at Jack because he's gay?"


	11. Lonesome Heart

**Author's Notes: **_Yes the last chapter was brutal, but something had to be done for Ennis to suffer. He had to be put in Jack's place. Most of this chapter is going to be conversation between characters. Yes, Jack must wake sometime. Please review!_

Chapter 11

Lonesome Heart

Ennis heard the question. Did he know the answer? Of course he did; it was the only explanation for such a heinous act acted upon his Jack. He never hurt anybody; all he wanted was some respect, pride, and some Ennis for the ride. But Ennis thought it was quite ironic that a gay bashing would include rape. He pondered on that factor for a few winks before finally giving Sheriff Townsky an answer. He cleared his own voice and looked up from the floor, so longing to check on Jack already. He dashed for his drink, but it was empty. No more fuel, no more energy. He spoke with uncertain words.

"Um…no. Why would they…if they were jus' after him 'cause he's…with me?" He broke out his fingers and chewed on them with passion. His eyes flew over the room like a fly would. He glanced everywhere but at the fat cop sitting in front of him. What was going through that cop's mind? Townsky frowned, and swat at a bug on his arm. He snorted loudly and dug back into Ennis.

"Ya see, Ennis. The men could of done what they did as a manner of mocking. There was a bruise on his left cheek, so it would make sense. But then again, most crimes don't make sense." Ennis finally grabbed the man's eyes and shrouded his mouth with his hands. Townsky had to lean in even deeper as Ennis spoke.

"He had a bunch a bruises on his face. H-how could a bruise on his face…tell ya anythin'? I once gave him one myself, but…" Townsky half-smiled. His posture seemed to loosen significantly. He gave a chuckle that pissed Ennis off. _What was he laughing about? It was bad enough I have to be talkin' to him._ Ennis pushed away the guilt about once striking Jack, and grabbed Townsky's arm.

"What's so funny? My friends just about died and you're laughin'." Ennis was talking through his teeth. He hissed out the words, but the sheriff continued to smile. He softly took Ennis's arm off of him, and sighed.

"Whoa-a-a-a, settle down Del Mar," Townsky began with ease. He let Ennis collect himself and sit back down, mad and confused as a bull with a red sheet in its face. The sheriff crossed his hands and pierced Ennis with his not-so-serious look. "I didn' mean the cheek on his face Del Mar." He chuckled a tad and hit his hip with his hand. Ennis blushed deeply. _Sorry 'bout that. _Ennis put his hands to his face and used them to hold his head up on the table. "Its alright. Yer way too tough on yourself, everyone makes mistakes." Ennis opened a tad. _The mistakes I make are big. So you said someone branded Jack? _"If ya wanna put it that way, yeah. It was probably a-for a lack of a better word-_friendly_ slap. A playful one even. That's why I do be believe Jack was attacked for being quee- gay then raped to be ridiculed." Townsky's eyes were all knowing, they spiraled over Ennis like he was a fine specimen, reading every line. He watched as Ennis once again jumped for his drink, and found nothing. He slid more change on the table to Ennis, who thanked him with an uncomfortable nod.

"Yeah, they were real…playful," said Ennis. He felt his own pain in the words and wondered how he should hide them this time next time. He got up, and was dancing with the pop machine, his shaking hands failed to put the change into the slot several times. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath to focus, like he was an Olympic swimmer. He put the change in and slammed one of the choices. He started to chug. He fell into the chair, and placed his new taste next to the bottle of the old one. He crossed his arms and thanked god for pop.

The two men talked on the motel and if Ennis had seen anyone else in their stay. Ennis told him of Anthony Curtis, but could give little clues to Townsky. "He said he was fat and balding. I asked him if, if, I-if he knew 'bout…" Ennis said as he motioned with his hand towards himself and some invisible Jack next to him that meant _us. _"I t-think ya should check Anthony Curtis out, afore I do." Ennis's voice was grave. He looked straight into Townsky's eyes and glared. "'Cause if I found out he did somethin' ta Jack…" Ennis shook his head slowly, and leaned back into his chair. "I don't know what I'll do."

Townsky nodded, and told Ennis that he would get the semen and hair samples tested to look for a match. He thanked Ennis, shook his hand and left the room. Ennis breathed for the first time, all of it had ended so quickly, much to his liking. He took a quick sip of his drink and placed it back in its spot. He couldn't accept all he just said to the sheriff. He felt cold rising in his chest, slowly and painfully as if even god wanted him to hurt. _What if he tells someone? What if…they come again? _Ennis was no coward but there was always the handful of things that made his pants wet, his throat tighten and his body spin.

_Ennis remembered running in a great wood. His heart going a mile a minute, pounding in his chest, paining his descent. The forest was dark and planted with trees randomly, some got in his path, he nearly ran into the mighty oaks. He had quick feet and the ability to think quickly too. He tripped numberless times though, but jumped right up; for he was being pursued. The shadows scared him, the tears fell on his face, as he clenched as his young chest. He couldn't stop, the footsteps behind him made sure of it. He could feel KE's breathe on his neck, sending chills up his spine and cries to the air. Then he was pushed. He fell and fell till he hit the leafy ground behind him. He would try to get back up, but he would feel the foot on his back, so he crawled. He didn't make it too far. KE kicked a side of his chest, sending a sudden avalanche of yells and ache in the forest. It echoed through woods and it reached the outside world where nobody was caring to look for Ennis Del Mar. He was only thirteen at the time. He felt KE lifting up his shirt violently. Ennis screamed and screamed; he couldn't fight back; KE was too strong and too determined. The strong grasp on his pants froze his heart. More yells were greeted with a right hand. Then the penetration. Ennis's eyes fell the whole time; he didn't make a sound when KE had entered him. He never did; he let the pain consume his future and the rest of the past. Everyone that looked at him could tell, so he looked at no one, till Jack. He let it hurt him enough that he almost craved it. He knew it was a sickness, but couldn't tell anyone. KE threatened to permanently dunk his head under the nearby lake; another fear of Ennis's, a fear of drowning. Ennis's head was pasted down that day. He never made eye contact, he never talked. Now when he heard KE's calls, he just sat still, and when he came into view, he would lay down for him. He was a battered soul that thought no happiness would ever knock on his door. Many nights he cried in his pillow, sometimes softly, sometimes aloud. His excuse was nightmares, but he never had nightmares as a young teen. It was a fabrication that he made to hide the real truth._

Ennis let the thick tear fall down his cheek and then plummet into his collar. He never told anyone that part of his past. He was embarrassed to have become accustomed and obsessed with KE's trials in the wood, or on his bed. But KE wasn't Jack. Jack would kiss him; KE did not. KE was his brother, who took advantage and helped shoot the glass of Ennis Del Mar. Ennis wiped the tears now, glad that he was alone. He loved the solitude, only Jack's company did he want most of the time. Ennis stared at a rather knot in the table and examined how it resembled a belly button; Jack's belly button. Ennis shook himself; _Yer becoming obsessed with this man. _

Ennis came alive when he heard a creak from the door behind him. He hurriedly turned to look at Dr. Clinck. He released a deep breath and he shocked at Clinck's masculine jaw and pretty dark eyes and brown hair. Wow, he finally realized his was very handsome. Ennis reddened, and looked away. "Ah, good the sheriff is gone. Time ta get some rest or whatever else you see fit." He motioned for Ennis to get up, and follow him. "You can stay here fer the night, and sleep in the lounge or the waiting room, or in Jack's room." Ennis darted a look at his face.

"Why would I wanna sleep in Jack's room, huh?" Ennis's paranoia was seeking through. They stopped in the vivid hall. Clinck sat a hand on Ennis's shoulder; Ennis winced on the unwanted touch.

"Whatever you don't want me to know, I guessed on my own." Ennis gasped, all the color in his face fell to the floor. He felt sick; he wanted to run to the bathroom and puke up every thought if Clinck, but the Jack part of him told him to stay. Jack fucking Twist. He moved uneasily under Clinck's hand, looking at his jaw, not his eyes. He breathed out a crooked breath, and waited for the doctor to say something, something to make him happy. The only thing that would make him happy was if Clinck smiled and said _Jack Twist has waken from his slumber and is calling your name dearly. He doesn't sound mad at all, though you just fucked Marla hard, and though you won't admit it, it felt damn good. Than again when you're drunk, everyone would feel good._ Clinck's voice woke him from his panic, here it came.

"Its alright." He leaned in closer to Ennis; who took a step back, not wanting his face that close to anyone's but Jack's. The doctor rolled his eyes and repeated his words, grabbing Ennis's shoulder a little tighter. "Its alright, I'm your friend. I have no hate against…your kind." The doctor looked away at the words _your kind. _He rubbed his neck like it hurt to say the words. Ennis gleamed at him, then tried to relax more, but the bathroom was all too inviting. Clinck removed his hand from Ennis's shoulder, and smiled. "So what's up, do you want to sleep here…with Jack, or do you have other plans?" Ennis shrugged as a nurse walked by; thank god she was reading something. He leaned to Clinck and whispered, voice full of fear.

"P-please put your voice down. I can't handle anymore… _h-hate_." He looked down again. He spoke to his feet, softly and vague. "I'm gonna head back to the Bates Motel. We got one good day left there, mise well not waste it. Our belongin's are there too" Ennis cleared his throat. "Can I say goodbye to J-jack first?" Clinck nodded happily. They headed to Jack's dark room, how unwelcoming it looked from down the hall.

The clipboard was still in place under the door. Ennis smiled at it, thinking how, if Jack was still out, it was a worthless idea. Ennis unwedged the clipboard and placed it in its pocket on the wall. He inhaled, and put his hand on the door to give it a push. Light lifted the room, and it found its way to Jack's face. He still slept, oh how his face looked rugged. All the bruises were seen from afar, Jack's face looked like he was randomly splattered with purple paint. Ennis frowned, feeling his heart give way. He only wished for Jack to see him before he left. He sniffed up a early blooming tear that fell, and slowly slouched to the bed. He could see Clinck's shadow pasted on it; he couldn't have him witness the affection Ennis was about to show. Ennis gracefully half-turned to Clinck.

"Can you, um…?" Clinck embarrassingly nodded and smiled. He walked out of the frame of the door; his shadow left Jack's bed, giving Ennis a relieved smile. He maintained his way to Jack's face, sweating all the way. Jack's heart monitor, beeping normally, gave the way Ennis moved a dancing flare. His eyes did not tell him Jack was near, his fingers did. Ennis softly rubbed Jack's arm up and down to the wrist. His warm touch made Ennis believe he could give Jack pleasure without sex. He wiped sweat from his head, and exhaled acutely. His fingers graced the rosebuds, how thick and beautiful they were. Ennis leaned in and kissed those rosebuds. Their sugary taste and fragrance brought tears in his eyes and peace to his heart. He sniffed up more tears, and felt the strength leaving him; Jack had that effect on him. The peaceful look on Jack's eyelids, and how they seemed so untouched by the pain that was afflicted on the other parts of his face, made Ennis kiss them too. The eyelashes tickled his nose, giving him some kind of hope; _it would be all right, it would be all right. _He slowly strolled to the door, his shadow covered Jack's body now, no light illuminating him; how appropriate. If only he had lingered by Jack's head just five seconds later. Jack had opened an eye and saw Ennis in the doorway. He called his name softly, like a whisper, or a whisper of a whisper. Ennis left the room, thinking about the wonderful second that Jack would wake; if he only knew it was that second.

Clinck left Jack's door open, propping it with the clipboard. This time it was open enough to slap Jack with light on his face and body, light he needed to wake. Clinck and Ennis made their way to the main lobby. There were the glass doors, revealing the sun outside. Ennis couldn't believe it was only 4:30. He thought it was unfair that he had to be awake for more hours, thinking about Jack, and how he betrayed him. He let his eyes stare into the sun as Dr. Clinck spoke a farewell.

"That shirt…" Ennis jumped, how rude was he to steal the shirt? He went to take it off right there on the sidewalk near the ambulance lane. He grabbed the hemline and lifted it; his defined chest, and chest hair was revealed to all who cared to look. At the base of his pants, even a small bush of pubic hair showed. Clinck felt his own throat swell, his face reddened and his pants shrank. "No, Ennis, I was saying that you c-could keep it." He smiled a nervous smile of admiration, or was it desire? Ennis thanked him, blushing himself, and happily shook his hand.

"I'll be back in the mornin' ta…check on Jack." Ennis grinned again; his pearly whites gave Clinck a thank you smile. They quickly parted ways, Ennis left to Jack's truck, shaking his head at the busted window, and rubbing his bandaged fist. He swiped off the bits of glass that was on his seat, and then jumped on it. He grabbed the keys in his pocket and started the engine, with must trouble; it hurt to bend his hand. The truck roared for its territory and took off, Bates motel waiting in the sunset. It would be a nice ride, only ten minutes long. Ennis gave the hospital one last look as he drove out of the parking lot. He grooved the high towers, and the fascinating windows, that seemed to wink at him. His eyes fell upon Dr. Clinck, still standing in the spot that he had left him at. Ennis grimaced, but shook it off. _He was a nice fella. _

The wind blew in from the broken window and washed the truck, giving Ennis a reason to breathe. Some more glass pieces fell on Ennis, but he ignored them, even as they scratched his face, drawing some blood. His eyes were gleaming again; he couldn't help it, that's what Jack did to him. Jack was the most important person in his life, and hopefully he was the same for Jack. He would look in his eyes of sky, and love every moment of air that reached his lungs. He loved Jack, truly he did, and now he knew Jack had to hear it. Ennis forced himself to ignore the bar, but hunger struck him like a deer. He swiftly pulled into _Casey's Joint. _He felt the heat on his face; he was going to go in there with a yellow shirt on. _God, just put a target on my back! _He jumped out of the truck, and dug in his pocket for his wallet. He still had a good amount of money left, from what he got from Aguirre. He didn't bother to count it, just waltzed on in to the diner. Nicole Casey greeted him at her cash register with a look of compassion. Her beautiful green eyes innocently guided around Ennis's worn face and body. She noticed the speckled blood on his cheek and offered a napkin.

"What's this for?"

"Um, yer cheek, Ennis."

"Ah, thanks ya-wait a minute, how didja know my name?"

"A Marla Johnson told me. She's a good friend of the family. She says she was with you last night and told me all about it. She told me how you were taking yer friend somewhere, but than I remembered you came here and asked me for the directions to the hospital." Ennis scowled at all this stranger knew. _God, just paint queer on my forehead!_ He didn't want anyone else to know. He listened to Nicole's telling, as he planted himself on a wobbly stool. "She told me you live with someone name Jack? Is this fella's last name happen ta be Twist? Jack Twist?" Ennis's heart skipped four beats. He looked the girl in her inquisitive eyes. Was she psychic, or was he finally losing his mind?

"How do you know h-his last name is Twist?"

"He came in here yesterday morning, when I was on my mornin' shift. We had a nice talk." Ennis remembered the pancakes, finally it all made sense. "I guess you were the extra pancake and coffee." She rolled her eyes. "Well, it was he who you took to the hospital? Is he okay?" Ennis felt the comfortable leave him right when he thought his mood was going a little bit better. His throat refused to be used, so he just nodded.

"Is he okay, what happened?"

"He, um…yeah he's okay, he's stable. I just got back from there actually. He was beaten up by some spineless bastards for being…for being' a Jew." Nicole gasped and put her hand on Ennis's hand. "I'm so sorry, yer a good friend." Ennis silently let himself go, only show a tear to anyone outside of his mind. _Thanks. _"Whatever you want, I'll get it for you fer free." Ennis nodded his head, _that's nice of ya. _Someone was being nice to him now, at last.

He wasn't subtle on Nicole's offer of paying for everything. He ordered three pieces of apple pie, two cups of coffee, which she had to make since it was about 5:00 pm. He also got a nice, juicy hamburger. He shoved it all down, oh how it felt good to be self-indulging. He burped, and excused himself. He looked at the less than excited expression Nicole was using as he said he was ready to get off. She rallied up all the food cost and realized that Ennis ate twenty bucks worth of diner food. She grimaced, knowing she promised to pay it for him. Ennis looked at Nicole, and then a light hit him. He was looking at Jack; an unhappy young kid that wanted more than what god had given them. He saw how she moved, so Jack-like. She talked with the same energy as Jack. Her eyes were Jack's but green. He couldn't let her pay it all. He tossed twenty-five dollars on the counter as he got up to leave.

"What's this for? I said I'd pay it." Man was she determined to prove herself.

"I'm giving you a tip." Ennis nodded and winked at her. A huge smile bloomed on her face, like a daisy. "See you some other time."

"See'ya, tell Jack I hope he makes a full recovery."

Ennis departed the diner, driving at a good pace. Not to fast, not too slow, just perfect. He took the bloodied napkin from his pocket and wiped his face with it, the blood never seemed to stop flowing. He looked at it in disgust and tossed it out the window. He felt happiness inside himself. It flickered at first when he was saying goodbye to Dr. Clinck, but now it was like nothing happened even happened to Jack. Like he was about to see him and kiss him. He almost felt excited; he was full of some unknown energy that rose to the root of his mouth. He sang to himself for the two-mile drive. Of course it didn't take his mind off of Jack, but he wasn't quite as upset anymore; till he saw the motel.

It came around the bend, jumping out at him like a phantom. Its old yellow outerwear, and its blue doors made it feel almost safe, and lonely. Ennis sighed and parked next to a cop car in the parking lot._ Townsky must be doing his investigation._ Ennis gazed in the car to see if an officer was inside. No one was, he frowned, and exited Jack's tin can. He was a foot away room 17 when another door close by opened. Ennis glanced to his left as sheriff Townsky was coming out of room 10. He glanced at Ennis and smiled. "Ah, good yer here." They shook hands again. Townsky led Ennis to room 10 slowly, how this room changed his life.

"Have ya found Anthony Curtis yet?"

"Nah, he's gone at the moment, but don't worry, we'll find him and interrogate." Ennis could hear the false confidence in the man. He threw that thought away instantly; one can't be a pessimist all the time. They reached the morbid room; Ennis could smell the blood and ridicule a mile away. He stopped at the doorway, not wanting to go inside.

"C-can I stay out here?" His voice was shaky, his eyes were squinting. The room secretly scared him, making him quiver, making him ache. He thought of the men holding Jack down. Knowing Jack he had fought back, or tried to. He thought of the men putting themselves on Jack, the anger outweighed the fear. Townsky nodded at Ennis, knowing he didn't want to relive any damage. Ennis turned his back from the door, and waited for the cop to reemerge. He did seconds later with a back full of clothes; Jack's clothes.

"I need these to test. I think more semen samples are present, see if they match the ones I already have, try to get a head count." His smile faded, he noticed Ennis's large eyes and empty look. He grabbed Ennis's shoulder. "Young man, everything is going to be okay." Ennis didn't believe it now. He was a pessimist by heart, going back to his real blood. He nodded his head and watched as Townsky wobbled to his car, got in and drove off. Finally, alone.

Ennis quickly closed the door to room 10, covering his mouth as he did. He deeply sighed; he just wanted to go to sleep now. He slouched to his room and opened the door. He slammed it shut, and locked it; not taking any chances. The room was mainly the same as he left it, except a strategically placed piece of paper on the bed. Ennis rolled his eyes, knowing Marla was probably bitchin' at him. He grabbed the paper, and took it close.

_Ennis,_

_Fuck you, I can't believe u used me!_

_I placed this on the bed because I know you will have another woman_

_By midnight. I wish you all the best, as you were the best, but I hope your fag friend burns in hell!_

_Love_

_Marla_

Faggot friend? Trashed. He threw it in the garbage like a baseball pitcher. He felt the fury engulf his inner self. He thought it was all coming back to peace, but that damn Marla ruined it. Ennis fell back on the bed, just wanting to sleep, but he doubted the chances, because of Jack's absence. He felt like puking again, he felt like dying again. He wanted his fists to hit wall, and he wanted them to hit flesh. He wanted to take a shower.

The hot water steamed on his young body, dancing along the cracks and massaging his aching back. He moved the soap over his arms and over his chest; the soft liquid cleaned its way to his privates. He washed them too, not neglecting to cuff them, or show them affection either. He was a shower person; the hot steaming paradise raining down was the best feeling in the world. Jack and Ennis had talked about bathing together, but Ennis wouldn't allow it. Too much sensuality, he would probably have a heart attack. No, it was just another excuse, now he had to picture Jack bathing with him in his mind. He had to think of Jack's touch on his ass, or balls or cock. He had to imagine Jack's rub on his back or his nibbles on his neck. The heat, the warmth was enough for him to blow. He came in his hand, Jack had helped him again. The new hot liquid did little more but scorch Ennis's longing, and depression. He smiled and continued to wash his cut body.

No shirt? He could put his jeans back on, since they only had a few blood droplets on them. He didn't want to wear the yellow shirt. He looked at it sitting on the bed, mocking him. _It's a queer shirt._ Sure it was clean, but the color was just too much for Ennis, and what would Jack think of it? Ennis put his hands on his hips and sighed, so Jack-like. "Jack has some shirts, I'm sure. That will be a big surprise, show up with his clothes on." Ennis chuckled, and grabbed Jack's suitcase from the floor. He placed it on the bed and hastily unzipped it. _Oh god…_

He saw the two shirts as one, the simple beauty was overwhelming. It knocked Ennis back to the level of a thirteen year old, confused of what and who he was and what and who he loved. He clamped his hand to his mouth and let out a sharp cry from his gut. He closed his eyes; he couldn't look anymore at the angel shrine. He felt the bitter winter bite his heart and tear a piece from him. He gasped for air, and found none. He fell on his knees like a ton of bricks, grasping the two shirts as one. He felt the thick texture, how it made him reminisce the love, the beauty, the passion.


	12. Unforgiving

**Author's Notes: **_Sorry for the long wait. This chapter has had many rewrites, and I think I got it down finally. This begins right where the other one left off; Ennis clutching the two shirts._

Chapter 12

Unforgiving

The soft texture was his pillow, his utopia, his dream. Ennis rubbed its sleeves and its collar trying to get some counsel from its owner that was aloneing him. The tears drowned his desire to speak, his desire to move, his desire to live. He was a mess on the bed, staring into the oblivion. The window blinded Ennis's eyes, not that he wanted to look out it anyway. He couldn't breathe without thinking of Jack, thinking of Jack's pain. As if he was being possessed, every inhale stung like a bullet, and every blink was filled with mockery and guilt. Ennis Del Mar had cried more in the last three days then most people do in their lifetimes. It was god's way of punishing him and Jack; they're gay, they must be sad. There was no way around it, how would they _work? _The world was too naive and too bitter, and too young to let them be happy. The tears stopped as the rain came.

Ennis reluctantly sat up; his festering mind had new life. He wiped away the droplets that was heavying his spirits, and darkening his existence; they were cold on his bare arm. Ennis deeply in took air as the rain splashed against the window, creating a nice sound to relax to. Ennis examined the two shirts, they were one on the bed, watching his every move. He opened deep inside himself and grabbed some happiness, sending out a silent smile. He thought how clever Jack was for taking his shirt, and how he thought they would never see each other again after Brokeback. Now Jack was a _bloody mess_ in a hospital not so far away, and Ennis was a _crying whore. _He laughed at the words he used to describe himself. He wasn't much of a crier, but Jack's opening of his heart placed a preserved place on his eyelashes for tears to gather; waiting to strike.

Ennis slowly grabbed the shoulders of the Jack's blue shirt and lifted it up, making sure he had a hold of his own as well. He smelled Jack from afar; the fragrance of him was his hair, his sweat, and his breath. Ennis's pants were tightening, he began to perspire rapidly. He rubbed the shirt's buttons and half-smiled, half-cried, at its simplicity. He knew what he had to do. He placed his arm in its sleeve, then the other in its own one. He pulled both shirts on; working them out till they fit as perfect as possible. He smiled and placed his cowboy hat on his head. It was about 6:30 and nothing to do but to think about Jack, which never got boring.

Ennis laid back on the bed and onto the coldness of the shirts, as they hadn't been on anyone in days. He sniffed and snorted openly for a couple minutes, enjoying the view of the ceiling. The rain wanted to put him asleep, but he fought the power. His face was full of smile for one reason or another. Usually Ennis Del Mar didn't smile when WWIII was in his head, but he felt some energy from Jack's resonate voice echoing in his mind. _Ennis, love me, Ennis, protect me, Ennis, fuck me._

He sat up faster than a scared pooch in a lightning storm. He panted quick and sharp. Ennis grasped his chest, and heaved.

The front of the bed was splashed with chunks of hamburger and some liquid. One, then two more levels came out of him. He gasped for oxygen aloud, as the rain swallowed the sound and put it in its special place. He covered his mouth as more came; it hurt like fire down an ice throat. This time, there was blood. He looked at the crimson fluid on his hand and half-grimaced, half-inhaled. Ennis gingerly got up from his sit, and, avoiding the puke, stepped into the bathroom.

He slammed the light on, sending a pain in his hand. He cursed, and then glanced at the Ennis looking back at him. This Ennis had some partially digested burger on his mouth, and some new blood on his shirt. Ennis couldn't look at himself; he turned away from the mirror and sat on the wet side of the tub. He started to breathe functionally, _what a day. _He wiped his sweating scalp, and grabbed his used towel from the toilet. He dabbed at the leftovers around his lips, hands and shirt. When cleansed, he tossed the towel aside and sighed. Marla, that's why he sickened. The wonderful soft words of Jack resurrected photos in Ennis's head of Marla, her loose body, and her big breasts, begging for more, even after three goings, more times than he ever did with Jack consecutively. Ennis tried to push it all away. He slammed his hand to his head; misery and humiliation shocked his body till he was just a coat of a man. Damn Marla, if only he wasn't drunk, if only he wasn't sad, if only Jack was with him, like a guardian angel, sitting on his shoulder. Alcohol kills Ennis's inner Jack every time.

Ennis sat in deep self-loathing for a good ten minutes. He then came alive; when, through the rapid rain, and the voices in his head, he heard a car drive in; Curtis. He ignored the blood on the light switch, and clicked it without paying much attention. His face was blank, as he floated across the small room and to the window, heart pounding like a tiger in a cage. Its slippery surface and cold attitude touched his face and sang him a song. Through the looking glass he witnessed two smeared shapes in the far rain, near a car. One was what could be a fat, balding man in a raincoat with no hood. _Curtis, that bastard._ Ennis fought the urge to make the puddles run red, and maintained his spying on Curtis and one of the teenagers he was talking to. Ennis shook with anger; he had to get closer, get his hand around the _fat lump_, feel the his breath slowly stop, and die. He was lifted with extreme valor when Curtis and the other ran towards the motel. Ennis guessed Anthony made his way to the office and the boy to room 10; damn that room.

Ennis moved like the lightning outside of the door. He gathered all his and Jack's belongings and placed them next to the door. He counted and made sure everything was in order._ Okay, Jack's nice suitcase, filled with his nice clothes, and my shitty bag, filled with less than. _Ennis smiled at the collection, finishing it off with his cowboy hat on his head, the room key and the two glass plates; _never know when we could be eating on the go._ He put a hand on the doorknob and turned it. He was greeted with an incredible gust of wind that nearly blew him over. The cool air filled his lungs and watered his eyes; perfect moment of serenity. He grabbed the belongings with one arm and ran to the truck. The rain felt like little bits of paradise on his hot chest and back. He threw the stuff on the front seat, and closed the door. He wiped his brow of humidity, and tasted the sweet rain on his lips. Jack was in that thought too. Ennis carried himself to the office, finally face to face with Anthony Curtis.

His beady eyes looked at Ennis with false courage, as he entered the minute office, full of wet. Ennis took a glance on the man's face, and forced a very crooked, false smile. For a brief moment their eyes connected, sending engrossing fear to one man and blundering illness to the other. They already secretly hated each other with strength of twenty men. Ennis watched as Curtis twitched in his chair, shaking his knee, putting his tail between his legs. Ennis made a lunge at the desk like he was about to pounce on him. Anthony fell back, almost off his chair, with his hands over his eyes. When nothing happened he put down his eyes to reveal Ennis standing there, smiling his smile. He slammed the room key on the desk. The clang made the big manager jump, and swallow something in his throat. He looked at Ennis with eyes of horror. What was he going to do? Anything would be justified by what Anthony did to him that morning. Another swallow and the wipe of a brow before words were spoken.

"I heard what happened to the misses, you got my sympathy," Anthony said with a vindictive smile. He crossed his arms like a job well down, but it was most definitely the wrong thing to say. Ennis had been flooded with the pain of the last twenty-fours hours. It moved to his head, then to his feet, then in his hand. He backhanded Curtis, exorcising blood, a girlish yell, and a tooth from the fat man.

"If you _even _come near me or…Jack, then I'll stick my cowboy boots straight up that pleasure-taking ass of yours, ya hear me?" Curtis spat on the floor, holding his sore cheek. He half-turned to Ennis, eyes full of accepting and shock, and replied with a simple nod. Ennis tipped his tan cowboy hat, wished Curtis a good day and blasted out of the room, breathing in the fresh air of the spent storm.

A night next to Jack was promising. He jumped in the truck and started the dying metal mule. He took one last look at the motel, how pathetic it looked, and how easily he could of drove right into the building, hopefully causing his own death, and the death of Curtis and that damn teenager. Nah, that was silly. He wanted to taste Jack one last time before he would go kill himself in a fit of rage. He shook off the thought, but froze when he saw the door of room 10 abruptly open. Out came the young boy, moving like a dancer. His arrogant eyes fell on Ennis staring at him from the truck. _Did that lil' piece of shit mess with Jack too? _Not risking it, Ennis gave him the finger, smiled than drove off to see his wizard.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack blinked several times, before realizing he was in an unknown room, in an unknown bed. His eyes were still blurry; he reached up and comforts them with his soft fists. As he rubs he feels the first sting of pain, he had stirred his black eye. He yelled, pain tingling all around. Where the fuck was he? Jack heard the unforgettable beeping, and the annoying intercom, he was unarguably in a hospital. Jack had been in one several times for rodeoing; he was use to the noises. Where was Ennis? He remembered seeing him here right before he fell back asleep, but now? With Marla, no doubt. Just thinking about that made him sick.

Jack tried his hardest to sit himself up, but couldn't. His arms felt like dead weight, attached to a battered body. He wouldn't give up; too god damn stubborn; that word made him think of Ennis. He collapsed on the bed and bit his fists. The tears came ruggedly through his eyes, hurting like hell-fire. _Why, Ennis, why? What did I do? What…did…I do? _He stopped crying, a familiar face came into the door, just in his sight.

Ennis had heard it all, and through his coffee eyes, Jack saw sorrow. No tears yet, but Jack didn't want to wait. He pushed himself right up, ignoring the ripping sting from his ribs, and embraced Ennis. "Oh god, Jack, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." The tears were drowning his words. Jack felt a ushering relieve from Ennis's tough touch. He shushed Ennis's blubbering, sending tender from a wounded angel.

"I was wondering when you were going to show yer pretty eyes to me, Jack." Ennis smiled melancholically against Jack's shoulder. Those words upset Jack; he couldn't fight back the expired tears.

"You bet your thick head I was dreaming 'bout you. God, I feel like shit, now." He sniffed, and brought Ennis to eye level. "I miss you even while I slept. I knew you weren't here, I could feel it in my gut." The awkward kiss was miraculous, Ennis had to stop himself from jumping onto Jack and doing what he never had done before. They slowly, unwillingly broke the hold; both faked a smile in a moment of nervous.

"But, I _was_ here Jack. I had ta leave. I was gonna spend the night at the motel, but I got to thinkin' about you, so I hightailed it here, but not without giving Curtis a word-it was him, right? That…" He couldn't continue, his face turned a deep white. He looked away from Jack, and bit his finger; to stop the tears. Jack touched his shoulder and told him that he didn't want to talk about that.

"What 'bout you, are you 'kay?" Ennis scratched his neck, eyeing Jack's covered legs.

"Yeah, I'm fine, they put a thing called a binder on my chest, so I don't upset my ribs no more. Wanna see it?"

"Sure." Jack lifted the blanket off of his chest. He grabbed Ennis's hand and pulled it to his ribs. "You f-feel that, Ennis? That's it, it's like a giant rope that's rapped around my body, not too fun, though."

"I thought you were going to show me." Ennis smiled and pulled up on Jack's hospital gown. The ice gown massaged up Jack's leg and finally across his chest. There was a tan gauze-like pad on Jack's chest. Too bad the blanket was covering the rest of Jack's lower half. Ennis, without even thinking, leaned in and kissed his bare nipple. He felt Jack tremble under him; maybe it was too much intimacy at the moment. His chest was battered through hell. A bruise was around every muscle, and every corner, it just ripped Ennis apart, but he could keep it inside this time. Ennis stared at the pubic hair sticking out of the blanket. He felt arousal coming, but he was in no condition to fuck. I doubt Jack was either, would sex for them ever be the same again? Ennis unwillingly pulled Jack's gown back down, than sat back in the chair.

"Jack, I missed the shit outta you. I couldn't stop thinking about ya." Ennis blushed and watched Jack's face, smile, and chuckle. "I was wonderin', did those fucks get you when yer were runnin'?" Jack grimaced.

"Ennis, I toldja, I don't-." He stopped himself, remembering Marla again, and noticing Ennis was wearing the two shirts as one. He felt a sudden rise of shock, tears, and sadness; Ennis found the shirts at last. He went to speak, but was blown over by the image of Ennis's naked body on Marla's playing over and over in his mind. He felt more pain coming from his stomach, and then nodded. "I guess we _do_ need to talk about it."

By his voice, Ennis knew he knew. He turned his whole body towards Jack, putting his hand on his own, lying on the bed. Jack pushed his hand off, denying Ennis for the first time. Ennis felt the rejection as it bit into his center apple, pumping blood to his head. He opened his mouth to start the grieving, but Jack raised his hand.

"Now, listen, Ennis, I wanna tell you what I know, and what I've seen and felt this last day afore you get to apologizing." Ennis drooped his head, and felt the cold chills arising. Jack sat his hand back down, and began.

"I was runnin' my heart out, Ennis, 'cause you not meaning what you said really killed me inside. I felt like a child in the snow, and I had to do somethin'. I only thought of you while I ran, I wanted to see you later that night, be held in your arms, and you c-could warm me from the cold rain." Jack laughed sadly, and put his hands up to his mouth to stop a cry. He dropped his hands when he realized he could control himself. "Well, I ran so much I puked several times, I felt like dieing last night, even afore…. Well, anyways, I made it to the motel, and, and the passenger door ta my truck was open." Ennis slammed his eyes on the floor, looking for something to gawk at. Marla was so much in lust, that she had nearly dragged a drunken Ennis out of the truck and, with his half-baked directions, made it to the room. "I thought nothin' real of it, but I was a tad worried fer ya, Ennis. Hoping someone hadn't hurt you. So I made my way to the room. I stopped dead in front of the door and the noises; yer noises, the noises I hear when I'm with you. Well I took a peek inside the room and saw it." Jack wiped a quick tear, sniffed some more up. He took a look at Ennis through red eyes. Ennis refused to look him in the face, ignoring it till Jack told him to look up. Ennis began to shake at the look on Jack's face. His blue eyes were dark, surrounded by the red sea. His face, minus the bruises, was pale as paint, and he nervously frowned, he was a piece of china on a cliff. "You killed me that second. I slept outside that night; just to be woke by Anthony Curtis standing ahead a me, with my license. He was pissed off that I signed in the motel as _Jack Del Mar." _Jack smiled, and heaved some air into his lungs. "Well, ya know the rest, him and some young fellas threw me on a bed and…I was _screaming_ for you, Ennis, but you were deaf to me."

Ennis pictured it all, men doing what he only did to Jack, and Jack yelling for him. His chest hurt, he felt anger, and depraved. He shattered on the floor, and grabbed Jack's arm and kissed it.

"Jack, please don't hate me, please, please, Jack, no more, I was drunk as a skunk, I was drunk as a skunk." Ennis's voice was a near yell, reaching Jack's pain, eliminating it.

"Ennis, ENNIS! I don't hate y-you, I will never hate you…I _love_ you, Ennis. I just want you, ta, ta hold me, I need to know that yer mine and only mine." Ennis wordlessly grabbed him gracefully in his arms, making sure not to upset his ribs. He cried into Jack's hair, as Jack cried on his shoulder. They swung back and forth, waiting for something else to ruin the moment.

"Jack, d-do ya forgive me, Jack?" Ennis asked after several minutes. He talked into his hair, feeling his own position change with his words. Jack stopped rocking, and sniffed some tears. His voice came wet and somewhat blizzardish.

"No, Ennis, I don't forgive you…but I want ya to know that I love you, and you can always turn to me, even when its me 'n' you that's arguin'. Forgiveness will come later when…you can tell me-." Ennis felt awkwardness in his chest; the thought of speaking those words to Jack was scandalous. He started to rock Jack back and forth again, trying to wake up from the peaceful nightmare.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"His ribs will be completely healed in about three weeks," Dr. Clinck began. He stood before the men with a clipboard, and glasses on his fine face. "Usually, it would take longer but Jack's in good health. Good news, though, he can leave in two." He smirked at Ennis, forcing him to look down.

"Thanks, for everythin' doctor. I jus' don't know what I'm gonna do with myself during his stay here." Ennis slouched and admired Clinck's shoes. "Well, though I'll definitely see him everyday, what can I do to, to spend the time? Me and him will drive each other up the wall if I'm here all the time." Ennis stared back at a sleeping Jack; it was 7:30 PM, a day later.

"Well, you can always go to Mount Rushmore, it's not a far drive. If you have gas money that is." Clinck looked on, enthusiastically. Ennis frowned.

"Well, I don't wanna do anything like that without Jack beside me. He got some money from his mama, but I wouldn' feel right taking it without his permission. He looks awfully tired now-."

"Ennis, he's always going to look awfully tired, he's probably physically and emotionally exhausted. You should ask him."

"Okay, dad, I will." Ennis smirked and turned to Jack, his sleeping beauty. He grabbed his cold hand, not feeling embarrassed for some reason, as Clinck looked on. He rubbed his thumb up Jack's hand, till his fair face moved. He opened one sky eye, it instantly fell on Ennis.

"Hey, bud."

"Yeah" yawn "nice to see you," Jack said. His eyes were so mellow; they twisted Ennis's guts and neglected to let go, even when Ennis tried to speak.

"I was gonna head out and get some food, and…I was wondering if I could use yer money, Jack?" Ennis looked away, oh no, death by asking for money, what a way to die. Jack reached up and grabbed Ennis's ear affectionately, and pulled.

"Sure, ya can, I know you've starved yerself, having me as dead weight."

"You, you ain't dead weight, Jack, but thanks, I am starving, and the treat machines just aren't cutting it." He grinned, lost in Jack's divine eyes again. He didn't notice Clinck side step outside, and he denied Jack a kiss. "Not, in front of the doctor, Jack, sorry."

"I don't see no doctor." Before Ennis could turn towards the door, Jack grabbed him and swallowed him whole, giving him his strength, and will to play it all through, play it all through. Ennis broke away as Jack fell back to a nice slumber, man how darling he looked on the bed. He was like a child, Ennis wanted to hold him like one forever. His heart loosened, as he remembered carrying Jack like that yesterday morning. Jack's naked body in his arms, with not sex on his mind, but life, how he thought the angel in his sky was dieing, leaving him alone in the pit of despair.

Ennis exited the room, holding his head down in sadness. Clinck met him, not wearing his uniform, but normal clothes; jeans and a plaid shirt. He must have took a trip to the employee locker room

"My shift ended a hour ago, I was waiting for you to ask me along fer some food." Ennis shocked, looked at him.

"No, um…I, need sometime to myself," Ennis said, looking down again. He blushed and laid himself against the hall wall.

"It's not like a date, Ennis," Clinck said suddenly. Ennis blushed more, and softly kicked the wall behind him. "Its not good to be alone in tragedies."

"Tragedies? Jack will be okay, everything…will be okay." He had trouble believing that himself. He looked down the hall, no one was near enough to hear, he reached and pulled Jack's door close. "Alright, but, but I'm so worried 'bout Jack."

"We can talk about it in Sturgis."

"Sturgis? Where's tha'?"

"It's about a forty-five minute drive from here."

"Forty-five minutes?" Ennis repeated. He didn't want to be that far away from Jack, but Clinck was a nice guy, and no matter what Ennis thought, Clinck did say it wasn't a date. Ennis had eyes only for Jack, but the doctor was all right. "Okay, lets go for some dinner." They walked a distance from each other, heading towards the exit of the soaring hospital of white and age. Ennis couldn't help but look back at Jack's door, _hope he's okay._

Ennis stopped to get the money from Jack's truck, but they drove in Clinck's Ford Flacon. Ennis felt mighty uncomfortable in the nice car. The squishy seats didn't help much. _How rich was this fella? I'm sure he has a nice wife, and nice kids. _Ennis wanted to ask several questions, but shook his head at most of them. _You're queer, aren't ya, Clinck, _he wanted to ask, but instead he asked his first name.

"It's Alex, Alex Clinck, named after my dad. I suppose yer named after your dad too?"

"Nah, he was a George, George Del Mar." The name put shivers up his body, and once dormant thoughts into his head.

"Don't like your dad much?" God, Clinck was a psychic.

"No, but he was my father, and to him, what he did, was okay, so I respect that, I guess." Ennis shifted in his seat, letting the air swing across his face as night approached.

"Yours dead too? Mine died sixteen years ago. My mother raised me, which is good, because she let me be myself, and I wouldn' be a doctor if my dad was around, and I wouldn' of met you, Ennis." Ennis froze, the red slammed his face, and anxiety flooded his throat.

"How old are you, ah, Alex?" He bit his nail, and reddened even more.

"Twenty-eight."

"So your still kinda fresh out of college?"

"Yeah, college was fun." Ennis bet it was too. He had at one time wanted to go to college, but he didn't get around to finishing high school, damn money problems.

"You…you have a wife, Clinck?" Ennis squinted his eyes; finally he got that question out.

"No, I'm still a virgin." Ennis died. He couldn't breathe, it was too much. His heart raced up and down in his chest, wishing for Jack. How sweet, Alex was untouched, but Ennis couldn't believe how such a handsome man was pure. He quickly threw that thought of his mind.

"Jack w-w-was my first." He slammed his hand over his mouth. _Shut up Del Mar, it ain't none of his damn business, the tire irons are getting warmed up_. Alex nodded.

"Yer both lucky to have each other."

"Lucky, or resourceful," Ennis said, full of sarcasm.

"What, you don't love him?"

"I'm, sorry, but that ain't none of yer business." Ennis threw it out before he could think.

"Okay, sorry, I was just wondering."

"Its okay, I'm just not used to this yet." Would it ever end! He was opening up with Clinck almost as much as he did with Jack. God, the new images of Alex sitting on his cock, working it like a champ, tightened around Ennis's neck, and pants. They talked no more till they got to a restaurant.


	13. In the Deep

**Author's Notes: **_I have received many comments on Ennis's actions, and thoughts in the last few chapters. I was going to knock some of them down. First, Ennis WOULD NOT of slept with Marla if he was **drunk as a skunk, drunk as a skunk**. And second, I understand a few of you are concerned about the direction I am taking with Dr. Clinck and Ennis, but I have to let out that no real sex is done between the two of them. I didn't want to ruin some people's suspense, but I can't be having people feel disappointed (in that sense) while reading my story. I hope you like this chapter, I think its one of the better ones, but you guys be the judge. Please continue to R&R!_

Chapter 13

In the Deep

They had made their way to a table in the corner of a homey cabin-like restaurant. Ennis made sure he sat across from Alex Clinck, not wanting him to leave his sight; afraid of what he might do. They both were silent till an old waitress came to them and handed them some menus. Ennis thought it was all nice and dandy, but he had lost much of his appetite from the drive here. He ordered a hamburger, and a piece of steak. Oddly, Alex ordered the same thing. The waitress mopped them with her eyes when they wanted the same food. Ennis blushed and looked at his own, pale white hands; shaking on the table. The woman nodded and left, as Clinck swiftly grabbed Ennis's hands.

"What are ya doin'!" Ennis yelled it before he could think. Many eyes came his way as he jumped up from the table. All blood washed into his face, all those damn eyes stared at him like he was some two-headed albino chicken. He quickly sat back down on his hard seat and whispered an apology. Fear struck him; thank god a jukebox was playing some song. He let himself get lost in his thoughts till Alex broke his concentration.

"I'm sorry too, but it looked like you needed to be touched. Almost like you were in a trance, sorry if I spooked you." His voice had a fair share of fear and sadness in it. Ennis nodded at him, but knew that Alex was just a little too friendly to be some _straight guy that understood. _He was still a virgin at twenty-eight? _Most people could lose that title at Prom. _Ennis had heard many stories. One was of his brother that had 'lost his virginity' to a girl at Prom. Ennis wondered what KE would classify what they did together as then. He, through many briars and wires, sent a short smile, trying to think of the hilarity in that conversation. Didn't last long.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing."

"Okay…whatever." The doctor smiled and shifted in his seat. "I wasn' lying when I told you I thought that the bond between you and Jack was special." He wiped his nose and cleared his throat, looking around at his environment. "And yet, I'm a little jealous." Ennis woke.

"Jealous a what?" Of course he knew _of what, _but he was too in himself at the moment to think straight.

"Well, I'm jealous of the way you look at Jack." Ennis confused his face, and leaned back in his chair; trying to make distance. "You figured it out yet, that I-I like you Ennis?" His voice came as nothing more than a whisper. Ennis couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why? It was so obvious, but to speak those words in public was taboo. He leaned on the table and clasped his hands together.

"D-do we have ta talk 'bout this here?"

"Yes." Ennis grimaced. _Stubborn bastard. _

"Well…you know I like Jack, and only Jack." His voice was also a murmur. He was sweating now, at any moment someone could football spear him to the floor, and go for the kill. His eyes scattered the room, not looking at Alex till he spoke.

"Of course, but you guys inspired me for a reason that I don't seem to be grasping at the moment." Alex rubbed his chin, thinking of the words. "I have never seen a more sensual couple, gay or straight in my entire life." Ennis jumped at the word. Damn him for saying it, he lost all power in his body, he didn't like that word appointed at him. He pushed the word away into the abyss, before speaking again.

"Yer, yer a nice guy, doctor-."

"Alex, I'm not at work."

"_Alex. _But I ain' that way. It's only Jack, Jack is the only guy…I ever looked at that way." That was a lie; he had just pictured Alex giving him a ride around a motel room. Ennis reddened more, and stood up from his chair. "I hafta use the bathroom." He turned around and blindly made his way.

"Its right to yer lef-."

"I'll find it," Ennis said assertively. He disappeared into a room a short stop away. Alex sighed, and washed his face with his hands. _This could still go better. _

Ennis stared at himself in the mirror. His young face was tired, and mourning. He put his hands on the sink and looked straight in his own eyes. They were bloodshot, too much crying and rubbing for them. He didn't even move when some skinny Asian man came into the bathroom. The man took a quick look at Ennis, practically bending over the sink. Ennis then noticed in the mirror the man take a second look at him; he had cleanly looked at his ass this time, before heading to a stall. Ennis angered and stormed out of the bathroom, not even relieving himself.

"That was quick," Alex chuckled as Ennis reluctantly joined him at the table. The food had arrived, and Ennis dug in, taking his time with the steak after he devoured his hamburger. He was hungry again, making noises when he chewed with his mouth open, getting plenty of stares. Alex admired Del Mar's look as he ate. His eyes gleamed in the bright light from some chandelier-like candle-holders above them. They told his story; soft, worried, and beautiful all at the same time. Ennis stopped munching when he met Alex's eyes.

"What? Do I have some ketchup on my face, or somethin'?" Ennis glared, expecting the worst when Clinck opened his mouth to talk.

"Nah… I was admiring your look Ennis. Your handsome-can't lie anymore." Ennis nearly choked on his steak, giving himself a one handed Heimlich to dislodge some meat that got stuck. More eyes fell on them, even after Ennis stopped; odd how no one even offered to help a choking man.

"I…do appreciate the compliment, but…I'm not interested," Ennis said sternly. He looked around again; meeting some old couple's eyes a couple of tables away. The old woman shook her head at him and turned back around in her chair.

"Ennis, look at me. Look into my eyes." Ennis didn't want to, but he concurred. He was stabbed by the innocent brown sparkles, feeling so embarrassed, wishing death on himself again. "Ennis…_I'm_ interested." Ennis felt a very slow, and affectionate object on his leg, rubbing up and down, claiming its territory. Ennis pushed himself back in the chair, more stares.

"Um…I'll be in the car, I'm done e-eating." Without another word or glance he walked to the door, swung it open and ran for his life. How close were the pitchforks, and the guns now?

He sat on the freezing seat, giving him cold chills. He was lost in a sea of lust and fear. Ennis just wanted to leave, he wanted run out of the car, and find his way back to Jack. How comforting that man made him feel. The car got much hotter, even as the wind blew.

One day, before they had left Brokeback Mountain, Ennis had come back from a hard day of herding the damn woollies. He had one thing on his mind; Jack. They had just broke they ice between them a week earlier, and Ennis was happy for once in his life. That smile was soft at cradling his heart; it illuminated any loneliness Ennis had ever had. They were immortal at the top of the mountain. No one bothered them, because no one was around. Ennis enjoyed waking up and stepping outside in the freezing cold naked. He liked singing to Jack with his terrible voice; well, Jack had one too. He liked being able to hug Jack outside where no one else could see. He loved the sex by the campfire, how the rotting embers fizzing against their sweaty bodies, grinding each other in the dim light. They laughter was the best; how they laughed so much, each chuckle sending his own heart and pleasure to a new world of happiness. Where had the laughter gone? Just that last day, when they had coupled on Jack's truck in the wood, there was no laughter. The old mountain mist had made them feel alive, so full of life. Ennis regretted not laughing during sex anymore. Jack needed it more than ever; he needed a quick guffaw in his ear, just to know that he still cared. His heart sank, knowing all the happy was gone.

Ennis wiped a tear; it was from fear or the weepy solitude of the South Dakota night. Maybe he shouldn't of left with Jack. Only hell has awakened in their path. What was next? Nothing, as always. A new light came from inside him; he thought of Mount Rushmore, and how happy Jack might be, seeing the founding fathers' faces. He smirked as a shadow crossed his face; breaking his grip on wonderful thoughts and dreams. Alex knelt down next to Ennis's door, and leaned his head on it. He used his arms as a pillow, so he could stare at Ennis's cracked face.

"Ennis, I'm, um, sorry about that. I paid for the food, so no worries, but can we at least go and have a cup a coffee?" Ennis found himself accepting the offer; he needed some flames to go on. Alex's face stretched with a smile. He jumped in the Falcon and started the car. They were off somewhere Ennis didn't know, and when he asked ten minutes later, he wished he hadn't. Destination: Clinck's house.

Ennis felt cold gather from the night breeze forcing itself on him. He leaned his head on his hand, placed on the door. The drive was long enough, and neither man spoke for a good part of it. Ennis admitted to himself that he had loads to say, but wouldn't push them the words out. He had no desire to fuck Alex, though he was less reluctant earlier, almost giving him a heart attack in the restaurant was enough. No more thoughts of sex with him entered his mind; but some of Jack did. He smiled at himself, thinking of Jack's lovely laugh of dove song, fluttering in and out his ears. How wonderful it was to be around such a perfect person. Ennis envied Jack in every way. He was so rough and mean compared to Twist, who was so soft, and tender, like a goddamn teddy bear. Ennis gave out a loud chuckle, and Alex once again asked what was funny. "Jack's a teddy bear," Ennis said before he could stop his thoughts being transformed into words. He turned red, and looked the other way. Clinck just laughed into the wind and continued to drive in the night.

Ennis woke from a brief slumber as the car met gravel. Alex killed the engine, and gently shook Ennis, thinking he was still asleep against the door. _We're here. _Ennis was filled with cold, trying his hardest not to fall when he opened the door of the car. He followed Alex around the back of the small house, up onto a deck. They entered through one of the glass doors there, _he was one rich man. _Clinck threw his keys on a coffee table, and told Ennis to make himself comfortable. He half-nodded at the doctor, and took a seat in a very cozy armchair. Alex escaped into a connected room, the kitchen, making some of that coffee.

Ennis tried to calm his nervous heart, whispering to himself. _Don't do it, don't you dare. Not another Marla. _He swiped his eyes, collecting humidity on his sleeve. Shaking all over, he was strangely relieved when the doctor made conversation from the kitchen.

"So, Ennis, how long have you known Jack for?" His voice exceeded his apparent _nice_, bringing Jack into the talk to smooth Ennis out before he would heave himself at him. Ennis shifted like he always did when talked to, and cleared is throat, examining the thick carpet of the room.

"Um…about two months, I guess," He said, picking at his fingernails. He took a deep inhale, and leaned back into the chair, letting it massage his entire body, muscle by muscle. He heard a loud clang of metal on metal from the other room, making him jump.

"Only two months?" Alex began, "I would swear that you two knew each other fer years." He entered the room, sat on a couch next to Ennis, and handed him a cup.

"Thanks."

"No problem. I hope you like it black, 'cause I like it black and I wasn't sure what you preferred." What Ennis preferred wasn't in the room at the time. He said black coffee was fine, and took a sip. It tasted perfect, not too sweet, and not too bland. He let the inner magic warm his system, collecting every bit of snow, and killing it.

"Well, me 'n' Jack still have a few things ta learn 'bout each other," Ennis said looking down at his cup of smoldering liquid. He couldn't believe he was telling Clinck all this. He exhaled and took another sip, trying to relax now with a lusted stallion sitting next to him.

"Mmmm…its good."

"Thanks, hey Ennis?"

"Wha'?" Not another question. By the way Alex put his own coffee on the table, and stared at him, he knew Jack wasn't in this one.

"Do mind if I sit closer?"

"Well, um…" His throat clamped shut, driving the blood to his face, locking it inside. Alex didn't wait for an answer, he moved himself on the gargantuan armrest of the armchair. Ennis's whole body got stiff; he swallowed the rest of the coffee in two seconds, and put the cup on the table next to Clinck's. _No, Ennis, don't do it, not again, Jack is in the hospital. _He breathed in, slanting to the other side of the chair, trying to make distance again.

"Ah, thanks fer the coffee, but Jack is probably wonderin' where I'm at." He watched Alex's fingers move tunefully on the armrest, and found himself aimlessly staring at his crotch soon after. He hastily looked away when Alex noticed. "C-can we leave now, please? I don't f-feel right to this, ya know tha-."

The kiss killed his words, and turned him up inside. Alex jumped on Ennis's lap on the chair, sitting on it, and kissing harder. It wasn't a pleasant kiss for Ennis, yet he was getting hard quickly. _No._

"Yes."

"NO!" He pushed Alex off and watched as he fell to the floor, knocking his head on the table.

"I CAN'T, AND I TOLD YOU!" Ennis stood up, looking at the frightened Alex on the floor; those wide pupils were locked on his face. Ennis felt the anger inside him erupt through his highest layer, making everything blurry.

"I'm, I'm sorry," Ennis said, as he put his hand to his mouth. "I…jus' can't," he added lightly. He reluctantly put a hand out to help Alex up, who took it with a sweaty palm.

"No, no, Ennis, I'm sorry. I tried to push ya-."

"Lets skip the lecture and take me to see Jack." Alex nodded, and grabbed the keys from the table. Ennis could smell the disappointment in they way Clinck moved. In some strange way he felt bad for the guy, but he wasn't queer. Jack was just one person, but Alex was another…

The ride was silent, and very brief. In about ten minutes the high pillars of the ER was visible. Ennis felt so warm and happy to have to say goodbye to the doctor.

"Um…thanks fer the coffee," Ennis said through his teeth. He stared at Jack's truck from afar, only coming to when Alex talked.

"Ennis, I'm sorry again. I knew you and Jack- and I didn' listen. I hope you two make it all out of this all right. I'll see you in the morning." His voice was silently broken, but he hid it with a smile.

"God, Clinck its about mornin' already!" Ennis said jokingly. He smiled nervously, trying to make some happiness come to the man next to him. He was ecstatic when he noticed Alex laugh too. "See ya, I guess." He went to open the door, when he felt Alex's hand on his shoulder. He slowly half turned.

"I, um, thanks for the company…I usually don't have anyone to talk to, ya see?" Ennis, full of guilt, nodded and said _don't mention it, _which was his true thought on the matter. He opened the car door, and exited. His legs felt tired from sitting, and he stretched, revealing the bottom of his stomach. He ignored Alex staring at him as he made his way around the front of the Falcon. Clinck had parked in front of the ambulance lane, so not much of a walk, but he was interrupted; he froze in his tracks.

"Ah, Ennis? Have a _good night." _Ennis could hear the cry in the last part of the sentence. How it made him chill in all the wrong places. He felt like an asshole, standing on the hospital sidewalk with a permanent bent in his posture. He winced as the Falcon glided away in the parking lot, leaving him in the dust. He didn't move till some guy brushed passed him, telling him to _move the fuck outta the way. _Ennis didn't take much offence, for he was then softly running to see Jack Twist.

He opened room 233's door, and entered into its darkness. Jack was sitting up on the bed, his face illuminated by a TV Ennis hadn't realized was up attached to the ceiling, right next to the door. Jack's attention turned to Ennis, and he smiled. Ennis smirked back and slowly walked to his chair next to the bed.

"I'm…glad yer still awake, Jack. How are ya?" He knew Jack noticed he was badly shaking, and he hoped he didn't ask about it. Jack touched Ennis's face, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I'm good, just missed ya a lot," Jack began, "What about you? You don't look so good, and what the hell took so long?" Ennis gulped, and softly grabbed Jack's hand and patted it. He felt the false calmness in Jack's hand; he could see it in his eyes too.

"Can I tell you in the mornin', 'cause I like the way you smile in the TV light." Jack couldn't resist the charm. He smiled wide, revealing some beautiful teeth. They kissed tenderly, rubbing their hands all over each others body. Ennis was so pleased that it was Jack this time glued to his mouth. He felt a frown on Jack, but didn't pull away; too afraid to look. He didn't won't those eyes to turn hostile. _I hope its nothin' serious, Ennis, 'cause I don't think I can handle anything anymore. _His voice was a whisper, as they separated. Ennis sent a pseudo grin, trying not to look so damn sad.

It was 11:30 PM. Not too late for most people's taste, but Ennis was an _early to bed, early to rise_ person. He never stayed up too late unless he had a reason to. Jack was a good reason to kiss sleep farewell. Ennis knew they couldn't go much farther than kissing and groping, as Jack was not ready for some wild grinding or bucking, but he got a better idea. He was half leaning on the side of the bed; making sure not to put any weight on Jack. He smooched, only breaking for air; loving the smacking noise of their lips. Jack's sweet lips told a story. So brilliantly bright thanks to the TV light. Ennis gingerly glided his hand around Jack's stomach. His touch wasn't hard enough to upset any bruises on Jack's chest. His hand fell deeper and deeper till-

"Oh go-o-o-d, Ennis. Ennis? I don't think ya should. I'm- you don't have to." But of course he wanted him to. Sex was not an option, but Ennis never had jacked off a Jack.

His hands touched Jack's hard shaft, in his memory it was his first time every stimulating Jack. He neglected to pull the covers off of Jack's body, but he did blindly push up his gown under the quilt. Ennis worked ferociously, pulling then slamming his fist back down onto the almost mushy sac. His hand felt the warm blood pulsating, it was Jack's moment, so he rubbed his own firm cock in his pants, not wanting to mess with it anymore than that. He ignored Jack's half-hearted pleads for him to stop, and his silky coos to the ceiling. Ennis went faster, working the meat so quickly his arm grew tired. He loved the look of ecstasy on Jack's busted face. He bent in and kissed Jack again and again, feeling him tense under his tongue.

"OH GOD, Ennis, uh…oh god, Ennis, oh god…Ennis, I love you." His was breathless as one could be, yet full of happy. He laid his head back on a pillow, and watched as Ennis withdrew his hand from under the blanket. He smiled when Ennis lightheartedly smelled his own hand and grimaced, and his stomach churned when Ennis licked the whiteness from between his fingers. He frowned when Ennis turned red as a rose after doing that act. Ennis's smile gleamed into Jack like a ton of bricks. His face broke and he semi-collapsed on Jack. Ennis didn't hurt his chest, even in his current state of mindless tears. Jack held him close and kissed his head. It was more important to Ennis to please Jack than it was for Jack to get pleased. They embraced, warm full of loving, and didn't end till the daylight, which didn't arrive before Jack spoke.

"Ennis, that was incredible," he mumbled to Ennis's head. "Though it felt so good- I felt mighty uncomfortable when you did it." At this Ennis raised his squinted, wet eyes to meet Jack's.

"I, I thought I did well Jack?" His voice full of fright.

"You did well, baby." Kiss "but after…ya know, I just haven't felt all to kind ta, ya know, sex." Ennis, who had smiled at the word _baby, _scowled again. He understood, and feared what Jack thought about him after that whole ordeal.

"Well…um, I'm sorry if I made you feel…all bad inside, Jack. But after bein' away from you fer a coupla hours, I started to think about you-not that so much time has to past fer my mind to wonder on ya, bud. Ya smiled even a lil' bit, and I guess that's all I can pull out of ya." Ennis frowned deeper, trying to pull sympathy from Jack, who smiled and kissed Ennis's forehead again. He gently rubbed Ennis's arm that was on his chest clinging to him for dear life. Ennis's face scrunched up a tad, as he looked for the words that would surely get him a good ol' Jack smile. He lifted one of his hands to his mouth and chewed a nail. Ennis felt bad that Jack was waiting for a response, but he felt embarrassed when he gave a little shrug that said _WELL? _

"Um, ya can't rush me, Jack. I'm…not you, I'm not fast like you."

"You sure worked fast jus' earlier." Ennis flushed deeper, and shook his head.

"No, not like that Jack." He smiled, and then found the words.

I…ain't the best at talkin' 'bout…stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Any stuff, but I have an idea, how 'bout tomorra we jus' spend the day, ya know, talkin'?" He bit the nail, and pulled on it harder with his teeth. He looked away from Jack's headlights; they were too powerful for a mortal man to wield.

"Sure, Ennis, I'll appreciate that." He smiled wide. "Its so odd that you would recommend us to talk all day." Jack chuckled and gave Ennis a _aw _when he looked away even farther and flushed even more. More kisses on the cheeks and head, then some words.

"I think you'll appreciate that too, Ennis. We know each other well, but I still feel like...we're always, I don't know, _away." _Ennis looked up and gawked. He was admiring Jack's nose, one of the few uncolored parts of his face, when his question came out.

"Um, Jack?"

"Um, yes," Jack joked.

"Do ya mind if I…lay my head on you, ta, um, sleep?"

"Yeah, I mind."

"Oh…sorry, I was just wonderin'."

"No, Ennis I'm just kiddin'. Yer so…nice, Ennis, yeah you are, too nice." Jack gleamed.

"Yeah right, me nice, you should get paid fer yer comedy," Ennis said smiling and getting closer to Jack. He rested his head on his shoulder, aimlessly staring at the bluish tent of the white ceiling. The TV made it appear blue, and he thought it a special gift. White was such a boring color; blue was a much better one. Blue is the new sky, blue is the flowers, well, some of them are white too, and blue was Jack. Jack was blue.

**Author's notes:** _What a beautiful moment, I must say that I think the last few paragraphs ended up better than I had suspected._


	14. The Talk

Chapter 14

The Talk

The night passed through moderately. Someone had tiptoed into the room as Jack and Ennis slept side-by-side, and turned off the bright TV. Not even then did either of the two men stir. It was around 5:30 am when Ennis was awakened by a soft call from Jack. "_No, no don't…stop,"_ Jack whispered unconsciously. Ennis looked up at the dark face, hardly making out that Jack's eyes were still shut. Ennis shook his head; _he's jus' dreaming. _He laid his head back down on Jack's comfy shoulder, liking the bony part sticking into his ear, and fell into another dream.

_It didn't make much sense to him, but he watched on anxiously. He was lying in some dazzling field of daisies looking up at a blue sky, smelling in the wonderful fragrances of the outside. The birds chirped, and a horse neighed. He sat up softly as the sound of feet on grass came to his ears. Jack approached him in mint condition. No binder on his bare chest, sweating in the hot sun. No black eye, and no sadness in them as the marked their path. Ennis grinned wide as Jack's shadow came on his face. Their voices echoed through the world around them, and for once Ennis liked it. He laid back on the soft earth as Jack mounted him kissing, and groping his chest, looking for those special peaks. Jack found his treasure and pulled gently on Ennis's nipples, stinging in the right way. Ennis cooed like a pigeon that had just found land. He felt Jack's strong neck and sweaty hair under his golden fingertips, engraving the sensors on them. Ennis was hit strong with Jack's stench, grass, tobacco, and how uplifting it was, like a drug. He grew hard already-as the real world Ennis did too. Now third base was coming, Ennis plopped Jack on his chest, this time not worrying about broken ribs, and he pulled his pants off with a click of a finger, then-_

"_Ennis…don', no, daddy why?"_ Jack's voice came louder this time. Ennis shot up so fast he hurt his neck. He massaged it, grimacing as he spoke some curse under his breath.

"Ennis, do ya really think I'm a crazy bastard?" Ennis nearly had a stroke. He looked into Jack's wide eyes, watching him. He reddened, and shook his head. _I was jus' thinkin' aloud. _

"_Well you think too much, Ennis. Go back ta sleep_."

"_But…it was you who woke me up_," Ennis said. He dropped his hand and replaced it back around Jack's tight chest. Jack winced, and Ennis apologized softly.

"_Trying to kill me? Well, how did I wake you_?"

"_You were talkin' in yer sleep_." Jack frowned, never had he been known to do this before.

"_Really, what I say_?"

"_Nothing I could really make out. I think you were jus' mumblin', but god it scared the shit outa me._" Ennis inhaled powerfully. "_I think yer still a little shaken up from this las' week; it hasn' been yer best week_." Ennis looked on, waiting for an answer from a worried face.

"_Well…that's the understatement of the year_," Jack said laughingly. Ennis smiled back, and once again placed his head on Jack's bone, and tried to relax. He felt Jack breathing under him. He felt like a baby being rocked by his mother, up and down, and how smooth was the warm tender skin under him. Ennis found his own mind wandering, thinking how funny Jack looked in a hospital gown, he silently laughed. He tried his hardest to hide it from Jack, but he had felt Ennis's chest heaving back in forth from the giggling.

"_What's so god damn funny, Ennis_?" Ennis let out one loud laugh, and then tamed himself.

"_Nothing…hey Jack_?"

"_What?_"

"_Um…never mind_." Ennis bit another fingernail, trying to gain the strength. "_Um, Jack?" _He asked again when Jack seemed to be settling again, trying to sleep. Jack gave out a sigh, making Ennis feel guilty, but he turned to Ennis and falsely smiled anyway.

"_Yes, Ennis, what do ya want?"_ The annoyance was in his voice; Ennis shrank even lower in his position.

"_I-I'm sorry ta be still botherin' ya, but-."_

"_Ennis jus' spit it out,"_ This was the way Ennis liked, because it made him think faster. He put his hand down and went at it with his best.

"_Are we still gonna…ya know, talk tomorra_?" He waited for a minute while Jack thought it over.

"_Yeah, babe, we have to have tha' talk, now get some sleep!" _Jack almost turned on the bed, but was forcefully reminded about his chest, when a flaring pain from the below hit him.

"_Ouch, sonofabitch_." Jack fell back on his back, breathing like a mad man.

"_What?" _

"_Its my chest, it still hurts like a motherfucker," _Jack said half-laughing. Ennis frowned at him, even slowly rubbing the side of his chest with his thumb affectionately.

"_Well, m-maybe I can h-help with that tomorra_," Ennis said, proud of himself. He longed to get that out, he just wanted Jack to be happy; his new goal was to make Jack happy. Jack grinned, and raised a hand to Ennis's face, and briefly washed it.

"_We better get ta sleep then, Ennis_, _'cause we're gonna have a lot ta talk 'bout, I'm sure. Knowing you, you have all of yer question laid out, which is good."_ Another smile, another peck on the cheek, another red Ennis, then another failed attempt to sleep.

"_Um…Jack?" _Jack made some quiet frustrated sound from the back of his throat, that made Ennis chuckle compassionately. "I don' like the name _babe, _can ya call me another something, Jack?" More flushes. Jack turned to him with an _I-don't-care _look.

"_Okay, Lennie, I will_,"

"_Lennie?"_

"_What, ya haven' read Of Mice and Men? I was forced ta read it by my mama, man it was horrible."_

"_Nah, Jack, ya now I'm not the sharpest knife in this here kitchen."_ Ennis couldn't believe he just said that. Jack was changing him all right, at the moment he didn't know if it was good or not.

"_No Lennie?"_

"_Shit no," _Ennis said earnestly.

"_How 'bout darling?" _Ennis shook his head disgustingly_. "Mr.?" _Ennis hesitated, and then shook again. "_Sir_?"

"_Yeah, I like Sir,_" Ennis laughed.

"_Fuck you, I'm not callin' you sir_," Jack began with a weak anger. "_My daddy…he, he, he used to force me to call him sir. Damn bastard, my mama finally got 'im ta stop it, thank god." _Jack rolled his eyes, and sighed. "_Honey?" _

"_Hell no, Jack, come on_," Ennis said, rolling his own eyes, and caressing Jack's belly button above the gown.

"_What 'bout shit head?_"

"_Very funny…you, you ass." _Ennis tried to look mad as hell, but he gave in to the baby blue windows.

"_Sorry, but you're so fun to mess with," _Jack said jokingly. "_What 'bout baby?" _

"_Tha's the same thing as babe." _Jack gave a hushed yawn, and he wiped his eyes, not much of a black eye left.

"_Well, hell, Ennis I have no idea. What do ya wanna be called?"_

"_I'm not the creative one, 'member?" _

"_Okay, but god if ya don't pick one within the next five minutes, we're goin' with shit head, got it?" _Ennis smirked and nodded, not believing they were actually having this conversation.

"_Sweetie?" _Ennis frowned then gave him a _you-know-better-look. _

"_Dear? Bro? No?_ _Damn you Ennis." _Jack laughed.

"_Precious?_" Ennis made a face.

"_Come on, Jack that's too much." _Ennis sat up farther in the chair, only his fingers were touching Jack's chest. He threatened to remove them from the man.

"_Love?" _Ennis gave some thought into this one.

"_Only when no one is around," _He said, fearing a sarcastic remark from Jack. None came, he breathed profoundly.

"_Scuttles?" _

"_Fuck you Jack." _Jack laughed again, this one from his heart. He put a hand on his chest, showing that the happiness had unsettled some unknown bruise or scrap on his skin.

"_I'll look for a more unique one…Ennis, what about diamond?" _

"_Diamond, Jack?" _

"_Yeah, what's wrong with it?" _

"_It makes me feel like a woman, Jack." _The latter snickered, till he felt Ennis's fingers being lifted from his chest.

"_Sorry, Ennis. I forgot I'm the woman."_

"_Oh, shut up, Jack lets act like it never was mentioned." _Jack nodded in agreement, which Ennis saw with the morning sun rising from a window above the bed.

"_What about friend?"_

"_Jack ya already call me that."_

"_So? I like it, because when I speak it, it speaks levels," _Jack said sniffing, and wiping his nose. _"Not only are we…ya know… but we're friends too." _Jack smiled, and so did Ennis, unwillingly.

"_I suppose it will work," _Ennis said dully. He put his arm back around Jack's chest and sighed.

"_Its almost time fer the nurses ta come and check up on me,"_ Jack said to Ennis's ear, right next to his face. Ennis didn't move from his position on Jack's shoulder, just listened to the words, blinking into the darkened room. "_Well, after they check up on me, and most likely warsh me down, and yer allowed back into the room, then we can have are lil' talk we both promised, 'kay?"_ Ennis nodded, hating the second the nurses come in and separate the two.

Every day around 9:00 am, the nurses check on the patients for the first time of the day. It usually included breakfast, and the patients were often persuaded to eat this meal at least. Later they check at 2:00 pm, lunch, and then at 8:00 pm, for some dinner. Today Jack needed to be bathed, and his blood pressure tested, leaving Ennis in the lonely hall for a good twenty minutes.

A knock came on the door, and before Jack knew it, Ennis had flown off of his shoulder, and was lying on the floor. Ennis looked up as the door opened a bit, then a little more revealing an older looking nurse. She had a thin pair of glasses on and jet-black hair. Her name tag read Beverly. She stood at the door before Ennis got up and took her hand.

"Hi, you're Ennis?"

"Yes ma'am, but howja know my name?"

"Dr. Clinck told me, he has been talking about you a lot." Ennis reddened and released the nurse's hand, secretly shaking inside. "That's how I knew to knock."

"My names Beverly, and I'll be treating Jack for most of his stay now, well, at least in the morning anyway. Um, can I ask you to wait out in the hall while me and a couple others clean Jack up and run some tests?" Her voice was soft, and calm, too irresistible to offend. Ennis reluctantly nodded._ Not like I'm gonna be seeing something I haven't felt with my tongue afore, _Ennis thought, flushing again. He took one glance at Jack, sitting up in the bed awaiting his treatment. He smiled at Ennis with his pearly whites, shining in the newly profound sunlight leaking through the window. Ennis nodded at him then wordlessly left the room.

He felt the wind of many strangers passing him with some nameless objects. He felt like his head was spinning, and he was lost in some world of miners and shoppers. Ennis put his hand to his temple, compressing there for he had a growing headache. Jack's door closed behind him, taking his attention. He wanted to know all that they were doing in there, poor Jack was being interrogated like a criminal for sure. Ennis pulled his hair out of his face and leaned against the wall.

The hall was not crowded, but soft and still. Some piercing light flashed Ennis's eyes from the front doors of the hospital. They grabbed his attention and played with it. How the doors looked like spectacles staring at Ennis, wide and proud with some majestic aura. The sign labeled _ER_ above the doors was its eyebrows, and the mat below was its beard. Ennis had often looked for faces in inanimate objects when he was young. It was a fun game that required great concentration and imagination. He had lost all his imagination, but he could still pull out a good face in any cracked wall. Ennis was living the moment till he was awakened by a strong, but supple hand on his shoulder.

He jumped nearly a foot in the air, now facing him was Alex, in his doctor getup. Alex smiled wide, hiding the sadness Ennis knew was there, and asked him how his day was going.

"Don' know," Yawn. "I jus' woke up." Ennis batted his eyes, trying to avoid the doctor's as they saw everything. He yawned again frivolously, and moved back from Alex's clasp. "_Sorry, but ya know…."_

"Yeah, I know, but in someway I want to ignore it," Alex said calmly. Ennis felt prickles throughout his body, slowly rising. He felt his hand shake a tad, so he grabbed it to nurture. He sniffed, and looked at the floor around Alex's feet; definitely ignoring his hard lump in his pants, his nice smell and of course his smile. "You know, I felt like I was going to have a concussion after I hit my head on the table last night?" Ennis shifted uneasily, and reddened.

"Um… sorry, 'bout that," he said like a broken child. His head fell lower into the doctor's charm.

"It's alright, but like I said, it was good having your company, because-." Alex took a breath, and grinned deeper, "I'm still a virgin, but I'm looking for someone to end that damn title." Ennis tensed, and looked at the man's rugged face. He shook his head in disapproval and walked passed him, passed Jack's door, eyeing a bathroom. He dashed for it.

He sat on his knees in front of a commode looking into the water inside. Ennis didn't want to puke, so he didn't. In reality he didn't feel sick, he felt depressed. _Oh god, I'm no queer, he's got me wrong._

"No, Jack's for me, Jack's for me," Ennis said to himself silently. He heard some feet enter the bathroom so he frantically threw himself on a toilet, breathing madly. He watched through the crevices of the stall door, and in a minute hadn't seen anyone. He sighed and exited the stall, threw some water on his face, and left the bathroom, wishing for Jack to be ready to counsel him. Inside he knew he had to tell Jack about Clinck. That thought shook his gut, and made him lightheaded.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack laid still on his side as a damp towel was moved across his back. He closed his eyes and tried to pretend the touch wasn't turning him on. The thickness of the fabric was like two tough hands giving him a massage. The water ran down to a towel that caught the wetness before it could soak the bed sheets. He could picture it now; Ennis was back there feeling him, and he wouldn't be scared, because it was Ennis and not anyone else. Oh Ennis was the only one that touched him that way, and yet…

Maybe it was Chief's touch that was back there; he panicked. The pictures flew before him, and before he knew it, their mocking swallowed him. The laughter rang in his ears, sending the chills up his spine, and shivers in his legs. Jack began to shake as the rag was placed at the top of his ass. _Look at that fat ass, how do ya like my cock?_ Than his own voice; _Ennis, Ennis please!_ He closed his eyes and wept a slow sad song.

"Mr. Twist are you okay, darlin'?"

"Maggie, please he's…okay, just let him _cry it out, he's still stressing_," came Beverly's voice. One of the two other nurses, named Maggie, nodded at her, and continued to mop Jack's lower back and legs. He hated the presence there; it wasn't Ennis so the touch was unwanted. It couldn't happen again, because Ennis was so near. He was feeling so violated, Jack just wanted to scream. Jack's voice scared Maggie, sending her into a world of sorrow that she would only get out of if she complied.

"_Please…stop._" Jack sounded devastated and lost in a pool of tears, which soaked his once peaceful face. Now it only radioed fright.

"Well, I'm almost done, with your lower half-."

"_No, no, please I can't, it hurts_," Jack cried. He let out a whimper that seemed to shake the hearts of the nurses around him. He slammed his fist on the bed nonthreatening, and started to twitch his legs.

"There Jack we are done. Maggie, please go and get Jack's friend, Mr., um, Del Mar. He should just be out in the hall." Beverly helped Jack on his back with a new hospital gown, and a feeling of cleanliness as Maggie left the room. She gave him a soft kiss on the hand, and then patted it with considerate tears in her eyes. "You'll be okay Jack, Ennis is coming, and…I can get some help for you. You know, a professional to talk to if you have any whims. Well, if your interested just ask for me, I'm Beverly." Jack wiped a tear from his eye, and smiled brokenly.

"I appreciate the offer, ma'am, but c-can I see Ennis now?" She was stunned by his coolness. Beverly nodded, and told him to call her Bev as Ennis walked into the room, so happy to be seeing Jack. "So, Jack what do you want for breakfast?"

"I…get to pick this time?" He was half attentive; because his eyes stared at Ennis, who stood in the doorway, worried to hell. "Well, I jus' want some…toast and some…orange juice."

"Okay. Ennis, do you want anything?" Bev turned to him. He was stirred from his stare at Jack's wet eyes with her words of caring.

"Um…no thank ya." He crossed his arms, and moved out of the door as Bev and the remaining nurse left. Door was shut, and Ennis breathed. He hastily made his way to the chair and sat, then stared into the loft of the quilt, shriveled at the end of the bed. "So, do ya wanna wait till after ya e-eat?" Jack nodded quickly, and they returned to more awkward silence.

"Are you okay, Jack?" Ennis asked, looking at Jack for the first time since he had sat down. The silence was intolerable, but both men knew what was coming, and both didn't want it to be negative, handling with care.

"No, not really," Jack began, "their hands, that towel all over me, made me feel, I don't know, _bad._"

"How, Jack I don' get how them givin' ya a bath could make you cry." Ennis pointed to Jack's eyes to show how he knew he had been crying. Jack cleared his throat and shifted closer to Ennis, who kept his distance.

"Well…first it was okay, almost relaxin', but when she got to…my back, I don' know what happened." Jack looked away from Ennis, now admiring the door to the room. "I…_saw_ them. Over me, calling me names, yelling at me like _animals. _I remembered the pain, and the humiliation." Jack's face shrank and he left out a cry. Ennis looked over at him, his own lips were quivering. But no tears came to his eyes, because the door opened again and in came a rather large woman with red curly hair, and a tray of food. Jack made quickly to wipe the tears out of his eyes.

"H-hi Winona, thanks fer the food," Jack said as the woman placed the tray over his lap. It stood around both of his thighs; a little wobbly it was, but manageable. He had met Winona, a loud and obnoxious nice caterer in the hospital, the day before. She had fed Jack dinner before Ennis got back from Clinck.

"Oh Twist its no problem at all. But what about yer friend, doesn't he want something to maw on?" She didn't really look at Ennis; more or less she gave a nod to him.

"Nah, he's fine, I'm sure he had a big dinner last night." Jack smirked as Winona touched his cheek in a sexless stroke. She seemed much like a mother figure, and in a way, she reminded Ennis of his late mother. _A mom is what Jack needed at the moment too, not some useless boyfriend. Boyfriend? Did I just think that word up? I'm, I'm not his boyfriend, am I? More questions fer later, I guess. _Ennis was thinking to himself, even after Winona left the room; more silence (minus Jack's teeth hitting toast) fell. Ennis shifted in his seat, then looked up to Jack's half-festive face. It was time; he couldn't wait till Jack was done.

"Um…Jack?" By his tone, Jack knew it was starting right in front of him.

"Yes, friend?" Ennis gathered the sleeping strength and worked with it.

"Do ya…w-wanna know why I was so late last night?" Jack grimaced, full of shock, and put his half-eaten piece of toast on his tray. _Of course I do wanna know, Ennis. I just hope it's not too bad. _Jack stared Ennis down; his eyes burnt little cracks into Ennis's cheeks, making them seem unhealthy. Ennis cowered some in his chair, but he pushed the words out as good as he could.

"I, uh, went to Sturgis fer some food with, with…um, Dr. Clinck." Air reached his lungs finally, he was grateful to get that part out. He took a one second glance at Jack, whose expression didn't change.

"I knew that guy was a little frisky. Did you two… uh, fuck?" So straight forward, Ennis almost fell out of his chair. Him sleeping with another man other than Jack was horrendous, but Jack deserved an answer. "Well, Ennis didja want to?"

"No, Jack I didn't wanna do tha' to ya…again," Ennis said reddening deeply. Jack relieved a exhale. "But he took me back to…his house fer what he says was fer some coffee. Well, we had some coffee, but he tried to…."

"Yeah, Ennis I see," Jack began calmly. "And you pushed him away, right?"

"Yes, but he hit his head on the table and I felt kinda bad fer the guy." Ennis flushed, feeling the irony in that. "I helped him up and he took me back here. Jack please, don't…take it the wrong way, I told him that I wasn' like that."

"Wasn't like what?" Jack asked, stepping into the unknown zone. He was walking on Ennis's ice, which if broken would cause Ennis to breakdown.

"That I wasn't…ya know, _queer." _Jack smirked, and grabbed Ennis's hand.

"Ennis, you may think that, but-."

"But wha'? I'm no queer," Ennis said loudly. Jack could feel the heat and inner anguish in Ennis's trembling hand. He felt sadness lingering into his own head, looking at the denying fool.

"Then what am I, Ennis? Am I just the guy you…talk to and cry to? What we do isn't what most people call normal."

"I don' know what we are, but I don' see myself as some Nancy, Pansy girly boy." Jack laughed, and kissed Ennis's hand. _Fine, we are just very, very, very close friends then._ Ennis didn't want to, but he smiled at the remark, before looking down at the tiled floor.

"I have more questions, Ennis," said Jack. He sat up a little more on the bed, winced and cursed, then cleared his throat. "Well, do ya wish ya hadn't left Brokeback Mountain with me?" This was the biggest question, damn Twist for starting out with a bomb, and making his way down to a bullet. Ennis altered again in his chair, and didn't make direct eye contact, fearing what may happen if he stared too long in the pearly gates of heaven and hell. Jack longed to tell him to hurry the fuck up, but then he remembered what Ennis had said: _I ain't the best at talkin' 'bout stuff, _so he waited.

"Jack sometimes I wish…I hadn't, b-but most of the time I'm proud that I did," Ennis said as he bit a nail. Jack watched as Ennis loosened himself on the chair. "Sometimes, I'm just scared of…what may come ta us, ya know what I mean?" Jack nodded, but Ennis wasn't looking at him. "I don' know if I like the idea of livin' on the road and hightailin' it when trouble comes." Jack made a face, he was worried to hell, and he couldn't lose Ennis even if he had to live in a world of hate, Ennis was all Jack had.

"Well, Ennis," Jack began, "I can drop ya off in Riverton if ya need me to. We don't have to be together, hell, we don't have to ever see each other again, if that's what you want, friend." His voice was inconceivably calm, but Ennis could tell what it masked. It masked hurt, and irritation, and love, that's what Jack was hiding at the moment. Ennis shook his head.

"Nope, I don' want that." He paused and scratched at his chin to think. He realized he needed to shave, and that Jack did too.

"Well, Ennis what do you want?"

"I want to stay here with you Jack, if tha's alright?" Ennis had answered quickly, like he had planned it out, and Jack noticed but didn't say anything about it. He just smirked and touched Ennis's arm, showing affection, but nothing else because more questions remain.

"Your turn for a while, Ennis, I'm thinking some more up."

"Okay." Ennis turned on his chair so he was facing Jack now and then he breathed. "Was I-." He stopped himself, and looked away, building the power, putting it in his box, ready to use. "Was I yer first, Jack?"

"First what?" Ennis blushed; Jack must be playing with him, forcing him to go all out in a question.

"Was I the first person…you felt for?" Ennis sensed his stomach churning, giving a warm sense of pleasure to speak that he was loved. Jack contorted, and frowned.

"You mean was I a virgin when I met you?" Ennis embarrassedly shook his head, eyeing Jack's hand twitch on the bed. Jack took a deep breath; the truth was going to be difficult to drive out, but their relationship was too young to keep lies.

"No, Ennis, ya weren't my first." Jack looked away worried as fuck. He looked at anything that was in the opposite direction from Ennis, fearing the very worst when Ennis tried to speak but couldn't. Ennis bolted up from the chair, causing it to swing against the wall. He breathed intensely, and put his hands on his face. Too much was running through his mind; he couldn't speak or even feel Jack's presence with him. Hate, sex, rape, drugs-everything they had encountered in the last days finally rushed him and hit him like a bus.

"Im s-sorry," Jack said suddenly. He had remorse, but thought it wasn't much a big deal since the others were before he even met Ennis. The blonde-haired bean-pool shaped man sat back into his chair, his hands still clamped over his face. Through them he tossed out a _Its okay, _then a _was it a guy or a girl? _

"It was a guy." Ennis dropped his hands, looking blankly into room, not staring at anything in particular. A tsunami of anger, guilt, passion, and resentment flooded every fiber of his body. He didn't want to imagine it, but he saw them. Several faceless men fucking Jack like he does. Long hard, and dirty, buck after buck of meat on sweaty meat, blazing up a forest. And worst of all Jack was laughing, and enjoying the seemingly familiar cocks in him, playing and swirling like a bobbin in a lake. _This is a sick game we're playin' here, Twist. _That was the first time Ennis ever called Jack by his last name. His light gave off a foul smell of disappointment, and angst. _I did think this was jus' somethin'…between us, but now I know. _

"Ennis, look I knew that I was _this_ way since, I don't know, fifth grade," Jack said hastily. "Yes I'm scared too, and I have made a lot of fuckin' mistakes in my lifetime, I'm only fuckin' human. But now, it's over with that, fer once I feel right." The tears fell onto his cheek and lucidly told Jack's past of lies, and regret. "It was afore you anyway Ennis, so don' take that the wrong, way because I love ya." Ennis nodded at the floor, showing he understood Jack's deep and sincere worship of him. He calmed his inhalation, and tingled his fingers.

"You cry too much, Jack," Ennis said jokingly, trying to change the mood of everything. He got a chortle from his man, and a grin as wide as the sun. "Hell, maybe you are more of a woman everyday." Ennis chuckled, but Jack scolded and tossed a pillow at him.

"Well, Ennis, I don' care wha' you think you are, as long as yer always here, I'm happy." Another smile of blinding white, then both men settled down, and continued with their discussions. "But the question go on and on, and here I got another." Jack paused, grabbed the pillow from Ennis's clutches and put it under his back. "Did you enjoy fuckin' Marla?" Ennis turned four levels paler. He stiffened, and talked like he was on the verge of some mental breakdown, could the questions get any worse?

"She felt good, Jack." Ennis wanted to castrate the portraits in his heads of that affair. Marla and her bony body under him, asking for more and more, like some goddamn nymphomaniac. She felt damn good, but he wouldn't say that to the archangel.

"I wanna ask you this, but I don't want to catch you off guard. Did it feel better than it does with me?" Jack's pitch was unsteady, and wet. He tried to hide the sudden lash of engrossing sadness with a serious look, but he failed miserably.

"Hell no she didn' feel half as good as you do, Jack." Ennis said it with confidence. He forced himself not to get embarrassed, or nervous, but he let his eyes fall upon Jack's which seemed to tender up and sell adore. Jack nodded slowly, and looked away from Ennis's eyes._ I can't stare at him too long, or my mind gets ta thinkin'. Damn you Ennis. _He found himself nodding again and again. Jack took a sip from his full glass of orange juice, and relieved. He offered some to Ennis, who took the cup and chugged it.

"God, Ennis you coulda got some of yer own," said Jack, laughing when Ennis handed him the cup back nearly empty. He took the last juice from it, making sure he drank from the tip where Ennis's own mouth was placed, and sighed. Ennis smiled at him with his dopey smile. They shared no words for a good five minutes. Both men had more on their minds, but didn't want to break the ever-corrupting peace. Winona, the caterer, had taken the tray back from Jack. She offered her motherly affection again, and also ignored Ennis as usual. He just gawked as her large body moved with a semi-rhythm.

Winona left, and Jack laughed at the hospital joke she had made. The door was closed again, and Jack spoke thoughtfully.

"She's a nice granny, tha's fer sure." He giggled to himself, and crossed his arms, waiting for an Ennis response to the matter.

"Why doesn't she look at me?" Ennis asked genuinely. Jack glanced up at him, with not a single sign of emotion on his face.

"I reckon Donna, the nurse that took care a me afore Bev came, told her I was _queer. _Donna doesn't like queers, I guess, and tha's why she isn't taking care a me in the morning anymore." He frowned, but rammed it away somewhere deep. "That Bev, she seems nice enough, though, and I bet Winona thinks you have some kinda spell on me, like its yer fault I'm…queer." Ennis nodded, crossed his own arms and laid back in the chair. The boiling rage that reached his top simmered, and fluctuated.

"I still think its you that gots me under a spell, Jack." Ennis smirked at him with loving eyes of brown mud. They twinkled in the morning shine, which also filled the room. Jack smiled back, but found his eyes wondering down to Ennis's shirt, his shirt.

"Ennis why were ya looking through my clothes?"

"Wha'?"

"Yer wearing my shirt, and well, yer shirt, that I…took." Jack flushed, and briefly looked away. He had taken it as a concrete memory of their fun on Brokeback Mountain. He would sometimes raise it to his face and smell the stench of Ennis whenever he was away from him. It soothed some non physical love he had with him.

"Well, Jack, I was lookin' fer a shirt, and I didn' have a clean one. Alex, tha's Dr. Clinck, he gave me a yella one, but I couldn' wear it." Ennis paused, and yawned, hoping he didn't seem to be thinking too much on Clinck. "I knew you had some, and then I opened _it_ up…and I saw them. Nearly had a heart attack, I felt awful bad that you were in the hospital, and I remembered that I thought I would never see you again after Brokeback, bud. And I failed; I didn't feel all right inside. I put them both on 'cause I knew that's what you wanted and it was as close to you as I could get at the moment." Ennis sighed and glanced sideways at Jack, hoping for even a slightest sign of empathy.

"Ennis, I don' mind, its just two days ago when you came in here with 'em on, I felt so much fear, that, that you would be mad, and you would leave me here forever." His eyes matched his voice, dark and frightful. He neither smiled nor frowned, just stared back at Ennis.

"I wouldn' leave ya Jack," Ennis said flittering his fingers over his pant leg, dabbing at the blood stains." Jack saw the blood, and came alive.

"What happened Ennis?" asked Jack, ignoring the former conversation. Ennis colored, and revealed his bandaged hand, sprinkled with some dry blood.

"I…punched out a window in yer truck, sorry." He frowned as Jack threw himself back down on the bed.

"Why Ennis?" Jack tried to remain calm, but the anger was already there. He brushed sweat off his forehead and sighed.

"I don' know, Jack," Ennis lied. It was too embarrassing to say why. That dream, those men, the voices, Jack dead, too much to handle. "I can p-pay for it when we get more money, Jack." Jack shook his head at him, and wiped his eyes.

"No, Ennis its not that, we probably have enough money ta pay fer a new one," He began reframing from lashing out. "I just can't believe you didn' tell me, I thought we were taking a step in the good direction. Now after this talk, not only do I feel like shit, but I feel degraded." Ennis rolled his eyes in aggravation and stood up.

"Look, Jack I'm sorry, but I jus' forgot 'bout it."

"Forgot about it? How could you ignore that gash on yer hand, or the blood on yer pants-or I should say _my pants." _The rage was there; he felt the fire rise above him, all he saw was red. Ennis was still, till he made an _tsk_ noise, and went to the room door.

"Ennis, where the fuck are ya goin'?" Ennis stopped at the door and turned all the way around to face Jack.

"I think I need to go fer a walk, this whole big talk we had was just a little too much."

"No, Ennis stay here," Jack said calmly, hiding the horror of being abandoned. Ennis reluctantly closed the white door, walked over to Jack and laid a soft kiss on his forehead. They stood there together for numberless seconds and spoke without words, without looks. They spoke with their tongues, and hands. The rough skin against Jack's ear, pulling it and massaging his head, he closed his eyes, smelling Ennis. He smelled of cheap shampoo, sweat, and that lovely body odor. Ennis smelled, because of lack of deodorant, provoked Jack. He felt his body rise, but it was only led to rejection when Ennis moved away from him.

Jack held onto Ennis's shirt collar, wanting more. Ennis's eyes were wet with sweat, and understanding. He softly grabbed Jack's hand and removed it from his shirt, kissed it, and put it on his heart. Jack could feel the beating up and down, as it relaxed his body. He felt Ennis's chest oscillate slowly under his fingertips. The texture, and the heat reminded Jack why he loved Ennis to begin with. He wanted to get out of bed, help Ennis through the difficult time they both were living.

They separated, and shared a wink. Ennis walked to the door and swung it open softly.

"Ennis, I love you." Through much desperation, Jack got the words out. Ennis stopped at the hall, still in Jack's sight and smiled. Without turning he said what he always longed to say.

"I-I love you too, Jack." And then he went.


	15. The Dreamer and the Realist

**Author's Notes**:_This is a fun chapter. Its odd, but I like it. I needed a way to pass the time in real life and in the story to get past the hell I'm having at the HOSPITAL! Please R&R!_

Chapter 15

The Dreamer and The Realist

Ennis had spoken the words that seemed to linger on his mind for many a moons. As the door closed behind him, any doubts Jack had had were thrown through the roof, with celebration. Jack had solidified in his spot, _I-I love you too, Jack, _and then Ennis had left. Jack wasn't alone, though, he was given a fresh of warm blood to his chest, erasing the pain, erasing the disbelief, and erasing the sadness from his aching body of bruises and scraps. This idea alone brightened his tunnel of life, making it much more easier to live.

Jack lies on his bed grasping the sheets below him, as he looked upon the ceiling. He was not in a hospital, but hidden he was in some paradise of flowers, and everlasting fields of green. Jack was smiling in a way that was dubious, for Ennis had just returned what he thought he only gave out. His eyes twinkled with the crimson sun of the day shining through the eyes of the outside. It was a warm day in Rapid City, South Dakota. Everyone was outside, enjoying the bright sun cutting their life span in quarters, but Jack. But he was happy inside his enclosed room, because he was dead on those words.

_I-I love you too, Jack._

He spoke the words to himself, feeling the power behind them. He touched his lips, wet and puffy, and spoke them again. A grin came upon his shattered masterpiece of a face. Ennis, tall and vivid, never speaking more then three sentences in a row, had just told Jack what he longed to hear. "Fuck, it wasn't true. He knew I wanted ta hear it, damn you Ennis." But he wasn't sure; all those nights on Brokeback had stirred some mighty concoction. The sex, led to groping and the kisses, and not a damn word was ever spoken about it. _What is going on in that man's head?_ Jack massaged his chin, and pulled on the small fuzz he was wearing since he hadn't shaved in weeks. "I'll never get you, Ennis Del Mar, maybe I don' want to." A smirk came on his profile; it was a nice thought though.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Appreciate it, Ennis_

_Just trying to be nice_

_Love Alex_

Ennis read the note to himself. His hand's trembled with suppressed anger, and the loss of energy from giving Jack his words. The small, yellow piece of paper was taped on the driver's window of Jack's truck. The window itself was new, no longer falling to earth. Ennis looked at his reflection in the perfect glass, his blunt nose, and wide mouth, curved into an unconscious bow. _Still good looking after hell, Del Mar. _He flushed at his words of self-addiction. Too long was he modest, never giving himself a thumbs up for nothing. Now that Jack was happy he deserved a compliment, even if it was himself giving it. He winked at his reflection, never had he done that before, and read the note again. _Love Alex? _Why was the man doing this? Ennis feared that Alex's little crush wasn't a high school one that he had thought it was. No, it was much deeper. He crumbled the small paper in his fist and stuck it in his pocket. One glance inside the truck, _yep, everything's fine. _He strolled passed the truck, walking on the sidewalk to a destination unknown to him or anyone.

_I can't believe it. I said it, I said those words-and it felt good. _It was no later than 11:00 am, and Ennis was already walking on his own, head bent down, hands in pockets, playing with the note inside. _I've never said that to anyone in my entire life, not even…. _Ennis was lost in some thought; letting his legs blindly guide him to some fate. He walked on, not paying attention to the kids staring at him from afar. He almost ignored the ice cream truck, though he was starving. _I hate hospital food, taste like shit. Ice cream would be fine right about now. _Ennis turned to the truck that stopped by the sidewalk for some fat kid. Ennis waited till the kid disappeared with his triple-decked chocolate cone. Finally, no one was in between him and happiness. He was at the counter when someone called his name.

Next thing he knew, he was gawking at the large face of Sheriff Townsky. "I was headin' to the hospital now, assuming tha' you were still there and all with Jack. Well, I got the semen and hair test done, and we got the DNA of two men." Ennis squinted; eyes fell to the floor, as his cold dessert drove away. Any hope of happiness died.

"Don' cops have some kinda code where you don' talk 'bout this stuff in public?" Townsky laughed and slapped Ennis hard on the back. Sometime later they separated, Townsky heading for the hospital to have a talk with Jack, and Ennis went on with his walk saying he would _be back in no time._

Under a bridge, away from the scorching heat of the sun, Ennis sat. He swiped his head in vainly, as the vapor kept pouring. He wiped his eyes, not thinking of anything but _those men_, those men and Jack. He shook his head violently to wake himself from the horrible images. A girl took his attention. She was jump roping under the bridge, not thinking of anything but the sheer pleasure of hitting the road over and over again with her feet. Ennis marveled at her pigtails, and her smile. He always wanted a little girl, and if he would get one, he wanted one that looked like this girl. He forced himself to look away. _No, it won't happen, yer with a Jack, its impossible. _Sadness gripped him again.

The girl was gone, and so was Ennis. He walked passed a playground; bringing memories of his lonely time playing in them alone as a child. _Always alone, damn KE made sure I never had anyone, bastard. _He shook his head, stared at his feet and went on. Several times he would stop his journey of depression, to search for the highest tower of the hospital, a landmark to tell him where he was. It was behind him, maybe hundreds of yards away. Maybe hundreds of miles, Ennis just wanted it to be in his sights.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack laid in his symphony of bliss. He rubbed against his bed, and moaned jokingly. _Oh, Ennis. _He was like a teenage girl that just got a call from her boyfriend. He was so joyful he even hummed to himself. He wasn't sure if he was still mad about Marla or not. Time would tell, but he promised Ennis that he would forgive when the words were spoken, and they had been spoken. A grin on his face, Jack loved the ceiling, and he loved the door, though a knock from it interrupted his dreaming of rough arms, and curly blonde hair. "Come i-n-n-n," he sang. He sat up against the headboard, not recognizing the man that entered.

"Hi, I'm sheriff Townsky," the man said. He ignored Jack's perplexed face, and took his hand, since he had never seen the guy before. His first thought was that Ennis had got into trouble. _Already? Goddamn Ennis. _

"What did Ennis do?"

"Excuse me?"

"This isn't about Ennis Del Mar?" Townsky looked at him funny, then half-smiled.

"Oh, no, he's fine. I think he's taking a walk somewhere, that's what he told me when I saw him outside. This is about you and the men that attacked you." Jack frowned, he preferred Ennis in trouble. White washed his beloved face, and he kind of squirmed in his position. Townsky nodded his head, understanding Jack's face of pure fright. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a plastic bag, which held a few black and white pictures. Each had a face on them, all the men Jack knew.

"Oh god," Jack croaked. His shaky hand took the photos, and so did his eyes. Familiar faces, implanted in his head unwillingly by fate.

"Are these the men that attacked you?" He knew right away they were but couldn't speak. The first photo was of Anthony Curtis. His fat bulging eyes stared furiously at Jack. Next picture was of one of the teenagers. Buzz cut hair, dark eyes, and thin eyebrows, made to scare. The last one, it was of Chief. Chief and his shoulder length brown hair, and brilliant blue eyes. He had an innocent factor on his face that the others did not. Jack stared the longest at his picture, before more or less tossing them to Townsky.

"Y-yeah, that's them." His voice was dry; his eyes bloodshot from tears he didn't know were there. Townsky offered a piece of toilet paper, and he took it and freshened his face.

"Well we got all these men in custody, 'xept this one." The cop showed Jack the picture of Chief again. "His name is Thomas Loveheart, and he has been arrested before for drug possession. He served two years at a juvenile institute."

"_Chief_."

"Didja say something?"

"Y-yes. This one goes by the name Chief. I heard someone call him Chief, like a nickname or one of those damn pseudo-names." Jack took a breath. Chief was out there somewhere, hiding in a corner, waiting for him. He felt his stomach turn, at the thought. He clasped his chest, and slowly laid himself down on the bed. The pictures, they were there again. _If it wasn' Curtis's turn then I would ride you all night. _Townsky jotted something down in a notebook, and talked to Jack without looking at him.

"Do ya need something?" Jack shook his head, and used an arm as a pillow.

"I jus' want ta be alone." Townsky nodded. He informed Jack about a trial, and how he would keep him up to date. Jack just moved his head, not really paying attention, and then he got his wish, solitude.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_One week later…_

It was the slowest week of Ennis's life. His soul was still in a hospital bed, but he could walk now, that's good. Ennis would often find Jack pacing his room, hand on chin, or nose in a book he got for him from a nerve-racking trip to a Library. _God, all the damn books, too many to choose from. _Ennis just grabbed a nice greenback book, entitled something along the way of _Moby Dick_, thinking that since him and Jack couldn't fuck, Jack would appreciate a romantic novel, picturing all the wonderful sex scenes that book must of supplied.

Alex had shown Ennis around Rapid City, which was more than what met the eye. A nice swimming pool that was always crowded, even at the first week of August, a huge court square, where the elderly played old people games, and some nice houses for rent. Always keeping his distance from the Doctor, he would at least talk to him, feeling awful bad about him paying for the window. Alex kept all his thoughts in his head, or rather his pants, never making a move on Ennis till they were at the library.

Ennis had almost thrown a conniption at the library when Alex's hand grabbed his ass. The librarian warned him, and he blushed. _What the fuck are you doing? _Alex had smiled and had said it was an accident. Innocent till found guilty, Ennis decided no more hanging out with the good ol' Doctor. He walked back to the hospital that day, with _Moby Dick _under his arm, whispering curses.

Jack was glad to have received the book, but was indifferent that it wasn't a romantic novel. _Just what I always need, something to make me think even more about Ennis. _He understood little of the dialect, but it gave him something to do. _Harpoon? What the fuck does that mean? _And on he went, looking up words in the dictionary, also supplied by Ennis, who swore never to set another _motherfuckin' foot_ in the library except to take theses books back. He had to beg the librarian to let him take the dictionary, pulling out the_ my friends in a hospital, and he just wants to learn_ story to seal the deal.

**Har·poon**  
Pronunciation: här-'pün

Noun  
:a barbed spear or javelin used especially in hunting large fish or whales

"So that's what it is," says Jack, as he wrote the word and its definition down in a note tablet. He smiles at every new word he learns, and yet he wonders how it took so long to come to know them.

"Jack, yer writin' every new word down?" Jack nodded and tried to get back into the book. "Tha's gonna take a while." Ennis chuckled and caught the tablet Jack threw at him in midair. He glanced at the words Jack had already written down and handed the tablet back to the violent feline. "Here ya go, Einstein." More laughs. Jack looked at him clueless as a turkey in rain.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Ennis shook his head, and fought back the tears of happiness, the tears of peace. He was loving the moment they were sharing, him and his soul, forever…

Townsky had called into the hospital and reported that neither Curtis nor the teenager had admitted to the heinous crimes yet, so a trial would be in order. A date was not set yet, so Ennis and Jack could breathe for a few more days. Ennis lingered on the subject a little too long.

"Ennis I don't wanna talk about it right now, 'kay?" Ennis bashfully nodded and let Jack read on, as he left the room, heading for another walk.

He went for walks daily, it was a time when he could be alone, though he never got tired of Jack's company. Ennis headed back to the bridge, his favorite spot. He sat in its shadow, wiping his face with his sleeve, and smelling his armpit. _Need a shower, _he said under his breath. Maybe later he would go swimming. Ennis found himself lying in the dirt, napping under the darkened curtain, moving his leg in a rhythm to the cars above. He hummed to himself, and smiled, for he thought of Jack.

It had been too long sense he touched Jack. He was denying Ennis the last four days, and Ennis had dropped his head, nodded and sat in wretchedness on that hard ass chair every time. Maybe he was being selfish; he needed to be fulfilled too. He wouldn't cheat, no, not again, but the craving of meat was utterly unbearable. His thighs, his mouth, his ass, his chest, everything sweating with a glow of summer sky, on Ennis, bouncing hard on his cock.

_Jack isn't ready, no he isn't. I'm an asshole ta think it. Poor bud, worse days of his life. _Ennis sighed, and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked a few times, before heading off to some other place to loiter._ He could at least let me touch it._

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"GODDAMN BOOK!" Jack threw it aside in frustration. He had written down fifty words, and couldn't take another one. He held his head in shame and in his hands. The door opened slowly, Jack expected it to be Ennis, but it wasn't. Too bad, he longed him again.

"Everything okay?" Came Alex Clinck's voice. He held onto the doorknob. He was once again in his doctor uniform, white as any heaven. Jack looked up at him; never had he had such a good examination of the doctor.

"Yeah, everything's fine," he said bitterly. Alex released air, and entered the room, closing the door behind him. The room's light shrank, and everything else ceased to exist.

"W-where's Ennis?" Jack looked deeper into the man's eyes. He could see that he had some competition; hopefully Ennis had no feelings for Clinck. The lust was there, or maybe the desire. Jack threw on a fake smile, and half-giggled.

"He took a walk, he'll be back whenever." Alex frowned, and nodded.

"Can you tell him something?"

"Sure, shoot."

"Tell Ennis I'm sorry about what happened at the library." Alex cleared his throat, and toyed with his stethoscope. He made to leave, but stopped at Jack's voice.

"What? You were at the library with him? W-what happened at the library?" Without turning, Alex sighed, and wiped his hair back.

"Ya got me wrong, it wasn't anything like that."

"Well, I heard some stories, Clinck." The doctor turned to him.

"Well, you heard wrong, because what you and Ennis have is sacred." And then he left. Jack had gasped, expecting some other response. _What a fucked up guy, hell, he wasn't some kinda monster that Ennis made him out ta be. Then again, if you even look at Ennis in a sexual way, he throws a dumb ass fit. Ennis, you hurry yer slow ass back here soon._

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Jack released into Ennis's hand, like so many days before. The warm ooze, fell down the sides of his fist, racing to the wrist. His tongue stopped it, and so did the tears. He wasn't used to doing anything like this before. He fell onto Jack again, and cried his eyes out on the panting man.

"Sh-h, Ennis, you did good, as you always do, friend." Jack smiled at the tear-stained face in front of him. "There is no reason to cry, I wanted it, and you wanted it." Ennis nodded, then laid his head on Jack's chest again. "I wish we could go farther…but I-I'm not ready fer that, yet. But when I am, you will be the first to know." Ennis smiled on Jack's nipple, before kissing it, then Jack's lips. They laid there together for sometime, not speaking a damn word till Jack broke the hush with something he longed to say all evening.

"Well, you know Clinck stopped by the room lookin' for ya today?" Ennis jumped, but than shrugged and acted like he had little interest.

"So? What did he say? What did _you _say to 'em?" His cover was blown.

"I told him you were takin' a walk. Christ, Ennis, what did ya want me to say? _Ennis is outside with his drawers down waitin' for ya, doctor_?" Ennis immediately sat up, and moved to the chair. Jack _tsked_ and rolled his eyes. He opened his arms to Ennis, and tried to get him back. "I was just messing with you, Ennis. Its not what I'd expect you to want me to say." Ennis didn't move, trapped in his own world again. He felt the anger rise, move to his arms, than to his hands.

"Jack, that was a dumb ass thing you jus' said."

"What? I said I was jus' joking."

"Yeah, and I'm sayin' I'm sleeping in the truck tonight." Ennis got up, threw the door open and was gone. So fast, more happiness was thrown out. Jack slammed his face with his hands, and cried.

The seat was not comfortable, because he was not tired. _Damn, I was too hard on Jack. He was jus' kiddin'. Fucker should know-no, it was me, it was me. _He fought with himself, scratched his back, and shifted on the seat. Too hot, he took off His and Jack's shirts, making sure not to separate them. He had gone swimming earlier, and had cleansed himself. _Poor Jack, I bet the guys cryin' in his sleep. I need ta be nice; his life was turned upside down, and the last thing he needs is an asshole boyfriend. Boyfriend? Yeah, boyfriend…. _He made up his mind that the truck wasn't cutting it tonight, and he escaped, hoping for some sympathy.

Ennis, fully clothed, entered Jack's half illuminated room. The TV blared Jack's bed, revealing no one in it. Ennis gasped. He whispered _Jack_ over and over looking for him. He was growing frantic, sweating like an Olympic runner. He jumped when Jack talked behind him.

"_Ennis?" _He turned to look into the lovebird of his essence and heart. Ennis frowned at Jack, and nervously squeaked his shoes on the floor. "_Ennis, I'm sorry, that was wrong._" Ennis shook his head, and placed a hand on Jack's face. "No, lil' darlin' I'm sorry." And then they kissed softly. Their lips rapped together like grass in a windstorm, just holding on, because that's all they can do. Ennis kicked the door behind him closed, as he softly placed Jack on the bed. He kissed his chest, his nipples, and his binder even, before making it to the curly bush of hair.

"Ennis, no…no, I don'…want you to," Jack said, in between swaying his body back, moving with Ennis's mouth. He found his hand on Ennis's head, pushing it down. "No, stop, Ennis…Stop!" And then he blew. Ennis's mouth was filled with rich cream, like butter churned from a farm. But it was much sweeter. He swallowed the fluid, and cleared his throat, making sure none was left behind. He looked up into the eyes of the future. Jack's eyes were all aware of what would happen next. He softly nodded to Ennis and opened his arms. _Okay._

No tears this time, just breaths. Ennis laid on his chest, not wanting to know that it was a man that held him dear. Not wanting to know it was a man he loved. Not wanting to feel the sadness that ripped his heart in two. But everything was okay, because Jack was there, and he wasn't leaving. Ennis could of used some ice cream right about now.


	16. Suprise Suprise!

Chapter 16

_Surprise Surprise!_

_Ennis? Ennis? _Jack tapped his shoulder slightly. Ennis napped on him, arms near his breast, and mouth at the belly button. Exhaustion had taken them both so quickly the night before. He thought Jack's semi-frantic calls were part of a dream, a very nice dream. But suddenly reality slapped him in the face, and he stirred from living on a farm that he could call his own, Jack under his arm, and beer in his hand. He shook his head, and looked up to Jack's oh so welcoming smile of blinding ivory.

_"Wha' Jack? Wha' do ya want?" _Ennis asked through a yawn, and a kiss that was some replacement for coffee.

"Today's my birthday." Ennis became all aware. His eyes grew several sizes too big. He couldn't believe how happy Jack seemed, even though his birthday was to be confined to a cramped room. His heart bounced with excitement, or was it panic? Ennis masked it all with a slouch, placing his chops on Jack's and sucking them up into his mouth.

"_Happy birthday,_" he breathed out passionately against Jack's lips. Jack then seemed to move in slow motion. He smiled, and cuffed Ennis's ear, rubbing it in circles.

"That's only half the reason why I woke yer face." He smiled wider and looked at the door behind Ennis. "Its 8:50, and Winona will be comin' soon." Ennis rolled his eyes sarcastically, lifting his hand from Jack's chin, and then his body from Jack's legs. He hadn't noticed Jack had slept nude, not even remembering when he had taken off the gown.

Ennis stretched, and yawned several more times. A smile donned on his cheeks, and a hand on his chest. Jack stood up from his bed, now facing Ennis. No clothes on his body, Ennis forced himself not to look down. He blushed and leaned back on his hip, holding his own chin, examining Jack's upper body.

"Tsk, tsk, Twist. Looks like ya gained some weight bud." Jack giggled. Good, humor was Ennis's way of passing uncomfortable situations. Jack's binder had been changed several times. Each new one was some exotic color that Ennis thought made Jack _look obvious. _The binder at the moment was bright green, surely smelling of sweat and semen from the night before. It was all he wore, and it was the reason why Ennis's hand hurt, and not his cock.

One more quick kiss, before Jack slowly made his way to the bed again, grabbing anything in his path to help him walk. Searching for the gown under the blanket, he was forced to bend down just a tad. Ennis had to look away. _Christ, Jack, that still looks good. _And of course it did, Jack's ass was perfect. Not too round, not to thick, but enough meat was definitely there for some rough pounding. That lucky ass hadn't seen action in a week, and unfortunately, the last customer wasn't Ennis. Ennis forced himself to cover his eyes with a hand. Looking away wasn't enough. His cock flexed in his pants, and he pushed it against his leg with a finger. All it took was one touch; warmness drooped down his trembling leg. He jumped. _Good god, _He mumbled to himself.

He didn't know whether to smile or cry, never had _this_ happened before. He felt his legs giving way, so he sat down on the wood chair, nervous as hell, feeling the fire burning in his face. He blushed significantly.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked from the other side of the bed, pulling his gown down over his chest, and hips. The knot in the back was undo-able, so he was forced to put it on like a shirt. Jack noticed Ennis's enclosed mouth, and shaking hand. It was all too embarrassing, thank the lord he was wearing jeans, no liquid was visible through them. He shook his head nervously, looking at the floor.

"Nothing." He couldn't fool Jack, but the door opened and Winona walked in. Ignoring Ennis, she asked a standing Jack what he wanted for breakfast. She suggested some pancakes, orange juice, and that he laid down. All Jack took, softly climbing the bed till he reached the headboard. He was so powerless within her radius; much like he was with his father, but Winona was nice. She didn't ask if Ennis wanted anything, yep, Winona was nice. Door was closed, and Ennis let out a fresh air of tense.

"Uh…Happy birthday again, Jack." He looked at the man, and half-smiled.

"Thanks, I guess."

"Well…I'm not good at this kinda stuff, I don't know what to get ya." He shifted on the chair, and pinched a part on his pant leg, to prevent the liquid from going anymore south.

Winona was too fast. She returned with a tray of pancakes, and orange juice a minute later. Once again helping Jack set up his tray, offering her motherly advice, and even kissing Jack's cheek. This time he couldn't help but feel it in a sexual way. He reddened and she smiled. "Ah…Jack Twist, yer jus' lovely." Both giggled, and Ennis hated it. He wished for a meat factory to come and drag Winona away. _She'd make a hell of a bunch a burgers. I wouldn't eat 'em, I'd turn stupid. _He laughed at his horrible thought, but was facing the other way, so no one had a clue.

"Today's my birthday, Winona."

"Oh, my gosh! Oh then happy birthday darlin'!" She was just a plump of hot air, and, Ennis guessed, loneliness. _When was the last time a good-looking guy like Jack glanced her way?_ _Unfortunately fer you, he ain't interested._ "Oh Jack, you might get a surprise later. Goodbye fer now, though sweetie! Um…goodbye Ennard." And then she left.

"_Ennard?_"

"Jack, shut up." Ennis looked to him. He was munching on a pancake, holding it up with a fork. Both managed a quick chortle, before silence.

"I'm gonna go fer a walk." Jack dropped the fork with a _clang_ on the metal tray.

"W-what? I-I thought it would be nice ta, ta hang-."

"I'm going fer a walk, Jack." He turned at the door and grinned. "I'll be back later."

"But, Ennis-." Ennis gave him the look. A look that was almost threatening, that most certainly said _I'm going whether you like it or not, guy. _He often unwillingly gave people that look, but he meant to give it to Jack, because he had a plan.

He left the room, looking down all the way to the front of the hospital, some fifty feet away. The sun was blaring, and so was Ennis's chest. In some erotic fashion, Ennis left the spunk in his pants, as some sick tribute to Jack Twist.

"Hey, Ennis, we're ya going?"

"I'm going out ta get Jack a present," he said to Alex in the ambulance lane. He already said too much. "Don't ya have a job ta do? I would swear you got off whenever you damn well pleased." Alex threw his head back and guffawed.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Alex made quick to keep up with Ennis's fast pace, heading towards Jack's truck.

"Why are you getting yer man a present?" Ennis stopped and turned.

"Jack ain't _my man, _and by the way, it ain't none of yer busyness." He went on walking; the truck was near enough to spit at.

"Busyness?"

"Business, ya fuck."

"Oh, sorry. Well, what does he like?"

"I don' know." Ennis shook his head in shame.

"I'm sure what ever you get him, he'll love, he seems that type." Ennis stopped again, his hand on the new window.

"How do ya know what _type_ he is?"

"Relax, I was just being a dick."

"Yeah, imagine that." Ennis rolled his eyes and entered the truck. Alex grimaced at the harsh words.

"I grew up here, Ennis. I c-could take you to several nice stores to look for a present for Jack." He was desperate, but Ennis had a well planned out comeback.

"No, thank ya. I don't plan on my ass being touched in public, making me scream, embarrassing myself to death, again, 'kay?" Alex blushed, and put his hand on his hips.

"Ennis, that doesn't scare me."

"Well, it wasn't suppose to."

"No, what I meant was, you can't make me hate you," the doctor began. "Because I signed up fer the long haul, and I ain't leaving till I cash my checks." He winked at Ennis, and let him close the door. He watched Ennis's uneasy face focus on starting the truck. A knock on the window, and Ennis forcefully rolled it down.

"What do ya want now?" Alex laughed.

"Yer welcome for the window." Ennis shook his head, and took off.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack couldn't believe it, his day was just ruined. _Damn Ennis. Fer god's sake it's my birthday._ He didn't feel like eating anymore, he just swallowed the orange juice and waited for something to happen. _Maybe this is some kinda cheap trick, and he's hightailin' it to a store ta get me somethin' special. Nah, Ennis ain't that smart. _Jack snickered at the thought, and sighed. _And I thought this would be the best birthday ever, nobody but Ennis and me…_.

Winona came back, took Jack's tray, and asked why he looked so gloomy, and where was his gay friend. Jack couldn't believe she noticed Ennis was gone, maybe she was secretly watching him like a hawk every time she entered the room.

"Gay friend? Well, _Ennard _is takin' a walk," Jack said jokingly. It masked his true feeling of neglect, and misery with fun and utter sweetness. He watched the big woman in front of him grimace, and put hand to hip.

"Well, he's left ya all alone, and its yer birthday? I knew queers were-."

"Ya see, Winona, me and _Ennis_, yeah _ENNIS_, are together," Jack began calmly, "if you call him queer, than I'm one too, 'cause I made him that way, not the other way around." He stared into the slitting eyes of the redheaded caterer.

"Well…Jack, I understand. I didn' mean to come off as a hound dog, but that guy looks like he's up ta no good."

"Maybe none of us are up ta no good. All I know is I love Ennis, and he loves me too, and nobody is gonna quit that between us." She jumped at _the_ word; like Jack was some jack-in-the-box and he just erupted from his layer. Her eyes relaxed and she nodded. She made to leave, but took a look back at Jack.

"It seems like such a waste, you could get any girl you winked at, Jack. Have ya ever tried _not being queer_?" Jack chuckled, with an almost bitter flair to his voice.

"Try nineteen years of lyin', and get back ta me." She left the room without another sound. Jack breathed and leaned against the reassuring headboard. He hadn't of plan to soil his relationship with Winona, but she approached the room with an agenda. "_Jesus-s-s,"_ Jack yawned, as he wiped his eyes. _Its already been too long, Ennis._

The room was still, and Jack was being annoyed by the sound of feet hitting the hall's floor, none of the feet seemed to stop at his door. He whistled to see if an echo could be heard. Nothing. Next Jack tried to get up from the bed, placing an insecure hand under him; he pulled up from the headboard. Almost to his feet, he falls back. "_Fuck! Ouch, that fuckin' hurt. I could get up earlier." _But Ennis was in the room earlier. No reason to get up now, and his body new it. He laid back on the soft clouds of cotton and fabric, and ineptly slept.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Ouch, shit!" _were the words that woke Jack. Ennis quickly glanced at his face to see any sign of movement. An eyelash flickered, and a mouth half smiled.

"Wha's with the noise, Ennis?" Jack mumbled. He stretched, opening and closing his eyes to get the whole kinks worked out. His head was laying on a pillow that hadn't been there before, and he was sleeping against the headboard. Ennis must have moved him in his sleep, how nice. "I was waitin' fer you, Ennis. You walk slower everyday, and it gets dull when you leave." Ennis smiled, back turned towards Jack. "What do you got there?"

Ennis gradually turned his body to Jack, making sure to hide the item he held, placing it behind his back. "Nothin'. Well, actually, its somethin' I jus' so happened to find lyin' 'round in a garbage pile out back." Ennis nodded his head in the direction of the back of the hospital, and smirked.

"Is that so? Ennis yer a terrible liar, but I'm not even worth a fuckin' new piece of pie?" Jack laughed, and Ennis blushed and turned serious. He scrubbed his foot against the floor as if to kill a cigarette. All the blood left his legs, and it reached his fair face. _Just calm down, calm down, he'll love it-hope so. _Ennis's eyes bent in a way that told Jack that he was scared shitless. Jack nodded his head, and swiftly got out of the bed, not much trouble now that he was motivated. He walked to Ennis, and hugged him. Ennis almost moved away, and yet wanted Jack to take the present.

Jack felt leather under his hands, but couldn't see what it was, for it was on the other side of Ennis. He felt the heat Ennis gave out from his face. Slowly he pulled the item out from behind his back, heart pounding like a racehorse's. "I-I understand if ya don' l-like it, J-Jack."

"Ah shit, Ennis, ya s-shouldn' have." Jack felt like breaking down in a puddle of hopelessness. The brand new black hat he held was just like the one he lost in his fit of anger, sadness, and running. Ennis shifted his weight, and looked down at Jack's socks.

"I-I thought you'd appreciate it, s-since ya lost yer other one." His lower lip quivered when Jack put the new crown on his head. It fit perfectly on Jack's small cranium. He slightly adjusted it so he wore it like the _old days. _Jack smiled and slapped his leg, and _yee-hawed._ He nearly jumped on Ennis, wrapping his arms around his neck, and placing his head and new hat on his chest. Ennis unwillingly felt like a dad.

_"I love it, Ennis," _Jack said through many tears. Ennis released his anxiety through his mouth, and patted Jack's back. "I can't believe I'm cryin', I just thought ya were leaving me, and, and ya didn't care that today's my birthday. Oh shit, my mama's probably worried. M-maybe I should call 'er-later I will," Jack added when Ennis swooped down for a belated kiss. And there they stood like two teenagers in lust, clinging to the other because it just felt right. It went no farther than that. Their lips touching, shoving, and biting, fluctuated some longing in both of them that couldn't be answered with tears or kissing.

Ennis broke the hold, saying Jack was trying to kill him. What he failed to speak was that he didn't want that fact that they couldn't or wouldn't fuck to be thrown in his face. Jack understood though, that was his greatest quality, understanding Ennis.

The rest of the day was spent with TV, sleeping and cake that Winona reluctantly brought them both at 8:00. She acknowledge Ennis this time, telling him to go get some plastic forks from the cafeteria that she had forgotten. Her heart must have trembled to see them together after her and Jack's little talk, but she seemed lighthearted enough to leave them alone after dropping the food off.

Alone again, till Dr. Clinck stuck his head through the door, and wished Jack a _very merry birthday_. Jack almost choked on his cake, laughing. Alex just brushed it off, and asked if he could have a piece. Ennis went to strongly decline, but Jack said _sure, we can't eat it all ourselves. _Ennis was severely discomforted with Alex bending down in front of him to cut himself a piece of cake. He threw his head down so fast he unsettled his neck again. Jack watched Ennis attacking the will to look up at the round orbs nearly in his face. Jack stared at them, and felt no shame, but Ennis, god; he thought his eyes would burn into his skulls if one eyelid would find its way to Clinck's pants.

"Thanks, it looks good, I'll see you two in the morning." He nodded and left the room. Ennis shook himself and let out the largest breath of air imaginable. The weight lifted was immense, and he was thankful again. Jack frowned and reached out to touch his shoulder.

"Do ya wanna talk about it?" Fear gripped Ennis's heart, and pulled it out of his chest. He was sweating; his neck and back already a deep red, and damp.

"Tomorra," he said. He sat his own plate of cake on the chair, and turned towards Jack. His brown eyes longed to look into the blue, but they fell to a jaw. He nodded to himself, searching for the words, and then spoke softly, but quickly as if they were to be interrupted again. "I love you." Twice in a year, unbelievable. Jack couldn't fathom it. Jack smiled, and touched Ennis's cheek slowly, with an up and down motion over the bone.

"I love you too, cowboy. I just wish I could show ya how much I love ya in the way you want me to." Ennis grimaced.

"Wha'? Jack…I told ya I'm not here just ta, ta…_play around,_" Ennis said, worried that he was being misunderstood for the umpteenth time in his life. "L-love, yeah love, doesn't come to players, yer just testing me ya sonofabitch." Both men shared a laugh, and Jack nodded.

"Yeah, I'm just testin' ya, but my mind sometimes gets ta thinking, and I saw the way the doctor jus' looked at ya." He gulped, and put his fist on his mouth, forcing the tears away, _not now, they can't come now. _"I-I just wanna hear you tell me, that yer not goin' to-."

"I'm not going to, I ain't queer." How dubious was that statement? Ennis looked straight into Jack's eyes, dimly blue with the moon and TV light. "Do we-e have to still talk 'bout it tomorra?" Jack giggled, attacking the tears with a left hook.

"Only if ya want to, friend. I don't know about you, but I'm tired as fuck. I just wanna sleep. Maybe you can sing to me, cowboy." Another giggle, and Ennis smiled.

"_Maybe." _Ennis laid down next to Jack, and let him cradle his hair, combing it with his soft touch of cushion. The room was dark, and only Jack's melodic whispering could be heard. Ennis just listened to the familiar words bounce into him, and relax everything.

_Somewhere…over the rainbow,_

_Way up... high,_

_There's a-_something-_that I heard of... once in a lullaby_

_Somewhere... over the rainbow,_

_Skies are blue,_

_And the dreams that you dare to dream really do... come... true-_

_"Hell yes they do, 'cause I got one of those dreams in my arms tonight,_" Jack said politely. He chuckled a tad, and slightly bent over to see Ennis's face. It was sad, almost breaking his heart, as it stared at the adjacent wall aimlessly.

"Jack?"

"What, friend?"

"Whyja stop singing?"

"Because, I thought you weren't listening."

"I was listening." Jack smiled, and bent down to Ennis's ear and whispered _liar_, before softly going on.

_Somewhere... over the rainbow_

_Blue birds…fly_

_Birds fly…over the rainbow_

_Why then oh-h-h why can't I-I-I._

"_Beautiful, Jack," _Ennis yawned. He stretched against his little musician behind him, and leaned more into his embrace. They soon breathed together as one being. One impossible being that laughed and cried. Soon it was all at peace, night was engulfing them, and Jack had no worry.

_"You like my singing, Ennis? Ennis?" _No use, because Ennis was sound asleep, head on Jack's breasts, smiling up to the ceiling. Jack smiled again, and bent so he could kiss Ennis's soft head of hair. "_I love you more than ya could ever imagine, boy. I will watch over you, I will be your scarecrow."_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Author's notes: **_Awww, I hope Jack's singing comes off good. I love this ending as well. This was another fairly shorter chapter, because I start school in the morning and I wanted to come home to see if someone would review. I like this chapter a lot, but its another transitional one. Next one something will happen. So beware, and keep on reading._

_-_Phoenix


	17. Unseen Tears

**Author's Notes: **_Sorry for the long wait, i started school, so i have had little time to write. This is an interesting chapter, and well, the title speaks volumes. Please R&R! And i will be your scarecrow._

Chapter 17

Unseen Tears

Jack made the call to his mother the next day around noon. Ennis waited in his room, finishing the last piece of cake, before admiring his stomach, and the new hat he had gotten Jack the day before. The dark leather glistened in the virgin light, giving it a starry night appeal that Ennis liked. He was happy Jack adored it, too happy for words. A smile had formed on that man's cheeks and that's what Ennis was there for.

Jack entered the room about twenty minutes later. He seemed normal enough, but there was an evident sadness in his face. The same sorrow was in his walk, and the way his eyes just met Ennis's for a brief second. They looked red, with a sudden lash of tears that must have just fallen.

"How did it go, bud?" Jack had looked at Ennis, and smiled melancholically. He made his way to the edge of the bed and gingerly fell on it.

"It went good. Mama's fine, dad's… the same-I was surprised she remembered my birthday." Jack sighed and wiped his eyes.

"S-she's a good mama, why wouldn't she?" Ennis had a childish echo to his influence, but Jack paid no mind.

"Well, no one seems ta care if I die, or if I live." Ennis stood up from the chair at this, and slowly made his way to Jack's side, sitting on the bed next to him. He knew all too well how Jack got; better make a move quick before it was too late.

"Jack, ya know tha' ain't true," he began. Ennis brushed a part of Jack's head with his knuckles, but quit, as it didn't have any effect on his spirits. Jack breathed, and in the same breath spoke of what had tore him limb from limb when he was talking to his mother.

"I-I was tellin' my mama why I was in a hospital, when I guess daddy came into the house. He, he starting yellin' fer mom to_ get off of the damn phone with that faggot_." Jack nodded, and wiped his now tearless eyes. He didn't notice Ennis wincing, or jolting his eyes around. "I guess that's all I ever was ta him, a sexual preference. I don' know why I care, he's an asshole, but this time it seemed to get ta me."

"Jack, no matter wha' you say, it always gets to ya," Ennis said, holding back some good-humored laughs. "'Sides, he ain't nothin' special 'imself. And…and…and- yer mama cares, Jack, so don' say nobody does." A smirk erupted on Jack's face. He understood that Ennis wanted to say he cared too. Jack looked up brightly at Ennis, and affectionately rubbed his leg.

"Yeah…I have you too, Ennis. God I'm such a ass-I can't believe I let _that guy_ get ta me…again." He sat up and looked around in space. The door leading to the connected bathroom, which he could use now, the front door, the chair, Ennis, the bed, then back to Ennis. "At least I'm allowed outa the room now. I have access to this here bathroom, so I can bathe in that bath, and not get rubbed down anymore." Jack laughed, and gleamed in the glow on his face, sourced by the window.

"Jack…yer okay." Ennis nodded, then blushed and changed the subject too rapidly, with a flick of his head. "I think I'll take a shower, I need one badly," Ennis said out of the blue. "I wonder if I'm allowed-." Jack smiled wider, and slapped Ennis's leg.

"If ya let me watch you undress, I wont tell." So conniving. Ennis loved it, he grinned, and laid his hand on Jack's shoulder. "If I wasn't a fuckin' gimp, I would gladly join ya, but perhaps someone would drop by…." Another chuckle from the heart, and Ennis sped off to the newly renovated bathroom.

Jack observed from the bed, a front seat view to the lavatory, he had. Ennis took off the two shirts, still making sure they never left the safety of each other's arms. Then the pants, they slide off his thick legs, muscled from years of walking, years of working. He glanced back at the intrigued Jack, and reddened deeply. He still didn't like to be seen naked, even with Jack. It felt like all eyes were on him, and he was being rated, like livestock. His head drooped, and his lips curled into a smile. Bravery led to cockiness, Ennis lifted his head, and uncovered his worth mentioning unmentionables. Jack's expression did not change, but his posture seemed to rise up, like he was moving from a cramped position. There was his man, standing only ten feet away, naked for the first time in sight in about two weeks. His muscles, his arms, his feet even, had a heavenly blaze of shyness, and its normal peace.

Jack nodded, and cleared his throat. "W-well, you better hurry up and, and finished afore 2:00 or Bev will find me dead from dehydration and you nakey in the bathroom." Ennis smiled, and slammed the door. _Jack fuckin' Twist. _The water came to life, and so did Ennis, its hot steam rising from a hidden chamber beneath the earth. It stoked some extinct pleasure, for someone was on the other side of the door, waiting for him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next two days were solid leisure for Ennis and Jack. They had laughed, and for once, no tears were ever spilled from any orb, whether blue or brown. The third day, rain came and though they never went outside together, as Jack wasn't allowed, it seemed to wipe out any happiness that they could grab a hold of.

Indoors, they drove each other up the wall, and out the window. First, it was Ennis's snores, and then it was Jack's bitching, than it was the TV's fault. Never any peace when the two of them were living it low. Jack's yells could be heard from the hall. That small door was not enough to hold back Ennis' sharp intakes of breath either. Ennis reframed from yelling, as usual. He just sat and took it all, till he raised his head, and told Jack that he was going for a walk, probably to brood, unable to handle it anymore. Jack had panicked right at his words, jumping up fast enough to break the mach five.

"No, no, no Ennis, _stay, stay_. Come on, Ennis ya can't-" Jack had begged, regretting any problem he had just rooted. He followed Ennis to the door and made to grab out to him. "I'm sorry…its jus' difficult…." Ennis had thrown a hand back and told Jack to _save it_, before penetrating the outside winds of cold showers.

He walked mostly under the shade of trees, so his usual trail was not an option. _Pass the corner, left, under the bridge, right, playground, church, cemetery, park; _he was accustomed to the normal path, but change was good. He needed it. Ennis would regularly go and lay under the bridge or in the park, startling the squirrels, and over-protected mothers who would quicken their pace as soon as they saw him, laying spread-eagle in the grass.

Unrecognizable faces pressed against steamed windows, staring with their eyes, shaking their heads. Ennis ignored the glares, plummeting his head lower, till it seemed like he was examining the sidewalk. The wetness patted on his back, like a rhythm of cards being hurtled on a table, for a game of poker. He liked the soft touch as the water soaked in and unlaced his muscles. Ennis looked ahead to see if anything was familiar, but no such luck. He stamped on, like a soldier to hell, already aware of his fate.

_Fuckin' Jack, I should go, who needs 'im? _The more he thought about it, the more he realized he needed Jack. _No, no, I don' need anything. I'll tell him when I get back; I can't take it no more_. And still he walked in the blanket of tears, given by off by god.

Hands in pockets, some how Ennis had made it to the park without paying a bit of attention to the world around him. Well, this was a different Ennis. At the moment, he was fueled only by anger, and anxiety. _Jack's gettin' ta me, maybe I was too harsh. _Ennis gave in too easily, as he sat down on a damp bench. He wanted to purge himself of everything, Jack, Clinck, Marla, those thoughts of death, those thoughts of _cold_. The air circled, and the rain fell harder on the trees above him. He bent his tan cowboy hat up so no water would drain onto his lap. Every cowboy has his gloomy song, and the rain sang Ennis's. He leaned away from the back of the large seat and stared at some distant Jack that was not there.

_I will be your scarecrow…_

_Jack, what the fuck does it mean?_ Ennis grinded his teeth so strongly he feared soon they would shatter. He bounced his fist on his knee, trying to fight out the thoughts.

Finally he gave up and snickered. _Damn Jack…damn him…damn all of it._ He couldn't resent him too long, it was impossible. Ennis was just glad he was alone at the moment because one more weight and the glass would break into a million pieces, never to be put back together again. Head in hands, Ennis relaxed for some time, before jumping up at something that had caught his eye. There, about thirty feet away, stood a great gray tree, alone in a patch of lime grass. Watching attentively, he saw movement. His heart racing like a shrew's, more movement; a face appeared from behind it, most definitely looking at him. It drew back, but not before Ennis could register the familiarity of its tan skin and dark hair. His face screwed up into a coil. His fist were shaking, wanting to meet flesh, the dear doctors face.

"Hi Ennis," Alex said nervously, as he walked out from behind the tree, scratching his back, not making eye contact.

"Wha' do ya want? Were you followin' me?" Ennis knew the counter, but was all too furious to think right. Alex paled, wiping off the god tear that had just splattered on his face. He spoke loud to rise above the hammering of the rain.

"Yeah, I was," he began still enough. "I-I always wondered where you head off to when ya go for your _little walks_." Ennis didn't like how he ended the sentence. Clinck was leisurely pulling the trigger to his own fate.

"You were followin' me?" Ennis took a step closer, feeling the burning embers, of anger creep back into his being. Alex nodded, and stepped back a couple of feet. He shuddered on the heaviness of Ennis's glare, complete wildness in those eyes of the ground.

"Yeah, I was-but Ennis I-I didn't want any trouble." He raised his hands as Ennis quickened his pace towards him.

"Why don' you jus' let me alone, huh? Me and, and Jack have had it bad enough…yer just makin' it much worse." Ennis threatened with his fist, madly shaking it in the heavens. He stopped his scaring pursuit of Alex, and dropped his head. Clinck let out his breath, and put down his own hands.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, Ennis. I thought I just might get a word with you."

"Well, ya didn' startle me anyways. We both know why ya came out here." Ennis then pushed passed Alex. Alex gasped at the spontaneous pain in his shoulder, and cursed.

"God damn it, Ennis…I jus' wanted to talk," his voice cried, as Ennis turned to him, and shook his head.

"Ta talk? We both know that ain't true neither. Why can't ya jus' leave, and, and never come ta be around me or Jack again, ya hear me?" His voice never let up, not even a little. As the rain blew with all the power of Poseidon, Clinck winced, and fell to a knee.

"It ain't that easy," Clinck called. "You don't know how this is, do you, Ennis? I-I never had that opportunity, you and Jack-."

"Have somethin' special," Ennis interrupted, rolling his eyes and spitting. "Everythin' you say is either useless or somethin' you've already said afore. I think you should jus' get outa here, before…I don' know, I ain' in a good mood right now." Ennis turned to make his way back to the hospital. Avoiding the situation wouldn't work forever, but he refused to believe that.

The next desperate seconds were a complete blur to them both. Ennis was overwhelmed with the longing to push someone else down to his level, so he wasn't the only one suffering. Alex had pleaded to Ennis, grabbing his shoulder even, until Ennis had turned around, and stared into those dark-brown eyes of his. Grabbing cloth under his fingertips, he was in some unconscious state of attack mode.

"_Don't you fuckin' touch me, ya queer_." He furiously whispered the words out, not opening his mouth a centimeter. Ennis hadn't realized what he had said till he was looking down at the face of Alex Clinck, his eyes displayed it all. The doctor held a bloody nose, looking up into Ennis's own dirt eyes, shock all over himself. Alex's eyes shrank in a way that was to let everyone know he was crying. Though through the many raindrops, now running red with blood, no one could see those tears. Ennis didn't say anything else. His face just eased out like he might say something apologetically, but nothing came. He pulled his arm down he didn't notice was up in a fist. He brushed off the doctor's hand that clenched his shirt, like a child clinging to a parent, and took off.

Alex watched Ennis, his only love in the entire world, walk away from him. He felt the stinging of the poison leave his eyes, falling on his cheeks, and then gliding to his ears. The night seemed to come early that day, ingrossing Alex with its sharp loneliness. Soon Ennis was nothing but a silhouette in the far wood, in the rain, and in the mind of him, forever…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ennis walked the fastest he had ever in his life. Not looking back at his latest exhibition, he just watched his feet, once in a while glancing up to locate the tower of the hospital. There it was, to his right, he sighed relief, trying to think of everything but the guy he just maimed. The rain was coming to a halt, but he never stopped to breathe.

The welcoming white building was in his face. He couldn't go in with wet clothes, so he headed to Jack's truck. Now only a few hanging drops fell, Ennis took a shirt from Jack's suitcase, and yet another pair of pants. He forced himself a slightly sadistic laugh, stealing more of Jack's clothes. But that's not why he laughed. He had chuckled to hide some impulsive coldness that gripped his chest, and refused to let him be.

Ennis walked straight to Jack's room, the nurses understanding that he lived there too, not making any notion to stop him. He opened the door, and came upon Jack sitting at the edge of his bed, staring at the floor. He seemed unbothered by Ennis, not truly looking up to his face. _Hey_, Ennis greeted half-heartedly. He rushed to the bathroom and closed the door this time.

Silence. Ennis slowly walked out of the changing room, blushing significantly at Jack. He had the clothes he was just wearing under his arm, letting them drip on the hard floor below.

"What do ya want me to do with…" Ennis held up the two damp shirts, still attached. Jack glanced up at them and shrugged.

"I don't know, and I don't care," he began, self-brooding was evident. He sighed and moved his foot a tad across the floor. "Throw them away if you wan' to, it was jus' some stupid dream I had. It ain't gonna work, _we_…ain't gonna work." Ennis grimaced and placed the two shirts on the bathroom sink. They lay there like a cross; the two sleeves were the branches where Jesus himself would place his arms. And the hem was where his feet would be held, and gagged.

"You know, Jack…I think ya worry too much, bud." Ennis turned from the fastened room, to get a good look at his man. "It…happens all the time…I think we can…get through." What was he saying? Usually it was Jack that uploaded hope into him, this seemed so unnatural. Ennis sat next to Jack, who moved over to give him room. Glancing at the door to make sure it was closed, Ennis preceded to wrap his arm around Jack's neck, pulling him close, and leaning his head on that bony shoulder. "Sometimes…I t-think I should jus' run off to somewhere, somewhere you'd never find me." Ennis chuckled, and looked up to Jack's bent down face like an intrigued child, longing for attention. None came so he went on. "B-but I always think… 'where would I go?' 'Wha' would happen ta Jack', I say." Ennis pulled tighter, and smiled when Jack looked at him.

"Do ya want me to take you to Alma, Ennis?" He was serious, buffeting Ennis with those sapphire eyes. "I will in a couple a days, after I'm cleared ta leave. I'm not sayin' I want you ta go- hell, no, I think I would rather d-die first." Jack looked away from Ennis's thoughtful face. "But if that's what you want, god then I'll fuckin' drop you off with her." He exhaled, explaining all his pain he was feeling deep inside. If Ennis would leave, Jack wouldn't be able to stand on two feet. He wouldn't be able to say something was nice, or that a flower was beautiful. Everything would seem wrong without this man by his side.

"Jack…" Ennis began rather loudly. "I ain't leavin'…you can' get rid a me, so stop t-tryin'." Jack giggled and met the eyes of the savior. They shared a moment of a complete mutual lust, heat rising to the lungs and boiling their insides. Ennis took a quick take at Jack's leg, before sending a shaky hand to lie on it. Jack fell back and pushed the hand aside like it was fire.

"No, no, Ennis. No, I'm not in the mood." Too long he had longed to say it, and now it came out. Ennis looked like he might cry. He let his hand fall back to his side, and scratched his head. "I jus' don' want _that_ to be our answer ta everything."

"What?"

"I…don't think we have to have it…to show each other…" Ennis gave Jack a whacked look. He nodded his head, and then gingerly laid next to Jack on the bed.

It took several seconds for Ennis to meet Jack's eyes again. His own had glided at Jack's feet, then his arms, then his chin, and then his chest before finding their rightful place.

"Why do you always think _that's_ the only way?" Jack asked. Ennis flushed, but knowing the answer, he blurted it out.

" 'Cause it's the only way I know how to." Jack shuddered, and narrowed his eyes.

"B-but ya told me…." It couldn't happen again. Ennis had said _those words _twice, both times Jack melted inside, like a candle. If now he was to take it all away again…

Ennis grimaced, but got the picture. He swiftly sat up on the bed, looking away from Jack.

"I-I don' wanna talk 'bout this no more." And Jack never mentioned it again for a long while.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ennis didn't sleep that night. Though Jack's strong grip on his body had him relaxed, his mind wandered to the far ends of his world. Jack laid attached chin to rib, and arm to nipple, his dream face was majestic, and Ennis couldn't help but smile, every ten seconds he looked at it to make sure he still slept.

_Queer. _He had tossed the utterance forward like a useless lover. The look of failing eyes, planted on his own, was brought out next to be examined on the kitchen table. Alex had fallen without a sound, hitting the hard path below him like bricks. The wind blowing, the rain chasing the earth, it all was some drained dream of chance, of anxiety. The tears that must have been there, Ennis could smell them, and their salty appear. He hated himself, he hated what he just did to Alex, he hated _loving _another man, and he hated longing what he couldn't ask from Jack.

Both Ennis and Jack still throbbed from some extra-curricular activity. Jack did not welcome Ennis to directly pleasure him. Instead both pulled out their rods and wrung them together in bliss. They stared each other down, eyes mad with passion, eyes mad with hunger. Jack punched his unused fist against the sheets at release. He flooded Ennis's lap with the precious liquid, one drip, then twenty hit his jeans silently. Jack collapsed on the bed, waiting for his companion to erupt. Ennis went on, clamping his eyes shut, sweating and gasping for air. _Ah s-shit!_ More groans, till he felt the sudden rush of hell rise in his cock, then blast out like a cannon. Ennis squirted with a groan of a tiger, washing any bedding in front of him. Then he too fell on his stomach, jeans around his thighs, spent. Jack had given in too soon, the craving was too strong.

They both laid in the spunk like some sinful bath, all they stood for. Jack had crawled over to Ennis and put his arm over him.

"_I'm sorry,"_ Jack whispered in between kisses, placing them on Ennis's bare chest. Ennis shifted to look at him, and gawked.

"Sorry fer wha'?"

"_I'm sorry…about the argument-everything…I'm sorry about everything." _

"I started it, Jack," Ennis began, moving slightly to a better position on his back. "I toldja to stop bitchin' like a damn woman." Jack smirked.

"Yeah, but did I stop?" Ennis shook his head, like at the moment he was mute. "Asides, that ain't all…_you've b-been great_." Ennis nearly choked. That last part hit him like a Great White in a river. He listened on to Jack's thank you speech, already gathering the words of comfort.

"You coulda left-fuck, anyone else woulda been gone by now. But you stayed…something I'll never get." Jack looked away, and bit his lower lip. His arm trembled on Ennis's chest, a tremor on quick sand.

"You'll never get it? Have ya ever thought I enjoy yer company, Jack?" Ennis said sincerely. "I jus' can't…take all the yellin', it drives me up a wall, and back ta hell." Ennis grinned, and then shoved Jack's head back down on his chest. Jack laughed, and comforted Ennis's hand with a few soft rubs.

"I just get mad, Ennis. But its only 'cause I care." Ennis didn't move. How were those words familiar? That exact phrase had come to him before. _I just get mad, Ennis. But its only 'cause I care_…

"My dad, he used ta say that," Ennis said. "He acted like I shouldn' blubber when he would…. Well I did anyways so he just swung again, but it was always 'cause he just got mad'. He _cared_ so much, I always went ta school with bruises under my clothes-not that anyone woulda cared to ask if they sawed them." Ennis snorted and pulled Jack in even closer. He was getting that feeling again. That feeling of a slowly working toxic in his chest, rising up, and skinning him alive. He tried to push Jack into his heart, make him fight off the pain, whatever it seemed to be; it never lasted too long with Jack there.

That's when Jack had fallen to sleep, and Ennis had tried to. No such luck, because the doctor than infiltrated his thoughts. Ennis searched for a heated reflection, because hating Alex was what he thought he wanted to do. But only empathy came. His heart fell, and he seemed to sink even lower into the bed.

"_Jack? Jack?" _Ennis didn't want to wake him, but the recurring images, and feelings fatigued him. Jack just moved his head, trying to feel for a softer part of Ennis's chest to use as a pillow. Ennis called out more, and Jack blinked, yawned and smiled.

"Mornin' already?"

"Not quite-."

"God, Ennis, then why the fuck-."

"Jack…don' get mad," Ennis said desperately. "_I'm s-sorry…but I have ta tell you something, and I have to ask you something, I guess_." Jack's smile half-returned and he nodded. Fully attentive, he sat up, and left Ennis to warm himself. Ennis took a breath, _god why is this so difficult? _He looked at Jack, then looked away, did it again, but kept his gaze longer. Jack didn't appear to be getting restless, so he didn't try to speed up any. And then they came-foreshadowing some future event neither man saw coming.

"Alex followed me." It was abrupt, but it was the best he could do.

"Followed you? Where? When?" Jack grew somewhat fearful. He moved closer to Ennis, never leaving his face entirely.

"When, when I went fer a walk, Jack, ya know what I'm talkin' about." Jack nodded, not taking offence, since he knew this was hard for Ennis. Another breath was taken.

"Well, I confronted him when, when I realized-." Ennis looked at Jack to see if he understood, and Jack nodded again. "Well, he said he jus' wanted ta talk, but, but I knew, he wasn' in a talkin' spirit-neither was I." An obese exhale, and Ennis brought his eyes to his own wobbly hands on his lap. "I-I punched 'im-but I feel mighty bad 'bout it, Jack, 'cause now I think he did jus' wanna talk." Ennis began to suck in air at a faster rate. He twiddled his fingers, waiting for anything. Jack was dead calm, not moving, not even breathing. "Well, ain't'cha mad I talked ta him, or even that I, I punched him?" Jack didn't budge for some seconds, but when he did, it was a shocking shake of the head. "You ain't angry?"

"No, Ennis, that ain't my business-."

"Jack, yer business is mine, and also the other way around." Jack smirked.

"Yeah, but this was personal. I'm not sayin' I woulda gave that guy a good lickin' fer comin' on ta me, but its you, Ennis, and I'm not you. As long as you two didn't...than I'm fine." A cloud disappeared, and left behind a beautiful rainbow, in the weird shape of a smile. No more was talked about that.

"What about that question ya said ya had fer me?" Ennis looked up, just remembering the thought.

"Wha' does it mean ta be someone's scarecrow?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

More days gradually drizzled by. Ennis and Jack remained civil, and it was ironic that no fighting was awakened, because Jack came to the conclusion that they only argued when it rained.

Ennis now knew what it meant to be someone's scarecrow. The title intended that someone's scarecrow would always watch out for them, especially when the darkness showed its twisted head. Ennis's life always had a fickle light switch that liked to twitch on and off every damn day. Jack was Ennis's scarecrow, his protector, the person that would warm him when the darkness came.

The next day, Jack could leave the unforgiving walls of the hospital, and he was fumbling towards ecstasy. Him and Ennis spent the eve together, laughing hard, always slamming their hands on their legs, and snorting up tears. Ennis had gathered all the clothes around and put them on the chair. Jack smiled at the house-sitter appearance Ennis had when he cleaned. Never would he tell Ennis that, especially if he planned to live. More laughs and Ennis looked up at him, smiling.

"Wha' now, Jack?" Ennis asked, picking up the two library books from the floor. He planned to take them back the next day, before him and Jack headed out to some unknown world. Jack shrugged.

"Nothing. So ya excited 'bout tomorra?" Ennis rolled his eye, showing more character than he had ever.

"Hell yes, I am, Jack. I can't wait ta get ya outa this shit hole, and in yer truck, or…" He blushed, and Jack threw a pillow at him. "I'm just wishful thinkin', I guess," Ennis added jokingly. "But…I am-I can't wait ta go to sleep, jus' ta wake up and carry you outa here, forever." They shared a lustless, almost pathetically serious smile, and even a chuckle. This moment couldn't be ruined by anything in the entire gray world. Maybe Jack thought too soon.

They stopped living in their moment when someone ran by the room, squealing a cry full of tears. Ennis grimaced, and nervously opened the door. He scanned the hall, and saw Beverly, Jack's morning nurse, zooming down the hall, head bent down, crying into her hands. Ennis felt his chest twist, as another nurse walked up to Bev and tried to comfort her. Though he tried his hardest to hear the words spoken, he only caught _he was such a nice guy, _and _news. _Ennis found himself bewildered. He went back into Jack's room, and closed the door behind him.

"W-who was it? What's wrong?" Jack asked. Ennis gulped, and sat at the edge of the bed.

"It was Bev, she's upset 'bout somethin'." Ennis breathed and then turned on the TV, hoping it to diminish his sudden lash gut, tied with an empty string. _What's with the people in South Dakota?_

Nothing on, Ennis channel-surfed, ignoring the cries from the hall. The news was on, _news_ was the word he had heard. The channel came to, and he was face to face with a flat, familiar face. Alex Clinck was on the TV screen; Ennis's predictions had come true.

Without thinking, or completely hearing the newscast, he slammed a hand on his own mouth, and stumbled on the bed. The anchorman talked emotionless, as it was his job, never to show any human compassion for a dead man.

"In other news, Rapid City lost one of its more profound citizens last night. Dr. Alex Clinck was pronounced dead in his house at 2:00 am last night from a shotgun wound. Sarah Kelling, a neighbor of Clinck's, had wakened to a gunshot that, she said, 'shook her house'. Police suspect it was suicide, because a note was found at the scene of the crime. Clinck has no known living relatives-he worked his every waking hour at Sin Clair's hospital in Rapid City for the last year and a half. He was stated as being well liked, and a courteous worker, never gaining any enemies. He will be missed…"

It all sunk in. Ennis didn't even try to move. Jack had already been holding him in his arms, rocking him back and forth. The light was dimming, and the heart was breaking.

"Its my fault." Ennis said quickly.

"Shut up, Ennis, no it ain't. Don't'cha say that." Jack held on tighter, never releasing Ennis, not even when the man released his overdue tears. A day that anyone could say would have been happy, just turned to shit. Ennis lay transfixed on his role in the matter, and his Jack sat behind him, consoling him, but never could he get past the sugar coating. He had killed Alex, that's all Ennis understood.


	18. Air

**Author Notes: **_More waiting, sorry, school has been hard, and my internet was turned off. Please R&R, or I might lose ambition. LMAO!_

Chapter 18

Air

It rained all that day, both outside and in. The tears of the guilt, tears of distress, had hardly diminished when Jack had gotten Ennis in the present time. He still let him sleep in his arms, but no close was he himself to slumbering. Ennis had tired himself out crying over the loss of Alex Clinck-everything was his fault…

Jack had wiped Ennis's forehead, than kissed it softly, mumbling reassuringly. Ennis was a brick wall for the first hour, though. Nothing Jack had said, not even _those_ _three words_ woke him from the shattering pottery of sanity.

"I h-hate myself, Jack," Ennis had pushed out through many droplets, stuttering his speech. Jack almost wanted to exorcise that thought out of Ennis's head. He had pulled Ennis's face to his, and kissed him on his shivering lips, they felt like wet rubber.

"Don't ya say that," Jack had begun. "That's stupid, why? Why do you fuckin' think ya always have ta hurt yourself first, huh?" Jack gave Ennis an almost threatening shake, grasping his jacket for some desperate attempt to knock some sense into his man. Ennis just shook his head, wiped a few tears, and looked away.

"Its all my fault, I-."

"No, Ennis. Clinck was just looking fer an excuse. One or two let downs from someone ain't goin' to bring any sane person to their knees. He musta been plannin' it out all this time." Ennis shook his head disapprovingly. He had told Jack that Alex had came on to him only twice.

"It…was more than jus' once or twice, Jack. It was 'bout every damn day till that one day." Ennis looked deeper into the waxed floor below him. He shifted in Jack's arms. The latter released Ennis's jacket, and bit his tongue for a minute, considering his thoughts.

"You said it only happened twice."

"Well, it was more than twice, Jack. I don't wanna-."

"Goddamn it, Ennis, ya never wanna talk 'bout nothing." Jack declared loudly. "You tell me now, what else?" Ennis measured his possible choice of actions. He nodded to himself, and told Jack about the window being fixed now, and the library, and all the _hall incidents. _

"I don' wanna think 'bout it no more, Jack." Jack finally agreed, and then leaned in on Ennis's shoulder, crestfallen. His fingers accommodated Ennis's, tracing the veins and wrinkles on the hand.

"Clinck he was a nice guy…I don't get it-"

"You don't get what?"

"Why-." Ennis stopped, looked around as if someone might leap out and catch him releasing part of himself. He cleared the spit in his throat, and pulled his shirt collar away from choking his neck. "Why I'm cryin'." Ennis turned deep, blood red. Jack went to push the blood back down by gently massaging Ennis's cheek. Ennis didn't mind the affection, as long as no one saw it but himself and Jack, all was good.

"You cry, because you care, Ennis," Jack said thoughtfully. "You cry, because someone would for you." He more forcefully pushed on Ennis's cheek with his palm, trying to get a sign of life from an oak. Ennis moved towards Jack and laid his own head on a shoulder.

"I jus' wanna grab some winks afore someone else leaves and I gotta get to cryin' again-like a woman." Ennis melancholically smiled, and shut his eyes, more tears silently pushed out.

"Well, someone is gonna come. I'm sure it has leaked out that you and him…were friends, I guess, and someone's gonna wanna talk to ya."

"Shit, perfect," Ennis said frowning. Jack powered a brief chuckle. "I'm glad you're kinda back to bein' Ennis. Anymore of this and I think I woulda jumped out the window, end it all, pull you with me." Jack softly pushed on Ennis to show how he was directing it at him. Ennis beamed, and stared at the ceiling, random thoughts hitting him over and over. "My mama, she once said that everything happens fer a reason. I don't know why this happened, Ennis, but fuck, I wish it hadn'. Mainly because yer sad, I guess. I didn' know much 'bout the doctor." Jack sighed out loud. "This lil' _country trip _has been spent in a hospital, and really all that has suffered is us, as two, or even as one, Ennis. Ennis?" Jack realized he was talking to himself yet again, because Ennis was out cold, head on his shoulder, staring up at the sky of white. Jack politely smirked and pulled Ennis a little more onto his body. When Jack had accidentally wakened Ennis, he just hushed out a _it's okay, bud,_ like Ennis was a young child, unable to stand on his own. That spoke the truth.

And this was where they were. Jack lacquered Ennis's hair tenderly, making sure not to wake him. The thick, but soft curls beneath his fingertips, washing them with some sweat. Beautiful sweat. Soon Jack grew bored, never did he like to stay inside himself too long. He and Ennis were far different. Once on Brokeback, Ennis had wanted to sleep out under the stars, him and Jack, embracing together against the fire, fluttering in the wind. Jack had given Ennis a hell no; for once they had switched roles. Ennis didn't mind too much, but now Jack resented not going with the plan. _It coulda been fun, _Jack told himself. He then leisurely shifted out from Ennis's dead weight, and laid him on the bed. It was no later than 6:30 PM. Jack did his business in the bathroom, and took a shower even, his second that day. He wanted to wash everything away.

Marla. She had stopped lingering on his mind for a week. It was a breath of fresh air, from the already hectic life style he was forced to take at the moment. Jack believed he had forgiven Ennis ever since he spoke of his love to him. Never did they bring it up. Never did they ever speak of that other day that changed them both. Jack still found tears sliding down his cheek now and then, even when his thoughts didn't loiter on _room 10. _He would briskly throw them off, always stealing a look at Ennis, to see if he had seen them. Never had Ennis witnessed the true effect everything had had on Jack. Though, understanding the feeling himself, seeing someone else going through the pain is a different slate.

Jack moved the cabinet mirrored door so he could see Ennis in it, lying on the bed. Jack grimaced, and his head fell again. The breath of fresh air had just been ceased. He nodded at the reflection, and muttered under his breath. _Bastard, why didja-why can't I get over it? _Then he would be zapped back to reality, damn constant mood swings. A knock on the door, Ennis moved to it, but still did not stir. Jack opened the door to Sheriff Townsky staring down at him. His eyes questioned why Jack had a hospital gown over a pair of jeans Ennis had salvaged from the truck earlier. Keeping his judgment to himself, the man glanced behind Jack at the snoring Ennis, and asked if it would be all right to give him a question or two. "I ain't his mother, I'll wake 'im up and then we'll see." Townsky told Jack for Ennis to go to the lounge if he was able to have a word. Jack agreed, and then slammed the door.

No later than 7:00 Ennis had entered the lounge, rubbing his neck from what Jack said was a _wake up punch._ He then was given a _wake up kiss_, and then an unwanted _wake up slap on the ass _and Ennis had to draw the line at that. He gave a muffled hello to the cop, and then parked himself in the chair he had sat in last time. He almost expected Clinck to waltz in with his clipboard, smiling wide and being his jovial self. But then Ennis would remember, and he would slightly shrivel in his chair, like a grape on a hot summer day.

"What 'xactly is this about, officer?" Ennis yawned. Townsky shifted in his uncomfortable seat, and leaned into the table. A clipboard lay under his pair of thick muscled arms, resting on the table.

"I wanted to ask you a few questions about Alex Clinck." Ennis gulped, but knew all along it was coming.

"All right, go ahead, I guess." Ennis focused on the floor, which was becoming his most favored pastime.

"Okay… since I can tell you have been informed of his unfortunate death, I'll go right to the good stuff. Did you know that Alex was a homosexual?" Ennis literally jumped in his seat. He was drenched in seconds.

"Hell no, what'cha gettin' at?" Townsky motioned him to lower back down, which Ennis obliged, swallowing his almost obvious outburst. _It's just a question, Ennis. _

"No, I had no clue," Ennis more calmly lied. Townsky could smell the falsehood, but empathetically he went on.

"Well, when was the last time ya saw him?"

"Um…I was at the park 'bout a mile away-and I said hello…that's it." Sinking lower, Ennis scratched his face, and waited. "I reckon it was 'bout two days ago. Somethin' like that, anyways."

"Okay," Townsky said, as he jotted some notes down on the clipboard. "Did he seem sad? Or was he the same as he usually is?" Shifting under the new inquiry, Ennis thought for a minute then grabbed something that sounded right.

"Nah, no, he seemed normal- l-like his regular self, or what I thought he was like." Ennis reminisced on how odd Clinck acted when he had first met him, and then how quickly he seemed to be overwhelmed with some sort of lust at the restaurant, and again at his own home. _Whack job,_ Ennis mouthed to himself. He couldn't help but smirk, _I signed up fer the long haul, and I ain't leaving till I cash my checks. _Something that had once repulsed Ennis had some comedic appeal in the present. He cleansed a face of oil and small stubs of hair. A sudden silence was unsettling, and Ennis was secretly thankful when the sheriff spoke strongly.

"Well… I got a copy of his suicide note, and sense-well, I'm not the one that is suppose to be telling you this-but sense yer in his Will, I think it would be all right if you could read it." Ennis looked up into the corpulent face in front of him. His heart ceased to function normally. A soul moment of twisted happiness and sadness corrupted.

"I'm in his Will? Will and Testament, tha's what yer talkin' 'bout?" Townsky nodded in a way that made it seem as if the world had slowed down around them. Ennis cleared his throat again. "I would like ta see his note." Townsky moved his head again and reached into his coat pocket. There, he withdrew a small piece of folded paper.

"This is a copy, so if for some reason you have the desire to keep this, you can." Ennis nodded and swiftly grabbed the paper from the man's grasped. His cocoa eyes scanned the paper slowly, in taking every breath Alex must of breathed while writing it. The handwriting was almost unreadable, but Ennis could manage.

_Nothing seems worth the fight_

_Guess daddy was right_

_Sorry for anyone who actually cared_

Aelx

Ennis couldn't speak anymore. The urgency, and the sorrow that filled every line of the message broke a new string, till the last one was just a thread. "He musta been in a hurry," Townsky began. "He didn't spell his own name right, but oddly that's the only misfire in the thing." No, Ennis thought. The man that wrote it was a misfire. He could have been destined for better things, but still he unloaded everything he had on Ennis. Without considering it, Ennis stuffed the paper into his shirt pocket, and asked more about the Will.

"When can I see it? I don' care if he lef' me nothin' if ya think tha's all I'm for. Its just, I wanna leave everythin' behind… when me and, and Jack leave, that is."

"There was a guy at the office this morning, asking around for ya. Seeing if anyone had heard of ya. That's how I knew you were in the Will. The man, I believe his name is Jack, Jack Holdson; he was Clinck's attorney and et cetera. It's his job to make sure Clinck's Will is carried out. Naturally, I informed him on your stay in the hospital. He said he'll be by tomorrow around noon-I hope you and Jack don' plan on leavin' too early." Townsky solicitously smiled, but Ennis flaccid; he and Jack had planned to departure on first light, or as early as possible. It would spare the drama; they just wanted the fuck out. Ennis took the note from his pocket to have a second look. This time it seemed to have some inner meaning. Alex's life was, no doubt about it, a quest to prove his father wrong. His father had died, Ennis remembered, but why still would he refer to him? Why did Ennis refer to his own dad still? His had been in the ground for nearly a decade, and yet still he mocked his young son from afar.

"I think that's 'bout all the questions I have at this moment. If you have any, just call this number." Townsky handed Ennis a card with a phone number and a badge on it. It read **SOUTH DAKOTA'S FINEST** across the top, and Ennis nodded. He stuffed that too in his pocket, along with Alex's last letter, and quickly nodded again.

"By the way, sheriff… 'bout the trial, Jack will need an attorney. Do ya think this Holdson guy is good enough, or would he even…?" Ennis flushed a tad.

"I don't know the guy well, jus' met him this mornin' like I said. He seemed nice enough, but, I don't know, not everyone's as…_accepting._" Ennis's head drooped, and Townsky got up and compassionately grasped his shoulder. "It will all be good, Curtis ain't got nothin', and, oh damn, I never informed you or Jack that a date was indeed set." Ennis looked up into the large body mass next to him. "September 21, that's when the trial has been scheduled for. It woulda been sooner, but the judges daughter got herself into a car accident, but they couldn't get a new one, 'cause for some reason this judge, Judge McCray, was a favorite for this case." Townsky shrugged, and then led Ennis out of the lounge. "Take care, Ennis. Remember if you have any questions…" And that's all Ennis heard for he had started to nod simultaneously, glaring at the man's feet, in his own world.

They separated, and Ennis felt woozy, like he just had had twenty beers, and he was on his way to sleep with some stranger. He slowly, carelessly, sadly, glided to Jack's room. He had entered the room, expecting Jack to be doing something to pass the time, but he found the total opposite. Jack lay on his stomach, on the bed. He still wore the gown over his jeans, an unusual looking costume that Ennis found secretly touching. Jack softly breathed as if he was asleep, but he moved his head when Ennis opened the door. Ennis sat down on the edge of the bed, and then was weighted by Jack, leaning on his back, sitting the opposite way. Ennis managed a smirk, complimenting the unbelievable innocence he often found in his morning light. Only their backs and heads touched, they were each other's wall, always supporting. Jack and Ennis stayed that way even when some unrecognizable nurse came in to feed Jack dinner (8:00), which he tossed on the chair.

"So…how was it, Ennis?" Jack asked at 8:30, shattering any doubt between them-yes, there was a certain compassion between the two. Of course they both should of known that beforehand, and yet every time a rose loses its petals, those worries always rise like spent fog. Ennis dropped his head, and sniffed up some nonexistent falling tears.

"It was alright, I guess," Ennis said gloweringly. "He, he…left a note, Jack." Ennis had to box that last part out, for his throat did not want to labor at the moment. He assured nothing would happen when in the face of the sheriff, but now he was long gone, and only his Jack remained. Reading Jack's mind, Ennis wielded the small, folded paper, and sloppily tossed it behind at him.

Jack didn't move for a while, Ennis hadn't noticed. But when he did move, Ennis knew, because Jack had slowly gotten up on the bed, and looked out the small half circled window above it. The note seemed to have the same effect on him as it did on Ennis. The bed sunk down from the weight of Jack's full body, focused on two little foot-shaped points. "I can't wait till we get out of this place. See the sun in person, see the moon, see the people that are longin' to do us wrong. I feel this is some fucked up punishment we got here, friend. It, it ain't right, nor do I like it much." Jack sighed, but still stared at the brilliant light of the pale moon covering his face. A desperate smile filled his cheeks, his child-like appearance came out. His eyes sparkled with an inner passion, and adore of the orb above him. It was a full moon, beautiful. He traced the mighty craters with his eyes, and tried to see the man up there. No such luck, but still he didn't turn as Ennis spoke.

"There's somethin' I hafta tell ya, bud."

"What, Ennis?" Jack asked, with a slight hint of irritability.

"Clinck, he gots a Will, and I'm in it." Jack whipped around on the bed, which shook with his every gesture. He was shocked as hell; perhaps it was too good to be true.

"What? Yer kiddin' right?" Ennis shook his head, and then bent it down, crossing his hands. "Well, what's yer role in this?"

"My role?"

"Yeah, I mean, what is he leavin' ya?" Ennis shakes his head, a slow, bitterness unwillingly rising in his chest.

"I don't know, Jack. I don't really care much, though." He sulked. "All I know is, that he is _gone_ 'cause a me."

"Ya know tha' ain't true, Ennis. Jus' shut up 'bout that, alright?" Jack swooped down and sat so his chest was pressing against Ennis's back, and his legs were on either side of him. They hung off the front of the bed, and rubbed alongside Ennis's, starting a quiet fire. He slowly made little space between the two, and then wrapped his arms around Ennis's abdomen. Jack spoke to his damp neck, kissing it several times; his words came out as a whisper of delicate brilliance. A mastermind was at work.

"_No, it might not be important to you, but to me, I see that as a fuckin' failed opportunity if we should let his stuff go to waste_," Jack began. He softly licked a part of Ennis's neck, and then laid a wet one on it, sucking a little longer than usual, making sure to leave a brand. Ennis listened considerately, but he always did when Jack talked, because everything that came out of the man's mouth was either well thought out, or unique, and he would be stupid to skip up a chance to hear it. "_Shit, yeah he is gone, but we can't fix that, Ennis. I guess shit does happen fer a reason, maybe this is god's way of helpin' us-he knows its long overdue, maybe we should file a complaint_." Jack snickered, and was blissful that Ennis did to. He whispered on, but his hands couldn't help but wander. They searched aimlessly on Ennis's chest, madly groping it above the sheer-like shirt. Soon they met the hemline, but that was no detour. Jack's soft, cool hands on Ennis's bare chest sent shivers to the latter's spine. He quivered, and Jack moved with him, like he was in a rodeo. His fingers trickled on Ennis's belly button, before slowly dancing up to a rib, and there it grooved for moments. Ennis moaned as Jack pulled the shirt off of his back. Jack removed his gown, but his face never left Ennis's shoulder-he was a pirate's bird.

"Maybe we could get something…outta his house. Sell it, I mean," Jack said to Ennis's neck, fooling that he still longed to talk about it.

"_Jack_?"

"_What_?"

"_Shut up_." Their lips connected softly under the simple magic of the falling day. Spit being tossed around like salad, and hands finding warmth in any crevice of clothing. They didn't seem to breathe, two immortals that got a little hungry. Jack laid on his back, and surprised Ennis when he went to unbutton his own pants. Ennis had stopped, questioning down at Jack. _Its okay, its okay, _Jack quickly whispered, motioning for Ennis to move on top of him. _I'm ready… _

Ennis laid on his kissing pillow, feeding it like a mother bird does its child. Their tongues connected, they licked the spit from them together. Ennis grinded on Jack, moving his hips in between his legs, it was some way of jacking him off without a hand. Jack seemed to love it, because his kisses became fiercer. He would stop to inhale, and to bite some random part on Ennis's body. His ear, than his hair, then his nipple, which he sucked expertly. Ennis throbbed in a way that was strange to him. The longing was overheating. He had to be in Jack, he couldn't wait; he needed to taste him somewhere other than his lips. He pulled Jack's head away from his nipple, and propelled his tongue in it. Jack almost gagged in a way that made Ennis harder. The sound of Jack breaking down below made him feel like a dictator. Loving the new control, he powerfully flipped Jack on his stomach. His own pants were off in a record two seconds, but before he could penetrate, Jack turned on the bed to look at Ennis.

_"Ennis…please…be gentle…I can't-."_ It broke Ennis's heart to hear his man's voice in some kind of unphysical pain. He frowned, but gave no other recognition at that time. His lust was only soiled a little bit. He leaned down to Jack and kissed him again, before pulling off his underwear.

_Don't worry; I would never hurt ya, Jack. _

Slowly, Ennis guided Jack back down on his stomach, kissing some appendage all the way. Then, he gingerly grabbed his under fed cock, and jerked it to make sure it was ready. No lubricant, Ennis had to improvise. He slowly glided down to Jack's ass, and opened the beautiful cheeks with his hands. His _gums of life_ felt the blubber of a perfect ass on a man that was all too perfect already. Ennis wanted some of the perfect; he leisurely dived his head into the meat. His tongue found an opening that just needed to be motivated. It penetrated Jack, who squirmed uncomfortably under the strange feeling. Ennis took notice and looked up. _Ya okay-we don't hafta- _Jack threw back a hand to make sure Ennis tossed that thought. Ennis went down again, this time squeezing Jack's cheeks under his fingertips. He massages the tenderness, and tastes the insides of Jack. He felt an almost forgotten feeling with his tongue. The feeling of being inside Jack, Ennis almost broke down in happiness.

No fingers, Ennis couldn't wait. He bit by bit laid himself on Jack's back, breast to shoulder blade. And then the penetration. Jack gasped and yelled, scaring Ennis out of his skin. Ennis bent to assure him. _It's okay Jack, gently. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. _He softly kissed Jack's back when his words were spoken.

_"Its alright."_

He started smoothly, moving his hips to the beat of how a clock tower would tick. In synched with that for minutes, he went even slower when Jack had cried out again. Ennis made sure he could see Jack's face; it was tear filled in the moonlight. Ennis asked if they should stop, Jack never answered. More and more Ennis fed, and fed, and regretted ever hurting Jack, and even hurting him now. Ennis found himself tearing up again. He let out a whimper that was mixed in with a passionate groan. Jack squirmed in ache and embarrassment. Never could he feel any lower, though it was Ennis this time, nothing felt honest. Ennis couldn't do it anymore, Jack's cries, whether heard or passive hit a heartstring somewhere only the dimes fall in a well. Ennis let himself collapse on Jack, and there they laid for several flashes. They never got to finish that coupling, nor did they desire to. The night ended with Ennis placing Jack into his arms, and holding him, rocking slightly, and crying into his hair. The most secure they had ever felt, sharing tears together of an unsaid common pain.

Jack slept angel-like, with Ennis as a bed and pillow. His cheek lies on Ennis's breast, drool slowly fell from his mouth, and a smoking Ennis smiled. It was 6:00, the light was coming, and soon the world would be real again. Ennis didn't sleep a wink all night. He had consoled Jack through the experience, which, no matter what he had said, was not ready for. Kisses on the soft brown hair below his chin, Ennis would mumble some words as Jack cried profoundly. Ennis cried too, all night, even after Jack had calmed down.

"_I love you, Ennis," _Jack said in an undertone as he unhurriedly fell into rest. Ennis had been wrecked at the moment. He only stopped crying to breathe, and to take a chug of his cigarette. A arm around Jack's side, he quietly massaged his abs, flattering the disappearing detail of them. He was like a plummeting drug dealer, nothing left to gain, and nothing ever would get better. Ennis emptied the cigarette on the plate that had Jack's uneaten dinner on it. Neither a nurse, nor Winona had cared to take it away, lack of interest in a terrible day, Ennis guessed.

Jack only moved to inhale and exhale, which was swell, because Ennis didn't feel like getting up from his somber stadium. But it was inevitable; soon a knock on the door came. Ennis silently cursed, and put out his taboo cancer stick on the plate. He swooshed the smoke away and panicked. He didn't long to stir Jack, but he had to give evidence that someone was in the room so Bev just didn't barge in.

"Hold…shit…hold on a minute," Ennis had said, loud enough for his voice to carry through the door. He did the unwanted, and got Jack off of his chest. Then he laid the quilt over his naked body. No clothes were in eye view but Jack's gown, _fuck. _

"Is everything okay in there, Ennis, where's Jack?" Bev asked through the fragile white door, separating some unbearable humiliation for Ennis. Finally the door opened, and there stood Ennis with Jack's hospital gown on. He immediately drastically blushed. Bev just smiled, and leaned on the doorframe. She looked hideous, hiding her natural feelings under a significant amount of makeup. She too was crushed by the sudden lost of the doctor.

"Is Jack up, Ennis?" Ennis just stared at the floor below, and frowned.

"No…he's still asleep." He was too nervous to say more.

"Oh darn, I was hoping he would have one last breakfast before you guys left." Bev rolled her dark eyes, and sighed. "Maybe I should order him some food anyways, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know?" Both forged a smirk.

"I think he will like that, thanks, I guess." Ennis went to close the door, but Bev put out her hand to bring his desperate plea for it all to be over to an end.

"Wait, what should I get him? Does he like anything in particular?" Ennis shrugged.

"He likes some a that orange juice, and toast," Ennis said.

"And what about you? Do ya want something to eat?" Ennis thought for second, _its free food, but it taste like it too. _

"Sure, I guess I'll have the same." Bev nodded, and told Ennis that Winona would not be delivering the food; she had taken the rest of the week off.

"She's pretty shaken up. She lost a son to suicide…and I think this was just a little too close to home. But she says she'll be by to bid you two farewell, gosh two long weeks-."

"Yeah, two long weeks." Bev smiled, and Ennis did too. She was too considerate for his comfort. He noticed that she flicked a tear from her eye as she left for the kitchen. Ennis closed the door and leaned against it, falling slowly to the ground. He didn't feel like standing, or moving.

Ennis changed into his normal getup and ate breakfast when it came. Bev had complained about smoking in the room, and how she could smell it a mile away. Ennis apologized and handed the plate he used as an ashtray, still full of food, to Bev, and she laughed. He didn't eat all of his toast, but consumed the orange juice in seconds. He placed Jack's food on the headboard, wishing, and waiting for the moment he would come back from dreamland. Ennis didn't need to dream to experience some inner flame, because Jack seemed to be everlasting, and Jack was his nirvana. Sweet and soft like cotton candy. But more indulging when bitten into. When Jack did wake, he frantically looked around as if he had forgotten where he was; surrounded in unfamiliar territory.

"Ya okay, Jack?" Ennis had asked when Jack looked everywhere possible but at him. Jack stopped and breathed, staring at some patch in the quilt. He nodded, his face thinking hard, and his eyes were bloodshot. "Are ya sure?" Jack just turned and headed to the bathroom, the quilt revealing more of his skin as he went, till it hit the floor and curled like a snake.

"I'm okay, Ennis," he almost whispered as he slammed the bathroom door behind him. At least Ennis knew Jack was in perfect health, no more aching ribs, and no more reflective cuts on his face. The shower was started, and Ennis depressed. Was it so terrible that Jack felt dirty enough to bitterly walk off and cleanse himself? Ennis was slipping into a dark place, _damn; I was too hard with him. I'm an asshole. _But then the bathroom door opened, and Jack poked out his annoyed face. Life was given a chance.

"Well, ya comin'?" Ennis double took, and passively slapped himself.

"Yeah-." Ennis stumbled to his feet, and placed his plate on the bed.

"Well, hurry the fuck up, the water ain't gettin' any hotter. We'll have to warm it." Jack then opened the door wider as he turned to enter the shower. Ennis almost tripped, a smile blooming on his face, tearing clothes off as he went.

The water vibrated all over Jack's body, massaging any crank. He danced to the rhythm the vapor supplied as it hit some concrete surfaces. Jack opened the curtain and watched as Ennis pulled off the pants he had just put on. "Come on, come on," Jack said softly, urging Ennis with his arms.

"Why are ya in such a hurry?" Ennis asked, as he climbed over the side of the tub. Jack grabbed him in a bear hug. He blindly found Jack's ass, rubbing the cushions with his fingertips. He was flabbergasted; Jack's character was different and somewhat anxious.

"'Cause I'm hungry as hell." Ennis chortled. "What's so funny?"

"You are."

"Why?"

"I…I don't know."

"Its humorous that after last night I jus' want to feel clean, and, and right? But I can't feel right if I'm not touching you." Jack's face honed a look of fatigue of pity-worth proportions. Ennis shook his head.

"No, you got me wrong, its just…last night-." Ennis stopped and scratched the back of his head. The water grew slightly colder, and he developed chills on his spine. "Last night…I'm sorry 'bout last night." Ennis finally met Jack's eyes, hoping for sympathy. Jack looked indifferent, but there was a shadow of sadness deep behind the flesh and bone.

"Its okay," Jack began, looking away from Ennis. "It wasn't yer fault-I said I was ready, and I thought I was. I just wanted to make ya feel, I don't know, happy. I hated the way you looked at that moment. It was…it was too much, and I wanted to reverse that. Send it in the other direction."

"Ya did…but I-." Ennis closed his mouth and just nodded his head at Jack. Pulling on tighter, Ennis felt Jack tremble in a manner that displayed that he was cold. The falling droplets would land on Ennis's head but would then slide down to meet Jack's. They shared everything, and didn't mind when the shower became just above freezing. Jack soon forgot about the breakfast that awaited him, and only thought on his coat of many layers. They rocked together, and Ennis found himself humming some nameless song. Soon, their unconscious mind had them reenacting that time up on Brokeback when Ennis held Jack close, never to let go in both men's heart. The feeling that Jack always longed for, Ennis showing how much he really did care, in the only way he could express it; through physical touch. _I Love You_ just lost a lot of credibility in Jack's head, as in reality he knew Ennis wouldn't say it without being pressured. He mentally slumped, and moved ever so closer into Ennis, and kissed his neck. Ennis stood as a heated wall, giving the world his music, making this experience ever more treasuring.

"I-I can't wait till we get outta here," Jack said. He wiped a festering tear off of his cheek, and sniffed. Jack secretly wished Ennis hadn't seen the spill, brought forth by the aging memories of everything. "Why don' we leave now, Ennis? We can stop somewhere, and get some food. I don't need this food here." Ennis shook his head again, and slowly pulled away from Jack.

"Nope, we can't. Some guy's comin' to talk 'bout the Will."

"When?" A fairly long pause, then Ennis spoke.

"12." Jack scowled. He separated from Ennis, and moved to the other side of the tub's length, facing the other way. "Wha' Jack?"

"Its just too long from now," Jack said melancholically. He leaned under the head of the shower, and braced his weight with an arm.

"Its only 'bout three or four hours."

"Still…it seems too long."

"Well…we can jus' forget 'bout the Will and-."

"No, Ennis, Its okay, I'm…okay."

"Lets see Mr. Del Mar," spoke Jack Holdson, a small, skinny man that was balding at a very young age. He wore a brown suit, and only came up to Ennis's neck. To Ennis he resembled the gremlin type; quiet and yet sneaky. Holdson blinked every other second, like he couldn't stand the bright light above. They sat in the hospital room, because that's what Ennis required. Holdson sat at the edge of the bed, papers to his side. Ennis sat on that old chair, and his Jack stood against the open front door, peering out into the hall. "Alex, he was a good friend of mine-." Holdson looked down in sorrow, but soon pulled right back up. "He came to me only about five days ago with this Will, and told me to deal with it. Naturally I didn't understand why he was making one at such a young age, he was only thirty-two-."

"Thirty-two?" Ennis interrupted. He uncrossed his arms, and bit the inside of his mouth, Jack-style. "He told me he was twenty-eight-why would he lie?" Holdson placed a hand on Ennis knee, showing compassion.

"Sometimes we do things at the spur of the moment, and in the end we look back and don't think much of it." Ennis glared, but nodded his head, deciding to tear it up later. Holdson retracted his hand, and Ennis breathed.

"Anyways-where was I? Well, he said that he thought he might be ill, some disease runs in his family, and of course I bought his acclaim. Unfortunately that wasn't the fact, as he later…yeah." Holdson shifted and pulled his attention out of the mental grinder and onto a paper to his left, sitting on the bed. "A-ha, this is the Will itself, I was the one that had signed it, since every Will requires a witness other than the author. Well, it says here he left you his Falcon, and his house. No money, but I think- if for some reason- you wanted to put the two up for sale, than I guess you could get something out of 'em." His head drooped and Ennis's rose.

"That…was a nice car…" Ennis said to lighten up the mood. Jack smiled, and agreed.

"Yeah, I was there when he bought it. He loved it like a dog, a very expensive dog. I hope you desire to keep it." Ennis nodded again and crossed his arms. He looked up at the man standing in the doorway who had shifted slightly, but never did he look back.

"Um…where is his money goin' to? Jus' wonderin'." Ennis hated the question, but the Jack inside stole a shot at the helm. Holdson cleared his throat and moved closer to Ennis, who frantically backed off.

"I shouldn't tell ya, but he me and his mama get it. It only seems right, and I don't get how he could just meet you and, and have you already in his Will. Unless…" Ennis got his inclination, and frowned. He was holding himself back by a yarn, his knee twitched, unable to keep still for even a second. Ennis gave Holdson a look of pure sorrow, eeriness, and anxiety. The lawyer got the hint, and moved on.

"You're going to need to sign the car in your name, and the same for the house- if you plan on keeping it, that is." Looking away, Holdson brought his attention to Jack for the first time sense they had shook hands at arrival. "You two, are you roading together?" Ennis's throat clenched, but luckily Jack turned from his dusty spot by the door.

"Yeah we are," he said derogatorily. "We are on a…country trip, I guess." His head fell, what a trip they were having. It was rather a little less lived, but Holdson guessed that. He nodded, and turned to Ennis, who remained quiet, and still as a stone.

"Um…I don't mean to barge on you two's privacy, but are you two… a couple." Ennis's eyes fell open, he grew weak and angry and frightened all at once. He started a plea, but was interrupted by Jack.

"Hell no, that ain't any-."

"Yeah, we are…is that a problem?"

Ennis internally gasped, and grabbed his heart. He was shot with the fear of his life. Ennis hadn't fully consider him and Jack a _couple. _In many ways it seemed like much more, and in others, much less. It was bad enough with Townsky and the late Alex being informed, but now this guy, who he hated already. It was too much. Holdson seemed to become a tad more light-hearted. He smiled at Ennis, and turned his full attention to both men; constantly revolving his head to get a good look at the two.

"_I understand…I myself am-_," Holdson said, rather quietly. Ennis rose up in his chair and blushed. He wanted distance between him and Holdson, him and any gay man, for that matter. Ennis looked away from the gremlin's green eyes, and watched the floor. "I can't let anyone know, though, because I would probably lose my job, and, and if that happens then I don't know what I would do." He sighed. "I would hate to have to ask you both to keep my sexual orientation to yourselves. Alex knew…me and him were together at one time…but it didn't work out." More lies? Alex was a virgin, or so Ennis had thought. He couldn't imagine a relationship without sex, so the whole _un-soiled_ story must have been a lie.

Jack reassured Holdson his secret was safe with him, but did not bother to ask if it was vice versa. Holdson now seemed just okay in Ennis book, though not speaking another word to him that day. He would give him weird looks, as if his lips were at once glued when the opportunity arose to speak. They shook hands, though and Holdson was making his way out of the door, when he turned to toss Ennis the keys to the Falcon and Clinck's house. "Nearly forgot."

"It's okay," Jack began, "but do you have a business card?" Holdson grimaced, and smiled at the same time.

"Sure, may I ask why?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jack said. He then told Holdson about the whole trial, and how he was weak (surprisingly, no tears fell). Jack was grateful that Holdson was friendly enough, and tossed him a hard paper card. It read Attorney **JACK HOLDSON. **Then an address and phone number was given. _Call any hours, as long as its not midnight through 6 Am_Holdson joked.Jack forced a chuckle, and Ennis half-smirked, keeping his distance from the man. And then the lawyer was gone. Ennis sighed and sat down. Jack went on how nice the guy seemed to be and how they were lucky not to get a asshole. He ranted on till Ennis interrupted him.

"Jack?"

"What?"

"Do ya wanna leave now?"

"Fuck yes!"

**Author's Notes: **Huge chapter, i felt obligated to write a big one. Sorry for the wait, i hope no one has forgotten about the story. LOL, but, yeah, the fear is there. No wait will be half this long, and i apologize again.


	19. Future

**A/N: WOW, it's been too long! I apologize so much. I've had some hard mountains to climb lately, and I'm still working with school. My grandma died about a month ago, and we were close. I hope on getting something done with this story for once! I promise you, I won't give up, as there was not a day that I didn't think about writing.**

Chapter 19

Future

It wasn't much of a drive from the Hospital to Alex Clinck's house. All the goodbyes and juicy hugs sung deep into Ennis's thoughts as he pushed the pedal to the floor, and smoked a cigarette, not thinking much of anything. Winona had given him a fourth of an embrace, but didn't even look at him. He chuckled about it to himself, hoping that he never truly forgets her. The orderly had been nice, and he had to respect that, though never wanting to see the big white castle again.

Not much was spoken between him and Jack till a corner was turned and a yellow house caught the path of Ennis's finger as he wheeled the old pickup into the drive way. He had to be careful not to scratch the cop car sitting there, no one inside to notice if he hadn't of slowed.

"Looks kinda nice," Jack said stepping out of confinement of the metal can he and Del Mar called home for the moment. "Alex…he had some money to spill." He scratched his brow, took a deep breath of fresh, non-hospital, air and joined Ennis at the front door.

The air was cold, and the stab of it, painful. No neighbor noticed Ennis and Jack or cared to stare as Ennis knocked on the front door ("it seemed the only logic thing to do"). Jack shook his head, and spat, tapping his foot patiently. The door swung curiously open, and a man in uniform looked back at the two Cowboys. A face of bewilderment, and a body made to put Mama Cass Elliot to shame, attributed this one.

"Can I help you two?"

"My name is Ennis Del Mar and-and I was told that I could pick up some belongin's that Alex left for me. The Will?" The officer was flabbergasted.

"Alex? Oh, Clinck, sure, you two come this way."

The house was very different from this angle, Ennis thought, as the smell of daisy spray and soap hit his nose. He was in the slow path of a headache, but tried to ignore it. The fridge and a clock could be heard, taunting any organic newcomer. Jack walked slowly behind as Ennis was led to the master bedroom. The grey door was like a tombstone, only worse, as one did not know what would be standing behind it. He gulped as the cop pushed the door open. He then stepped aside and addressed the two men.

"You guys can have a look. You'll see most of his stuff hasn't been touched. Can I trust you two to lock up afterwards? My job here is done, but I was to stay just in case someone showed up, but I can leave the key here, and skedaddle-"

"Yeah, we got it under control. We have a set of keys, but thank ya," Jack said almost abruptly. The sheriff first glanced at Ennis, who didn't object, then left with some door being slammed. The house key, Jack soon realized, was to the front and back sliding glass door. And of course there was a key to the Falcon convertible Ennis remembered all too well. "Where's this Falcon?"

"I reckon we'll have ta go get it out of tow," Ennis answered sadly. He slicked some of his hair back, and leaned against the wall, not longing to enter the sleeping room. He had almost planned to take Jack and to fly swiftly away in the vehicle, not even caring to get it in his name.

Dead silence. Only the sound of heel on soft, bush-like carpet could be heard. Alex's room was brown with oak walls, and a queen-size bed, that only fit one person throughout its life. Jack had entered first, pulling Ennis in with a hand. The room smelled of soap from a great exhibition of cleaning, and every crevice sparkled. The blankets were folded, and the dresser cleared off as if somethings was stolen. Ennis's headache was present, and he slowly rubbed his head, trying to kill a memory. Jack, eyes wide with anxiety, moved swiftly across the white carpet, and dropped Ennis's hand after a few seconds. He moved to a closet and uncertainly peered in. Ennis moved to the bed, and laid a hand on its soft love. Words escaped him for several moments. Some found their way to his throat but they stabbed it and muffled his words.

"Um…wha' zactly are we lookin' for?"

"Anythin', I guess," Jack answered, opening a drawer of the dresser. Ennis shrugged, not knowing what to do. He didn't want to snoop, and then he would remember Alex's unfortunate death, telling himself it was okay. Ennis bent to his knees and looked under the bed, perhaps something could be found.

Darkness swallowed his head, and only Jack's unhurried pulling at dresser drawers met his ears. Then it was the latter's voice that caused him to hit his head.

"Ennis, I found something."

"Wha'?"

"Come look."

Ennis crawled out from under the bed, and looked at Jack standing with a book in his hand. "Oh, jeese, Jack, it's juss a Bible." Jack smiled, and examined the book.

"Yeah…this book brings back some memories," Jack said sitting on the edge of the queen bed. "My daddy used ta hit me with it. He made sure I was afraid of the lord's power. Quite ironic, ain't it?" He laughed, and then tossed the book into the seemingly endless darkness of the closet. It hit solid wall, echoing through the dimensions of the room. Jack sighed, and then put his hand to a hip, and mopped his teeth with his tongue. "So…any luck under the bed?" He smiled, and Ennis just shook his head.

"This ain't a funny matter, Jack," Ennis began, "I don't feel right doin' this, whether Clinck wanted us to or not." Jack had heard this before, but understood completely. He had felt the same at a relatives funeral, years back. He made to Ennis's shoulder and comforted him with a hand.

"Well, we can't let all his stuff go to the Good Will. At least it's goin' to some friend a his," Jack said compassionately. Ennis had to agree, always, he agreed. He and Jack went to the dresser together and started digging.

Letters, notes, books upon books filled every space that the desk had to offer, but nothing that seemed worth while. Letters from his mom, and mostly suspense novels that had little appeal to two country boys. A playboy was found, which just confused things (Jack didn't noticed Ennis taking it with him). Both men were growing frustrated, and decided to hit the closet. Finally, something they could use, clothes.

Jack left to get a bag, and returned with a paper one, and a ham sandwich. "Shit load of food in the fridge, maybe we should stay here tonight." Ennis shot up.

"No-no-no, Jack, we can't," Ennis said earnestly. "It ain't right. I juss don't want to."

"Why? We can sleep on the livin' room floor."

The moon could be seen from the front window that looked out to the main street in the suburbia Alex Clinck had lived in. It was a bright star, the only one out that night that gave Ennis Ritalin. Its aura kept Ennis and Jack up most of the night, gazing at it obsessively. They talked randomly, and even shared a few kisses, but nothing more than some un-public display of affection so far. The electricity at the Clinck house had strangely went out just hours before. Jack took it up as a challenge ("Ennis, we hafta eat all the meat before it spoils!") So they thrived on small meat slices, ready for some bread and cheese. For Dinner they had some cereal, and bananas-not much for the average man, but Ennis and Jack were used to less.

The rooms that they needed, which consisted of the living room, kitchen, and bathroom, were lit up with some rich candles, and a fireplace, which sat 6 feet away from their naked bodies in the living room. Ennis puffed on his cigarette, and subsequently chugged on a bottle of beer that was found. He handed both to Jack next, and he followed suit. Ennis had forgotten his fear of sleeping in a dead man's house, and even of the people surely watching from the window with tire irons. He just laid in Jack's strong left arm grip and smoked, and chugged, and talked.

"The moon is pretty tonight," Ennis said, smiling at the window. He thought it was a sensible remark with depth. Jack giggled, which Ennis felt against his bare back. "Wha's up with you? Stop it," Ennis added playfully. Jack halted and caught some breath.

"Well, god damn, Ennis Del Mar, I didn' know you thought of such things as moons, and _pretty_." He guffawed again, and Ennis moved back to his spot.

"Well, you got a bunch a surprises comin'." Ennis leaned his head on Jack's warm breast, and hummed a tune. He was happy on his skin pillow, but couldn't help but to look around. He started to stare at the ceiling, and his and Jack's shadows on it. He thought how they resembled Brokeback Mountain. The mighty peaks, the caves probably present, and even the smoke from the dying fire could be made out of the lines and curves of his and Jack's bodies. The nostalgia almost hit, but Jack pulled him tighter.

"You know, this lil' country trip hasn't been that bad," Jack said, puffing the magic dragon. Ennis sighed, and shook his head.

"How do ya figure that? We juss spent more or less a life time in a hospital, and before that-"

"Even with all that shit, I think it's been pretty okay," Jack interrupted. "It beats rodeoin' for 50 lame bucks a pop. Don' get me wrong, I love riding the horns, but it's not as………."

"As what, Jack?"

"Hold on, I'm thinking…..I don' know, it's not as satisfying." Ennis felt the warmness breach his heart, and thrive in his soul like a wild love vine. He sat up slowly, and turned to Jack. He was candescent, and every line could be seen, engraved with deep, dancing orange from the fireplace. Ennis kind of grimaced, and then scratched himself.

"Jack, you don' mean that."

"The hell I don't," Jack began, "I couldn' think of any other place I should be." For a moment they just stared at each other, sharing unspeakable words, then Ennis looked away, flattered and embarrassed to a deep crimson. He brushed his hair back, and blew out some hot air. Another deep breath and he found the words that came as close as he could.

"Well…there's a first time fer everything." Ennis bent down and laid his head against Jack's, like a cat, trying to show sympathy to its master without vocalizing. He rubbed slowly, then placed his hand on Jack's and forced him to put the beer down. It spilled on the carpet, but Ennis hadn't noticed as he reached for Jack's lips and kissed the taboo fire, that was only the beginning.

Ennis had wondered how he laid naked next to Jack for so long without trying anything. The noise of their lips smacking together was all that was heard (minus Ennis's _mmmms_, and Jack's _uhhhhs_). Jack's hands searched for Ennis's cock, and found it, hard as stone. He rubbed the head with his thumb, and even juggled his balls. He felt Ennis quivering with some unwanted restraint, but couldn't help but to move fast. An idea sprang into his head.

"I have an idea…..but I don' know how to explain it to ya, Ennis." Ennis stopped snogging, and looked deep into Jack's innocent, and determined aqua eyes. Ennis put a finger up to Jack's mouth to hush any future words, and whispered-

"_Do it." _

Those words echoed through Jack as he got out from under Ennis and stood by the latter's head. Jack smiled as he fell to his knees, Ennis's head in between them, and slowly moved onto his man's body. Ennis started breathing quicker, he guided Jack's chest to a complete stop on his own, and felt the warm saliva on his dick. They shared breaths, but Ennis thought he might pass out. He sent out a grunt of pure pleasure, and rubbed his hand on Jack's back. He knew what Jack wanted him to do.

The warm ring of constant mobility up and down, like an elevator of fire. Ennis could hardly open is eyes without a tear present. He first fingered Jack's ass, which was in his face. Jack _ummed, _and Ennis licked his orifice, tasting the lips of a prize he longed or. Ennis felt the heat on his tongue, and an erection on his chest, as Jack sucked his own. Jack's asshole gaped, and moved, as if hungry and Ennis entered two fingers. Jack cooed, but didn't stop his own duty.

Next was Jack's sac. Ennis slowly licked the bottom skin where the balls are connected to the pelvis, and loved it. He purposely pulled on some of Jack's pubic hair with his teeth (Jack did the same except it was a bite). Ennis stopped mid-flight, kissed Jack's sac, then took a ball in his mouth and sucked until Jack yelped in a passion of wonderment. The warm skin was delicious, but Ennis couldn't help but to nibble a bit. Jack didn't mind it at all, as he deep throated Ennis shaft so far, the head hit his tonsils. He sucked it dry until Ennis blew into his mouth.

It was a hot, sweet warm flood of liquid sugar, as it rolled down his cheek, and back on Ennis. Jack swallowed the load, dick still in mouth, as more came, and he nearly choked. He gave the panting, and spent Ennis one last super suck then rested his head on his lover's belly button. It was Ennis's turn to show how much he cared, show how much he loved Jack, and show how he would do anything for him. He would kill for him, he would certainly die for him, and now, he would suck his dick to let him cum like he did. Ennis took it all at once and shoved Jack's little Jack down before the latter even knew what was happening.

"WHOA!" Jack yelled, holding himself up with his hands now. "Shit, Ennis, shit…_E-e-e-e-nnis_." Ennis was working at top speeds, he grabbed Jack's dick with one hand, and fed it over and over in between his lips. Jack didn't have enough time to breathe before another breath was pleasured from his chest. Ennis admired the taste, just like before. It was salty, and warm, like a sponge, but softer. It was only a minute when Jack made his proclamation.

"Shit, Ennis, I'm gonna cu-"

And he did. Ennis joked later on that Jack must of lost 10 lbs cumming. Jack then joked that Ennis knew how to suck dick too well, which got him a shove, and a pissed off partner in crime. Jack had to sweet up to Ennis and he offered him free anything when all their current shit was taken care of.

"Now, Ennis I hafta say, there's somethin' wrong with us," Jack said sincerely. Ennis sat up from his sticky carpet bed, and asked _what? _He didn't like the homoeroticism being brought up. Was that even what Jack was talking about? Jack cleared his throat and put out a cigarette in the empty beer bottle.

"We juss fucked in a dead man's house."

Ennis was shocked, and completely dumbfounded. He felt the chills coming, and he turned from Jack. His eyes were as wide as the now falling moon outside. His heart raced, and his fingers trembled. Jack followed him up, and touched his shoulder.

"Wha's wrong?"

Ennis kind of twitched in a way that meant _I don't know. _Jack shook his head.

"No, what's the matter with you? Please tell me, or we might never know. I'd rather you juss tell me; so-so we can sort this out. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Ennis answered unhurriedly. He bent his head low, and felt Jack's hot breath on his neck, which tingled with love. "I juss don't like to be reminded."

"Reminded of what?"

"Well…us, I don't like ta think 'bout it."

"Well, then I'm sorry, please lay back down, I'm tired Ennis fucking Del Mar, and the sooner we get cozy, the sooner I go to sleep, and the sooner I stop fuckin' gabbin'." Ennis, reassured that it wouldn't happen again for a while, laid back and felt Jack's stomach against his back. The softly spoken words Jack always gave him made him at peace, and peace is what he was always blindingly looking for. He could never find it, until the loud-mouth Texan boy that kissed like a chocolate rose came into his life.

_Your folk's juss stop at Ennis?_

Ennis hadn't thought that someone cared enough to hear his last name, and in some cases, even his first. His life was filled with constant replacements, never meeting someone twice, until Jack. Jack remained solid, Jack remained unmoving, even now after the hospital, and fucking at a dead man's house (respectfully, of course).

"Ennis?"

"We ain't suppose ta be talkin', Jack."

"Fuck you, juss one question. Are we gonna keep the house and car?"

"Well…the car we need ta take, your truck is a piece of shit. But the house we should be sellin'."

"Why? I kinda fancy it."

"I don' want to come in here again, it's too much." Ennis sniffed, and yawned like a mighty lion. "Wha' the real question should be is what are we gonna do till we can get the house sold."


End file.
